Based on true-to-life experience.
Supernatural Super Samurai Sword-Slashing Saints
A Saints Row: The Third Fanfiction
Starring: Kinzie Kensington, the Boss
"And so I just...?"
"Wave the stick around."
The Boss swished her Wii-mote in the air. The sword on the TV moved accordingly. She stared at the screen, mesmerized. "Woah. This is some really high-tech shit."
Kinzie shook her head at her employer's rapture. What a n00b. She steadied her Wii-mote. The weapon on-screen stood perfectly straight in the middle.
"You are focused." The screen said.
The Boss turned the remote around in her hand. "Huh. You know, when I think about it, this thing kind of looks like a—oh god!" The boss let go of her controller. The Wii-mote spun in the air, dangling from its strap. "This hasn't been-"
"Ew, no!"
The gang leader stopped struggling with the strap's lock. "You mean this thing is... clean?"
The hacker's face reeked of disappoint. "I wouldn't just give you one of the controllers I use for that, Boss."
The criminal mastermind breathed a sigh of relief. She put the controller back in her hand. "Oh. For a second there, I thought you'd... you know."
"Psh. Like I'd actually risk you getting your greasy fingerprints all over it..."
"Sorry." The Boss finally held her controller still.
"You are focused." The screen said. It blacked out, reopening with two wooden training dummies. One was tied with red ribbon, the other, blue.
"Prepare yourself!" the screen said.
Kinzie obeyed. A straight slash bisected the first from shoulder to hip. The second fell into neat little horizontal slices. The third was disarmed, dismembered, then decapitated.
Her sword glowed ominously. The hacker smiled. She launched herself high in the air, spun once and landed with a massive, over the top vertical slash!
The unfortunate dummy promptly blew away into neat little chunks at the awesome might of her supernatural super samurai sword-slashing skills.
"You are ready." the screen said.
The computer genius grinned. Oh yeah. Who was a sexy supernatural super samurai sword-slashing killing machine? She was!
"Wow. Let me try that!"
The gangster proceeded to make messy, dis-coordinated gouges in the dummy. Her sword sparked every so often. Minutes later, it was finally glowing.
She smiled. "All right. Here goes!"
The Boss jumped into the air, and made an over the top vertical slash!
… Or, at least, tried to. It was more of her wildly flailing her Wii-mote up and down in mid-air than anything else, really.
She quickly landed on the wrong foot, lost her balance, stumbled forward, and nearly crashed into their TV. Thankfully, the glass window panes were there to help stop her fall.
Thud.
"... You know, you don't have to jump like that."
The Boss peeled herself off the glass. "I don't?"
"No. You could just hold down the 'A' button and slash like you normally would. Same thing."
"Then why were you...?"
"It's more fun that way."
"Oh."
The Boss returned to her position. Somehow, she had managed to massacre her dummy with her spirit powers.
The screen declared "You are ready.", though the way it came in so slowly compared to Kinzie's made it seem almost sarcastic.
The dummies on screen were replaced with expertly rendered sparring partners. The models bowed, and readied their wooden swords. "Defend yourself!" the screen said.
The two women prepared to defend themselves against the wrath of their fellow swordsmen.
Three expertly blocked strikes later, Kinzie was declared ready. Fourteen direct hits, three barely-blocked strikes, and one "mother-fucking-shit-balls-fucking-cunt!" later, the Boss was declared ready.
The hacker decided to make no comment on the disparity between their competencies.
The screen blacked out. The opening cut-scene rolled. "Stay your hand." the screen advised.
Kinzie calmly moved into a perfect combat stance. The Boss moved into a poorly imitated version of the hacker's.
"The guards are here!" The scout from the TV shouted. Royal Guards flooded the screen. Their weapons and armor gleamed menacingly. These guys were not happy to see them.
"Defend yourself!" the screen advised.
Kinzie got into the zone. The hacker decimated the ranks of the soldiers, one beautifully executed slash for each unfortunate soul. The Boss followed her sub-ordinate's lead by wildly flailing her Wii-mote in the air, succeeding in seventeen random slashes at her opponent. All of them were blocked, or straight out missed. Her furious attack culminated with her smashing the Wii-mote right in her face!
The gang leader promptly dropped to the floor with a "thud."
Kinzie snapped out of her trance. She stared at the Boss, completely dumbfounded. Bloody slashes were filling up the screen.
"Um, you know what? Let me get the Wii Zappers and Time Crux. You might be more comfortable with those."