Not So Sure
This is low, he growled, an insult. I knew that women on a power trip could be underhanded but not like this and especially not you, Lady Une.
She shrugged, lifting a styrofoam cup of steaming coffee to her lips. It has to be done.
Tell me why Sally-- he paused, clenching his fists, then corrected himself, Preventer Water can't do it.
Well, Preventer Earth, Lady reveled in the final choice of code name he had to be stuck with, Preventer Water is on reconnaissance with Preventer Fire and Wind.
These code names make me sick, he thought sourly. So I have to go to God knows where and do what exactly?
You have to go to L2, and find Duo.
Duo! Why Duo, for all things just?
Lady Une peered at him over the top of her piping hot cup of joe. Because we need him.
And what if I can't find him?
Then I'll personally have all the women in Preventer help castrate you, Mr. Chang, she thought evilly, before scolding herself mentally. You don't find him, you don't come back. Not until you do find him. Understood?
He nodded. Do I get a bonus?
Knock knock knock.
Duo thumped his head on the wall, while Hilde muttered praise God under her breath and skittered away. Always at the worst possible time.
Hilde straightened up her hair and buttoned up her shirt. Duo, I told you I wont have sex with you! So you should stop trying to make me!
I wasn't trying to!
One second I'm making tea, she hissed, the next I'm on the wall while you try to pull off a knee trembler! Duo, don't' you have any manners? Where did the old Duo I knew go? Damn, you're so juvenile!
I do have manners, he rubbed his head, bad ones.
You used to be nice and civil. Now you're a jackass!
Duo thought, I don't know if I'll be able to do this for very long.
Hilde fluffed her bangs fleetingly and went to open the door. Standing there in white khaki pants and a tan t-shirt, was Wufei. She didn't immediately recognize him, but then his image popped into her mind after she received a call from Preventer.
Wufei, right?
He nodded. Is Duo here?
He sure IS! she screamed, looking back at the topic of their woes. Duo, get your ass over here.
Gee, these two still get along. Wufei mused internally, walking in while Duo swatted at Hilde when she passed. I was sent by Preventer to take you back to earth.
Duo stood and motioned for Wufei to sit. I know there are a whole lot of decent chicks who don't mind if you want to f-ck their brains out!
Hilde's enraged face emerged from the kitchen. She sneered. Duo smirked in return, comforting himself on his arm chair, the TV droning sports programs. From the kitchen there was a rhythm of clacking. Wufei went on.
Lady Une ordered me to take you back. I can't return until then, he looked at their coffee table, littered with Sports Illustrated and National Geographic magazines. Are you going to come?
Duo smugly crossed his arms. I'd rather be on earth with Lady Une than on L2 with that bitch!
The rapping came faster, at an intense rate.
That's it, Hilde hissed, he's gone far enough. I've tried to stay calm, but he's just pushed me too far at the wrong time.
Wufei creased his eyebrows. He really didn't want to be there. And having Duo talkative and pissy wasn't what he wanted either. So you're coming? We have to be back as soon as possible.
Duo nodded, As soon as Hilde finishes the laundry and makes me lunch, I'll be ready.
Stomping out of the kitchen, a pitcher of fresh, frothy, warm tea in her hands, came Hilde. Her face was red and she was angry. She came around to the front of Duo in a very strenuous pace and threw the contents of the pitcher on him without a word. He sputtered and cursed.
You want lunch? You can put some god damn fish sticks in the Fry Daddy!
Wufei stared at Duo, a sticky mess, then glanced at Hilde as she stormed down the hallway. Within moments she was back, holding a laundry basket in her arms, the pitcher thrown down on the floor by Duo's feet. As she neared, she plucked Duo's clothes from the basket and threw them at him. One by one, his black suit, socks, boxers, everything. The rest of the clothes were shoved back down the hallway in the basket.
There's your laundry!
I uh..um, Wufei was about to get up.
Hilde pulled on her coat and grabbed a bag from behind the couch. Sayonara, Duo! And I hope you have fun with an earth prostitute! Because I know that a sensible woman--like myself--would never sleep with you for free!
He's not coming. Wufei walked out of the house on the junk yard just after Hilde overturned a pot of scalding tortellini from the stove and dumped sugar all over it.
She was walking ahead of him as he waved the taxi off. For the first time in his life, he wasn't having bad feelings about a woman. She reminded him of someone. He followed in her breakneck stride, soon catching up. I can't go back without someone, he said, startling her.
So what are you saying?
I'm going to take you instead.
She laughed outright. I'd be a better soldier than him anyway! Lazy slob he turned into!
he stopped her in her tracks, I'd rather not even be doing this, okay? This is not a pleasure trip. I'm on a mission and I have to bring someone back. I'll be damned if I have to put up with him. But I can't leave alone. Otherwise, I'll just have to leave you on the street.
I have my own means of getting places, dear sir, she rebutted. I have more contacts in this place than you seem to think.
Are you coming or not?
I'm sorry for the way I behaved, Hilde apologized as they boarded the shuttle. I was just ruffled because of Duo. It doesn't help that I'm PMSing, either, I guess.
Behind them, there was a mass of yelps and the scuffle of shoes on the floor. Hilde turned, her bag in hand, Wufei just half a step in front. Pushing through the bon voyage crowd was Duo, newly dressed and slightly tea-stained. He frowned at the on-lookers as Hilde yanked off her bag and hurled it at him like he'd done to her when they first met. He grabbed it in midair and shoved it away. Hilde walked out of the docking gangway and took a low position, sniffling her nose and swiveling slightly. Duo laughed, pointing.
God, Hilde, he chuckled, who do you think you are? Jackie Chan?
Without a word's notice, Hilde boxed Duo's nose and sent him off the handle to the right, clutching his nose. Everyone scattered off to a safer distance. Wufei stared, then was about to board the shuttle when all the male attendants rushed out to watch and holler.
What the--! Duo stumbled back over to Hilde, who was smiling. A bit of blood dribbled from his nose. Hilde! You bitch!
Another second passed before she lashed out and got him right in the gut. Make that another cross in the foul play book, Duo.
That's the fifth time that's happened to me, he gurgled. Do you know that?
Oh well, Hilde stood up straight. You deserve it!
He shook his head and tried to get himself standing correctly. Hilde stood as an open target, and Duo peeked around. All those spectators. Would they take it easily if he gave Hilde his best bitch-slap? He took his position and cracked his knuckles. Lurching forward to try and put Hilde in a headlock, Duo yelled and Hilde took a step to her left. He had to stop short and by then she'd locked her leg around his and had him collapsing. She had his braid as soon as he regained control, and she successfully steered him around until she could reach his arms. Pushing him to the floor on his stomach, both his arms tight in her grip, Hilde heard him curse and spit like a viper as she showed her OZ capabilities in awe-inspiring technique. A giant smirk of victory spread over her face. Everyone cheered. Duo struggled, then Hilde stood up and yanked him over so that he was on his back.
All right mister, she said as he jerked away, only to have her step right on the goods. He screeched.
NNOOOOOOOOOO! That's even worse than cutting the braid! Don't! EEEEEEEEH!
Laughter ensued. Hilde didn't dare crunch his manhood, but instead let him writhe. Wufei crossed his arms and scrutinized from behind the gaggle of hooting attendants.
God help me if I don't kill either one of them.
She released him, then watched as he scooted away to the protection of a row of waiting chairs.
You don't even know what I came for!
You're always into something bad, you good for nothing leech!
He appeared hurt. You are so mean to me!
You're the one who's been trying to coerce me into having sex with you!
I have not! he squawked. But do you want to know why I've been a butt?
Duo answered softly, Because it was a bet.
Hilde lost her stature, replacing it with a somewhat exhausted one. Your attitude to me the past week has been a bet?
He nodded, getting up, dusting himself off, his head downcast to display his shame. The guys bet me a hundred thousand credits that you and I would stay together even if I was an ass. And tried to...you know. To see what would happen.
Why would you bet on something like that? You don't have faith in me?
He got up and came to stand across from her, his true height leaving her dwarfed by three or four inches. His hands went to her arms. I'm sorry. But I always knew that we were close enough to stay together.
And I have been a bitch, she whined, I'm sorry! I should have been better than that!
Oh Christ! Wufei roared from the entry gate, pushing through the muttering attendants. Would you two just grow up?!
Duo scowled at Wufei. Hey. Would you mind? This is a bonding moment.
Hilde whacked his arm. You were mean to me, you bastard!
I'm sorry, Hilde, he reeled back. I really am. I'll make the guys come and explain the whole thing tomorrow.
I can't believe this, she moaned. If I hadn't been so independant! If I hadn't been such a pig headed OZ bitch, then we could have won the bet.
But you would have come back to me, Duo insisted, a huge grin on his face.
She nodded. Yeah. I would've. I'd have kicked your butt and whupped you into shape. Then we'd still be together.
Who's coming? asked Wufei, tapping his foot with impatience. We have to go.
Duo and Hilde exchanged glances. was their unanimous answer. We have to go home.
I made a mess, Hilde covered her mouth. Aw, God. I made a HUGE mess!
Beside her, Duo giggled. You're hittin' that time of the month, aren't you?
Wufei wailed and sighed. Why does Lady even need that idiot?
Because Lady has something planned, came from his cell phone. Lady has a mission for her Preventer Agents.
Oh God, Wufei put the phone to his ear. Lady Une...
Are you on L2?
Yes. Duo isn't coming. Neither is Hilde.
Who?
His...girlfriend or something.
Oh. Well put him on the phone.
Why didn't you just-- he made a great effort not to cry out a vulgarity and handed the phone to Duo.
Hello, Duo. This is Lady Une of Preventer.
Hey,
I have to tell you, she paused, I've planned a mission including you and our other agents to work on an assignment. Details cannot be given now. Do you accept to come find out what's going on?
Oh Jesus, Mary and Joseph! cried Hilde, overhearing. I want to come too. I want to be a member of Preventer, Duo knows I can do it.
I guess that's a yes, Then he added, Only if Hilde can come too.
Of course. I'll be seeing you on earth soon. Take care, Duo.
You too.
Wufei took his cell phone back. What was it?
Duo glanced down at Hilde, she's got a top secret mission planned for us.
I wont let you accept it if I can't be an agent, too, Hilde poked Duo in the side. I can't stand to wait around in the compound while you have all the fun.
Wufei's eye twitched.
Duo and Hilde erupted into laughter. All the other watchers moved along while Wufei started ranting.
No, no, no, Wufei wept, she's even more malicious than I formerly like to believe!
Hilde came over and gave him a peck on the cheek. At least you wont get lonely. We're gonna make sure you know we're there the entire time!
Wufei! Stop sleeping on the job if you're gonna do that!
Sally wheezed at him, sitting at her desk on the other side of the room with an unhappy expression. Wufei had conked out while reviewing a report. He sat up, unaware. He blinked once, twice, three times, and then took a breath of relief.
Only a bad dream, he rubbed his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. Not reality. Thank God.
a secretary sounded from the door, Lady Une needs to speak to you. About some sort of a mission you need to do for her on L2.
After a speechless five minutes, Sally'd watched Wufei run out of the office, topple over a shelf, the water fountain, and knock over an executive. Then run out the front of the building. She and the secretary had mouths gaping like the Grand Canyon.
What was that all about?
I've never seen a man--much less, Wufei--run like that before, Sally stared at the secretary. What was the mission?
She checked her notes. Just a small group of hackers trying to break into the ESUN. Not even on L2, just on a satellite. Probably a bunch of kids. Nothing big.
Agreeing, Sally took a sip of her coffee and went in Wufei's place to Lady Une's office. He screamed like a girl about some kids? What a wuss.
The End