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2 Harry Potter and The Plight of the Bored Fan Fic Writer
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Part One- JK Rowling
Joanne Kathleen Rowling, respected author and creator of Harry Potter walked into CFFWGW (Crazy Fan Fic Writers Gone Wrong) one Saturday morning with a wad of gum in her mouth, and a tired look on her face.
Gunny Stereotype, the boss of the program blew on his cigar and faced her with his small, beady eyes. "JK, we got a problem."
JK Rowling rolled her eyes. "Can you stop telling me that every time I come here? What is with you? There's always some problem with you!"
Gunny shook his head. "This time it's serious."
JK sat in the pleather chair with an annoyed looked on her face. "Try me."
"Well . . . You won't believe this, but . . . You know that Harry Potter fantasy series your writing?"
JK nodded and blew a bubble with her gum.
"Well, it's not all fantasy."
"What?" JK was getting impatient. She had a daughter to feed and some plants to water at home and she had no time for some big riddle from Gunny What's-His-Name sitting in front of her with that chocolate cigar of his.
"We discovered a tiny blip on the radar of our satellite near the place you said that Toadwarts place would be-"
"Hogwarts."
"Yeah, whatever. Look, when our staff flew over to investigate, guess what we found?"
"What?"
"Ruins. Just like you wrote in your books."
"You read my books?" JK asked.
"No, but some of our staff did."
"Thought so."
"What, you don't believe that I can read your books?"
"Exactly how did we get off of the topic here? And, so what, there were ruins? It could have been anything! Why are you even bothering me?"
"Er . . ." Gunny had stared to stare at her strangely.
"What?" JK was ready to slap Gunny when she felt something glow around her. It was a golden mist, transparent to the touch, but ever so warm. And it was all around her.
"This is probably a bad time to tell you, but your glowing."
JK rolled her eyes once again. "Gee, thanks."
But before she knew it, she felt herself being pulled out of the existence she was in and into one that only fantasies were made of. Literally.
Part Two- Harry Potter
"Ron, are you sure that our first class is Potions today?" Hermione said, looking over his shoulder at the schedule.
"Yep." He checked the schedule again and groaned. "Snape right after breakfast. I'm just skipping with joy."
Harry took the schedule from Ron and looked at it. "After that, we have . . . oh no! Divination! With Professor Gloom and Doom herself. This is possibly the worst schedule day for Gryffindor."
Hermione took a bite from her sausage and gave them a satisfactory smile. "Well, if you two had dropped out of that class like I did, you wouldn't have her."
"I still can't believe you did that, Hermione." Ron said in leftover awe.
"Well, I'll see you boys later. I'm going to the library."
"What is it with you and the library?" Ron said in annoyance.
"Well, I, unlike some people, study." She gave Ron a glare.
"Hermione, midterms haven't even been announced a date yet. What do you need to study for?" Harry asked her.
Hermione shrugged and stood. "I don't know. Bye."
"Girls . . ." Ron muttered under his breath.
JK Rowling landed behind a large shelf of books, and gasped. She knew where she was. The Hogwarts library.
She slid from one shelf to another and heard Hermione humming to herself as she picked book after book. JK was shocked. It really was Hermione. JK quickly grabbed Hermione's arm and dragged her behind the bookshelf. To muffle Hermione's scream, she put her hand to the girl's mouth. "Shh . . . I mean no harm, really." She whispered.
When she let go of Hermione's mouth, Hermione straightened herself out and said in a sarcastic tone, "Well of course you don't mean any harm if you dragged me behind a bookshelf and tried to cover my mouth. Who are you?"
JK looked down. "I'm . . .er . . . I'm your creator."
"What?"
JK sighed. "Sit down, kid. This is going to take a long while . . ."
In Potion's class, Snape just finished reading the attendance when he glared at Harry and Ron. "Where is that cheeky show-off, Miss Granger?"
"Dunno." Harry said.
Snape gave Harry a cruel smile. "Ten points from Gryffindor because Famous Mister Potter thinks himself too precious to say that his friend is cutting class."
"What?" Ron said as if he was scandalized.
"Twenty points, Weasley . . ." Snape said happily, as if he had been waiting for this moment for all of his life.
Harry kicked Ron under the table. "Don't say anything else, or we might just get detention." He whispered.
"I bet Hermione's just having the time of her life." Ron muttered.
"Can you explain it to me again, just so I can understand it better?"
"Well," JK Rowling repeated as if it all made sense, " I am a writer. You are what I write about. You and your friends, actually. And I have somehow been transported into your world."
Hermione burst out laughing. "Honestly," she said, snorting, "It gets funnier every time you say it. So who are you really?"
JK wanted to tear her hair out. Or, more possibly Hermione's. "I told you! I made you, can't you see?" She stuck her tongue out as a load of Hufflepuffs looked their way.
Hermione slowly shook her head. JK took a piece of parchment from the desk and asked to borrow Hermione's quill. "I won't bite it."
"Fine. But one scratch, and . . ."
JK was already writing. When she was done, she let Hermione read it:
Harry, Ron, and Hermione (and JK Rowling) faced the dragon with shaking limbs. It was enormous, with large, poisonous fangs and an ugly scaly body covered in large, massive spikes. Smoke was flaring from its nostrils.
When JK was done, Hermione smiled. "How exactly is this supposed to prove that I'm a made up – HEY!"
Harry, Ron, Hermione, and JK Rowling were facing an enormous dragon - exactly like the one JK had described.
"What are we doing back here?" Harry said over the heavy breathing of the dragon. They were still in the Hogwarts library. Then he saw the dragon. "Uh-oh."
Madam Pince, the vulture-like librarian came forward to the dragon with a duster in one hand. "I hope you're not expecting any of our books to be flame-retardant, Mister! No siree! If I see one spot of ash on my books- "
But the dragon burned Madam Pince with one huff, and she fell to the floor like a bowling pin.
"JK, can't you do anything to revive her?" Hermione said worriedly.
"Yeah," Ron agreed with her. "I-I . . . I have an overdue library book."
"RON!" Hermione and Harry said in a unison.
"WHAT? I had nothing else to say!"
JK scribbled frantically with the quill. When she was done, she let Harry, Ron, and Hermione read.
Madam Pince, who was not really injured, got up and immediately recognized the dragon as her ex-boy friend, Alfonzo.
Hermione narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "Wait a minute. When you write books about us, are they PG?
JK was shocked. "Of course!"
"What?" Harry and Ron asked, both extremely confused by this whole situation. As Hermione explained everything, JK watched as Madam Pince stood up and gave Alfonzo a stern look. "No wonder we broke up!" She said angrily. Then, her face became dreamy. "But you were so full of fire . . ." As Madam Pince hugged Alfonzo, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and even JK groaned.
"Can you get us out of this?" Ron said disgustedly.
"My pleasure . . ." JK said, scribbling : JK flicked her wand, and they all ended up in Dumbledore's office.
This, by far, was JK's favorite room since she arrived here. It was circular and plush, and Fawkes was sitting in his cage quietly.
Dumbledore appeared, with curlers and tin foil in his hair and beard. "What?" He said, shocked. "Oh, sorry, I didn't know I had company . . ."
JK scribbled on the parchment : Dumbledore was NOT in the disgusting scene he is in now . . . he was wearing his usual wizard's robes, and . . . had an extra pack of gum. Since hers was getting stale, she added that extra last bit.
Dumbledore immediately pulled out a pack of Doublemints. "Gum, anyone? It doubles your pleasure."
JK took a stick of gum and began to chew. "Er, I have a problem."
"Yes dear, I know," Dumbledore said with a quick nod. "You are the writer of this universe that we live in, and you have been zapped in this place for some mysterious reason, and you are now looking for a way out."
"How did you know?" JK asked in astonishment.
"Because it says so on that piece of paper your holding. " He gestured towards the parchment.
JK read: Dumbledore knew the situation without being told.
Hermione blushed. "I added that last little bit during the 'dragon love trails' scene. But it does save a lot of time, doesn't it?"
JK turned to Dumbledore. "Well, how do I get back?"
Dumbledore shrugged. "Beats me. Can I go watch Felicity now?"
"Hey! I didn't write anything about you knowing about American TV shows!"
"But I did," Harry said, blushing. "I thought it would be sort of catchy, you know?"
JK was not amused. "No, I don't know! Enough with you writing my stories for me. I'm the writer here, remember?"
Hermione was looking at Ron, who looked back at her and said, "What?" innocently. Then, after a few seconds, "Okay, fine. I wrote the curlers part, okay?"
"Oh, that makes me feel so much better . . ." JK said sarcastically. She wrote Dumbledore knows how I get out of here.
Immediately, Dumbledore grew a bit silent. "You gotta kiss me." He said.
"Excuse me?" JK said, looking at him as if he were insane.
"Yeah. A big wet one, smack in the face. That's how you get out."
"Since when did I make Dumbledore a pervert?" JK muttered under her breath.
"Er, you didn't . . ." A dark voice said behind her. She spun around and saw Alfonzo the Dragon behind her. JK screamed for dear life. "Why do I always have that affect on people?" Alfonzo said angrily. "What, am I some big scaly dragon that- oops. Okay, I'll shut up now." He said.
"Okay, who brought Alfonzo in?" JK said angrily.
Harry tapped JK on the back. "That was my last time, I swear . . ."
JK scribbled JK finally goes back to her own world and writes HP books instead of being in them. The End.
"Bye!" she waved to the characters.
She ended up at home with her daughter next to her. "Mom? You, like totally spazzed out!"
"Oh, honey, I had the worst possible nightmare . . . but I also have some new writing ideas." JK grinned mischievously.
"Mom, you totally write too much!" Her daughter said disgustedly.
"I know . . ."
Author's Note: This was not written to offend any persons. Alfonzo the dragon and Gunny Stereotype are mine, but the rest belong to JK (even cute ickle Ronniekins).
2 Harry Potter and The Plight of the Bored Fan Fic Writer
3
4
5
Part One- JK Rowling
Joanne Kathleen Rowling, respected author and creator of Harry Potter walked into CFFWGW (Crazy Fan Fic Writers Gone Wrong) one Saturday morning with a wad of gum in her mouth, and a tired look on her face.
Gunny Stereotype, the boss of the program blew on his cigar and faced her with his small, beady eyes. "JK, we got a problem."
JK Rowling rolled her eyes. "Can you stop telling me that every time I come here? What is with you? There's always some problem with you!"
Gunny shook his head. "This time it's serious."
JK sat in the pleather chair with an annoyed looked on her face. "Try me."
"Well . . . You won't believe this, but . . . You know that Harry Potter fantasy series your writing?"
JK nodded and blew a bubble with her gum.
"Well, it's not all fantasy."
"What?" JK was getting impatient. She had a daughter to feed and some plants to water at home and she had no time for some big riddle from Gunny What's-His-Name sitting in front of her with that chocolate cigar of his.
"We discovered a tiny blip on the radar of our satellite near the place you said that Toadwarts place would be-"
"Hogwarts."
"Yeah, whatever. Look, when our staff flew over to investigate, guess what we found?"
"What?"
"Ruins. Just like you wrote in your books."
"You read my books?" JK asked.
"No, but some of our staff did."
"Thought so."
"What, you don't believe that I can read your books?"
"Exactly how did we get off of the topic here? And, so what, there were ruins? It could have been anything! Why are you even bothering me?"
"Er . . ." Gunny had stared to stare at her strangely.
"What?" JK was ready to slap Gunny when she felt something glow around her. It was a golden mist, transparent to the touch, but ever so warm. And it was all around her.
"This is probably a bad time to tell you, but your glowing."
JK rolled her eyes once again. "Gee, thanks."
But before she knew it, she felt herself being pulled out of the existence she was in and into one that only fantasies were made of. Literally.
Part Two- Harry Potter
"Ron, are you sure that our first class is Potions today?" Hermione said, looking over his shoulder at the schedule.
"Yep." He checked the schedule again and groaned. "Snape right after breakfast. I'm just skipping with joy."
Harry took the schedule from Ron and looked at it. "After that, we have . . . oh no! Divination! With Professor Gloom and Doom herself. This is possibly the worst schedule day for Gryffindor."
Hermione took a bite from her sausage and gave them a satisfactory smile. "Well, if you two had dropped out of that class like I did, you wouldn't have her."
"I still can't believe you did that, Hermione." Ron said in leftover awe.
"Well, I'll see you boys later. I'm going to the library."
"What is it with you and the library?" Ron said in annoyance.
"Well, I, unlike some people, study." She gave Ron a glare.
"Hermione, midterms haven't even been announced a date yet. What do you need to study for?" Harry asked her.
Hermione shrugged and stood. "I don't know. Bye."
"Girls . . ." Ron muttered under his breath.
JK Rowling landed behind a large shelf of books, and gasped. She knew where she was. The Hogwarts library.
She slid from one shelf to another and heard Hermione humming to herself as she picked book after book. JK was shocked. It really was Hermione. JK quickly grabbed Hermione's arm and dragged her behind the bookshelf. To muffle Hermione's scream, she put her hand to the girl's mouth. "Shh . . . I mean no harm, really." She whispered.
When she let go of Hermione's mouth, Hermione straightened herself out and said in a sarcastic tone, "Well of course you don't mean any harm if you dragged me behind a bookshelf and tried to cover my mouth. Who are you?"
JK looked down. "I'm . . .er . . . I'm your creator."
"What?"
JK sighed. "Sit down, kid. This is going to take a long while . . ."
In Potion's class, Snape just finished reading the attendance when he glared at Harry and Ron. "Where is that cheeky show-off, Miss Granger?"
"Dunno." Harry said.
Snape gave Harry a cruel smile. "Ten points from Gryffindor because Famous Mister Potter thinks himself too precious to say that his friend is cutting class."
"What?" Ron said as if he was scandalized.
"Twenty points, Weasley . . ." Snape said happily, as if he had been waiting for this moment for all of his life.
Harry kicked Ron under the table. "Don't say anything else, or we might just get detention." He whispered.
"I bet Hermione's just having the time of her life." Ron muttered.
"Can you explain it to me again, just so I can understand it better?"
"Well," JK Rowling repeated as if it all made sense, " I am a writer. You are what I write about. You and your friends, actually. And I have somehow been transported into your world."
Hermione burst out laughing. "Honestly," she said, snorting, "It gets funnier every time you say it. So who are you really?"
JK wanted to tear her hair out. Or, more possibly Hermione's. "I told you! I made you, can't you see?" She stuck her tongue out as a load of Hufflepuffs looked their way.
Hermione slowly shook her head. JK took a piece of parchment from the desk and asked to borrow Hermione's quill. "I won't bite it."
"Fine. But one scratch, and . . ."
JK was already writing. When she was done, she let Hermione read it:
Harry, Ron, and Hermione (and JK Rowling) faced the dragon with shaking limbs. It was enormous, with large, poisonous fangs and an ugly scaly body covered in large, massive spikes. Smoke was flaring from its nostrils.
When JK was done, Hermione smiled. "How exactly is this supposed to prove that I'm a made up – HEY!"
Harry, Ron, Hermione, and JK Rowling were facing an enormous dragon - exactly like the one JK had described.
"What are we doing back here?" Harry said over the heavy breathing of the dragon. They were still in the Hogwarts library. Then he saw the dragon. "Uh-oh."
Madam Pince, the vulture-like librarian came forward to the dragon with a duster in one hand. "I hope you're not expecting any of our books to be flame-retardant, Mister! No siree! If I see one spot of ash on my books- "
But the dragon burned Madam Pince with one huff, and she fell to the floor like a bowling pin.
"JK, can't you do anything to revive her?" Hermione said worriedly.
"Yeah," Ron agreed with her. "I-I . . . I have an overdue library book."
"RON!" Hermione and Harry said in a unison.
"WHAT? I had nothing else to say!"
JK scribbled frantically with the quill. When she was done, she let Harry, Ron, and Hermione read.
Madam Pince, who was not really injured, got up and immediately recognized the dragon as her ex-boy friend, Alfonzo.
Hermione narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "Wait a minute. When you write books about us, are they PG?
JK was shocked. "Of course!"
"What?" Harry and Ron asked, both extremely confused by this whole situation. As Hermione explained everything, JK watched as Madam Pince stood up and gave Alfonzo a stern look. "No wonder we broke up!" She said angrily. Then, her face became dreamy. "But you were so full of fire . . ." As Madam Pince hugged Alfonzo, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and even JK groaned.
"Can you get us out of this?" Ron said disgustedly.
"My pleasure . . ." JK said, scribbling : JK flicked her wand, and they all ended up in Dumbledore's office.
This, by far, was JK's favorite room since she arrived here. It was circular and plush, and Fawkes was sitting in his cage quietly.
Dumbledore appeared, with curlers and tin foil in his hair and beard. "What?" He said, shocked. "Oh, sorry, I didn't know I had company . . ."
JK scribbled on the parchment : Dumbledore was NOT in the disgusting scene he is in now . . . he was wearing his usual wizard's robes, and . . . had an extra pack of gum. Since hers was getting stale, she added that extra last bit.
Dumbledore immediately pulled out a pack of Doublemints. "Gum, anyone? It doubles your pleasure."
JK took a stick of gum and began to chew. "Er, I have a problem."
"Yes dear, I know," Dumbledore said with a quick nod. "You are the writer of this universe that we live in, and you have been zapped in this place for some mysterious reason, and you are now looking for a way out."
"How did you know?" JK asked in astonishment.
"Because it says so on that piece of paper your holding. " He gestured towards the parchment.
JK read: Dumbledore knew the situation without being told.
Hermione blushed. "I added that last little bit during the 'dragon love trails' scene. But it does save a lot of time, doesn't it?"
JK turned to Dumbledore. "Well, how do I get back?"
Dumbledore shrugged. "Beats me. Can I go watch Felicity now?"
"Hey! I didn't write anything about you knowing about American TV shows!"
"But I did," Harry said, blushing. "I thought it would be sort of catchy, you know?"
JK was not amused. "No, I don't know! Enough with you writing my stories for me. I'm the writer here, remember?"
Hermione was looking at Ron, who looked back at her and said, "What?" innocently. Then, after a few seconds, "Okay, fine. I wrote the curlers part, okay?"
"Oh, that makes me feel so much better . . ." JK said sarcastically. She wrote Dumbledore knows how I get out of here.
Immediately, Dumbledore grew a bit silent. "You gotta kiss me." He said.
"Excuse me?" JK said, looking at him as if he were insane.
"Yeah. A big wet one, smack in the face. That's how you get out."
"Since when did I make Dumbledore a pervert?" JK muttered under her breath.
"Er, you didn't . . ." A dark voice said behind her. She spun around and saw Alfonzo the Dragon behind her. JK screamed for dear life. "Why do I always have that affect on people?" Alfonzo said angrily. "What, am I some big scaly dragon that- oops. Okay, I'll shut up now." He said.
"Okay, who brought Alfonzo in?" JK said angrily.
Harry tapped JK on the back. "That was my last time, I swear . . ."
JK scribbled JK finally goes back to her own world and writes HP books instead of being in them. The End.
"Bye!" she waved to the characters.
She ended up at home with her daughter next to her. "Mom? You, like totally spazzed out!"
"Oh, honey, I had the worst possible nightmare . . . but I also have some new writing ideas." JK grinned mischievously.
"Mom, you totally write too much!" Her daughter said disgustedly.
"I know . . ."
Author's Note: This was not written to offend any persons. Alfonzo the dragon and Gunny Stereotype are mine, but the rest belong to JK (even cute ickle Ronniekins).