Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em… 1/5

By Ginny Ha-ha

Title; Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em…

Author name; Ginny Ha-ha

Author e-mail; Rachel@meghora.freeserve.co.uk

Category; Humour

Keywords; MWPP-era, Lily, Petunia, siblings

Spoilers; all 4 books

Summary; ever wondered what it would be like to be a sibling to one of the Marauders? Perfect Lily; Idiotic Peter; Irritating James; Psychotic Sirius; Cynical Remus… how would *you* survive?! Now is the time for their families to tell it like it is…

   Disclaimer; This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK    Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic   Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no   copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Promise.

Author's Note; I found the first draft of this floating around in my fic folder, and decided to continue it! ^.^ This story is dedicated to my own set of little Marauders-in-training; Awful Alice, Silly Millie, Daft Peter, Amazing Grace and Mrs. Across The Road's lot… but only because you will die horribly if you wreck my room again and I really aught to make up for that.

Ginny Ha-ha

Chapter 1; Petunia and Lily; Awfulness in Ankle Socks!

"Mummieeeeee!" Lily shrieked at the top of her shrill voice, "Mummieeeee, Petunia's being meeeeeean!"

Oh, for the trials of a spoilt brat!

 "It's all a lie! Whatever she says, it's not true!" I yelled down the stairs after the fast retreating form of my 10 year old sister.

 10 years old- almost 11- and she still behaved like a baby. A Little Miss bloody Wonderful, who can Do No Wrong.

 Well, what was it any of her business what I was doing in my room?! Since when didn't I deserve my privacy?! Since when was she allowed in my room?! Since when—

"Petunia Elizabeth Evans! Come here right now!"

I slouched down stairs, scowling blackly. Lily's huge green eyes, misty with crocodile tears, gazed back at me from behind mum, just awfulness in ankle socks.

 "What?" I scowled sullenly back at them.

 "Tormenting your sister like this is not acceptable..."

 Rotten little baggage, one day I'd get her, and then she'll be sorry...

"She's younger then you, and much smaller..."

 As soon as I'm old enough to get away from her, you bet I will, I swear, as soon as I'm 18...

 "I despair of you, I really do, it's not like you don't know better..."

 And I'll get a house of my own, with no little brats to contend with. Mummy and daddy's little angel, little Miss. Lily Perfect Evans...

 "If you do this once more you will be in big trouble, do I make myself clear?"

 And if Darling Lily turned up at my door, I'll get a big dog, with really sharp teeth...

 "Are you listening to me, Petunia?"

"... Uh?" I woke up out of my daydream of possible fates for Lily's future, but mum was off, talking again.

 "You had better pull your socks up and stop acting so pig-ignorant, or you will end up wishing you had never been born, my girl."

 Yeah, yeah, pull the other one; it's got brass bells on...

 And so on.

 This is what average family day is like;

 Lily annoys me on purpose; I shout at her; she goes crying to mum; I get told off and banned from doing all sorts of things; Lily gets a cuddle and a peck on the cheek, and told that I'm an ignorant teenager who should know better but doesn't.

 It's enough to drive you bonkers!

 And Lily will be 11 in a week's time. She'll go to my secondary school in September, of all the embarrassing things. Can you imagine it?!

 Miriam, my best friend, thinks that Lily is the most adorable darling on the planet. She would; Miriam's an only child. Many's the time I've heard her squeal "Oooh, Petunia, don't be so mean to poor little Lily-kins!" And then Lily does the trusty old 'I'm telling on you, you're always so mean, and I'm only little' regime, and Miriam practically melts. It's enough for me to kill the both of them, some days.

 I'm the oldest, and I hate it. I know I wasn't born with looks, and I lost the ability to do puppy- dog eyes and simper as soon as I started primary school aged 6. There was no point; the teacher was practically Adolph Hitler in a skirt. She even had the toothbrush moustache.

 But Lily... she's something else entirely. She has these huge grass-green eyes that make you feel guilty even when you just look at her, hair like a curtain the colour of marigolds, very long, and slightly curly, a mouth like a rosebud, and a face as round as a little poppy.

 She looks like she should be planted in a pot and watered every day. I wish they would; that'd keep her out of my room.

~*~

 Nowadays, I think I could have just about been able to stand her, if only that ruddy owl hadn't turned up, a- tapping on the window-pane, with a letter- of all the improbable things- for Lily.

 Not me. Lily.

 Lily, for whom everything always went right.

"Har har, Petunia, I'm going to a special school, where I can learn magic, and..."

"Shut up, freak! Go and find some other victim to pester!"

"Oooh, mummieeeee, Petunia called me a name..."

This time, though, I was having none of it; "You don't think it's real do you. I mean! A school for magic?! You're bleedin' barking."

She stared back at me with those gigantic green eyes, "Don't be silly. 'Course it's real."

"I said you were barking, and this proves it."

"I am not!"

"You are so. And you know what?"

"What?"

"If it is real, you know what it means, don't you?"

"What?" She blinked at me with shimmering eyes.

I was feeling spiteful. I didn't care about Lily's feelings, "If it is real, it means you are a freak. A Grade A, real weirdo."

She looked at me, her rosebud mouth in a knot. "Shaddup! You don't know what you're on about."

 But I believed my own words… whether or not Lily did, I was never sure. I'd never believed that she was a real, proper freak; you know, not in a not-all-right-upstairs sort of way, but as soon as it turned out that her letter was true, I just knew.

 And I was even more jealous of her for it.

 Of course, I never wanted to be a weirdo, but I did want to be someone special, and with a witch in the family, there was no contest.

 Some days, I wish she was dead, just so that I could beat her at something, not have anyone to contend with, you know.

 You don't know how awful it is, unless you experience being beaten at absolutely everything.

If I got chosen to be in the chorus for a play, Lily would be the heroine. If I passed an exam, Lily would get higher. If I even played a computer game, Lily would score better then me.

 Maybe, one day, she'll be normal. Or maybe, one day, something will happen to her that means I can bally well be Top again.

 Maybe.

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