~ An overused, bittersweet AU where Aizawa realises a little too late that he is in love with Shiraishi.

warning; angst ahead, proceed with caution!

Kousaku Aizawa's life was perfect. At least, according to the people around him.

He has prided himself for being one of the best Neurosurgeons in Shohoku. His reputation was an almost perfect record, tainted only by one or two cases he couldn't have done much for. Even so, he was untouchable. Everyone knew who he was, how skilled he was. He was successful, and many believed that he was leading an exemplary life that was flawless.

It was true that his career was established and successful. It was also true that he was able to live comfortably without worry. Even so, Kousaku didn't think his life was perfect. He had made decisions he had regretted, and there were definitely things he would want to change if he could go back to the past. There were actions he had wished he didn't do, promises he had made that he wished he didn't.

But the most glaring mistake of all, the one thing he regretted most, was the one thing he ended up not doing.

If he could turn back time, Kousaku wished it would bring him back to his days in medical school. The time when he met her. This person was his friend and confidant. His support pillar. The person he knew he could count on, who always seemed to have his back. Through thick and thin, she was there for him.

This person is the love of his life.

And she is getting married today.

The first time he met her, Kousaku Aizawa had not bother to ask for her name.

He had walked into the library as early as he could in the morning, hoping to find a desk at the corner of the library where no one would disturb him, when he saw that the seat was already occupied by a young lady. There were books scattered all across the table her head bowed so low her nose almost touched the pages of an opened textbook. The young lady, Kousaku had observed silently, was scribbling furiously on a piece of paper, never once looking up even when he slide into the empty seat in front of hers.

Without a word, Kousaku had taken out his notebook and one pen (unlike her colourful pens and highlighters spread over the table) before flipping open his textbook and began writing his notes. He realised it was the same textbook she was reading, but unlike him, she was three chapters ahead. Kousaku vaguely remembered that at that time, he had been mildly impressed with her, though he had kept quiet.

He didn't know exactly when the young lady took notice of him, but he reckoned it was a few minutes after. Kousaku didn't look up, though he could feel her eyes boring into him. She was frowning, eyebrows furrowed together in confusion, and Kousaku could sense it without having the need the glance at her direction.

He knew exactly what she was thinking; why did he have to choose this same table as her when there were plenty of empty tables elsewhere? Kousaku had readied himself to answer in case she asked, but to his pleasant surprise, she didn't. It was as though she understood his intentions, and realised his reason was the same as hers—corner seats were hidden from plain sight, therefore no one would disturb them. They were easily the best seats in the library.

And so, they both sat in silence, deeply engrossed in their textbooks that neither found the right time to actually say anything.

Years later, Kousaku would recall that memory and wonder if they were destined to be like that from the very beginning; quiet, compatible, but never having the right timing.

Kousaku found out later, by chance, that her name was Megumi Shiraishi.

They had a few lectures together, and he couldn't help but notice she was always seated at the front row. Somehow, it didn't surprise him as Kousaku had known from moment he saw her that she was studious. He didn't want to call her a nerd; it didn't feel right to label someone he just met as that. There was something about Megumi Shiraishi that intrigued him, though he did nothing to suggest that.

"Hey, Kousaku!" The moment he heard that voice, Kousaku mentally sighed. It was Kazuo Fujikawa, one of his self-proclaimed close friends who couldn't seem to take a hint that he wasn't interested in making friends. "Did you know that Mitsui-sensei told us to read three chapters ahead for her lecture today?"

"Yeah." His reply was curt. Kousaku didn't even bother looking into Kazuo's direction. In fact, he didn't even know what to call him. The latter had taken his own initiative to calling him by his first name, but Kousaku didn't think they were that close yet for him to do the same.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" Kazuo asked exasperatedly. "Do you think she's going to give us a test today? Is that why she told us to read in advance?"

Kousaku merely shrugged. "I'm not sure, Fujikawa-san."

"Oh my god. I'm going to die. This is bad, this is really bad." Kazuo was panicking and Kousaku didn't know what to do. So, he did what he did best; he kept mum.

It was then that he realised the two female students walking ahead of them. Shiraishi was one of them, while he didn't know who the other one was. He guessed it was her close friend, since they were always together wherever they go.

"Oi, Hiyama-san, Shiraishi-san!" Kazuo had sauntered to their direction, waving his hand in the air as he repeated what he asked Kousaku.

The woman named Hiyama had plainly nodded before her smile turned into a full blown laugh. "You forgot about it, didn't you? You're so dead, Fujikawa-san."

"He didn't tell me, how was I to know?" Kazuo had jerked his head at Kousaku's direction, and both women turned their heads to look at him instead. Kousaku frowned, arms crossed as he stopped behind Kazuo. "Why is this my fault?"

"Oh, you're Aizawa-san, right?" Hiyama asked before jutting a hand out. "I'm Mihoko Hiyama. Fujikawa-san couldn't stop talking about his genius friend—"

"Excuse me?" Kazuo had gasped out loud, interrupting Mihoko's sentence. "Since when?"

"Since like, forever." Mihoko rolled her eyes while Kazuo darted glances repeatedly at Kousaku and then Mihoko. He was flustered, clearly.

"I did not! I was just saying how Kousaku here is my friend—"

"And that's not talking about him?"

They began to bicker, Kousaku staring at them in amusement before noticing that the library girl, Shiraishi was looking at him. Their eyes meet, and in two seconds, she had looked away.

"We've met before." He simply stated as an attempt to ease the awkwardness in the air.

Megumi nodded in response. "You sat at my table the other day in the library. Aizawa-san, right?" She recalled the name Mihoko had pointed out earlier, and it was his turn to nod.

Kousaku, unsure of what else to say, didn't say anything else. Mihoko and Kazuo were still arguing over something, but he wasn't interested to know what. Kousaku turned towards the other female and tipped his head slightly. "Well, I should go now." He muttered and walked away without looking back.

If he had, Kousaku would have seen that Megumi was looking at him, confusion masked on her face.

"Good morning, Aizawa-san."

Kousaku glanced up from his notes to meet the gaze of Megumi Shiraishi. It was 9 in the morning, and when Kousaku had arrived in the library half an hour ago, he had been somewhat surprised to find the table by the corner empty.

"Shiraishi-san." He greeted back, before looking down at his notes again. Kousaku didn't exactly pay heed to what Shiraishi (it felt weird calling her by her first name in his mind, so he settled with her family name) was doing, but he could tell that she was not doing anything, which was even weirder, so he glanced up at her direction again.

Megumi was already seated, but she had not taken out her notebook and pens. Instead, she was staring at the book in front of Kousaku, wanting to say something but couldn't.

"Shiraishi-san?" Kousaku was the first to speak after that long silence, and Megumi jumped slightly in her seat. "Yes?" She responded, her eyes now on him.

"Do you need something?" He raised an eyebrow, to which Megumi hesitated before nodding.

"Umm…it's that book you're reading." She quietly pointed, "I was looking for that actually. It seems there's only one copy of that book here and I don't think we can borrow it…"

"Oh." Kousaku understood immediately what she had meant. He looked at his half completed notes and frowned.

"It's not a problem, you can read it first," Megumi was quick to continue with a wave of her hand in the air. "Just let me know when you're done with—"

"We can share it." Kousaku ignored her, pushing the book to the center. "I don't mind."

Megumi was bewildered at that suggestion, her eyes so wide that Kousaku thought he had said something wrong. He saw how she furrowed her eyebrows together, contemplating on a reply, debating whether she should accept his gesture or not.

It was quite endearing, if he were to be honest with himself. How she was overthinking something that was so simple. He tapped on the page and pushed it even more towards her. "I insist."

Then finally, Megumi broke into a shy grin, cheeks colouring slightly. "T-thank you, Aizawa-san!"

Kousaku had not realised then, that when he saw how she smiled at him like that for the first time, his heart had skipped a beat. He had not realised, that something was blossoming in his heart. Slowly, but surely.

"Oh?"

Megumi's voice broke his train of thoughts a week later in one of the lectures. She was standing beside his table, flustered but a smile had graced her lips. "I guess we're partners, then?"

There was a pair assignment that morning, selected based by seating arrangements. Kousaku had not given much thought when he quietly slide into one of the back seats, knowing most students would find themselves in the front seats. Which was why it struck him a little odd to find Shiraishi by his desk, as she took the empty seat beside him without saying anything else.

"I guess so." Kousaku nodded, forcing himself to give a slight smile. If any, he was grateful that his partner was her. She had exemplary work ethics, and he wasn't annoyed by her presence. "Looks like I finally have a competent partner to work with."

She blushed. He wasn't looking.

They fell into a silence, watching their professor explain the assignment in further detail. Nothing else was said between them during the lecture that day, and it was only when the lecture ended that Kousaku decided to speak, again. "Shiraishi-san, I'm just really curious," Megumi stopped putting her textbook into her bag at that, turning slightly to look at him. "why aren't you seated in front, today?"

"Eh?"

For some reason he didn't know, he could tell that she was turning flustered at that question. He could see her blushing as she struggled to come up with an answer.

"Megumi-chan!"

Mihoko was making her way towards their direction as Megumi quickly shoved the remaining textbook into her bag and stood up. "Yes, Mihoko?"

"Do you want to eat ramen for lunch today? Or soba? I have this odd craving for both…hey, Aizawa-san, do you want to—"

"O-oh, I'm fine with either! Maybe we can eat ramen today and soba, tomorrow!" Megumi replied hastily, already taking steps towards her friend. She turned sideways, eyes shyly meeting Kousaku's. "Bye, Aizawa-san."

"Bye." He simply answered, paying no heed to how quick she intercepted Mihoko and pulled her away before the latter could reach their desk. He merely shrugged and picked up his own textbook, forgetting all about the question he had asked, but never received an answer for.

It was true what people say about medical students being dull and boring. At least, it applied for Kousaku.

He shifted in his feet uncomfortably, the music blaring so loudly in the room that he was grimacing. Everyone else in the room were clearly having the time of their life, either chatting or dancing away, but Kousaku was having none of that. He heaved a sigh at the situation he was now caught in; Kazuo had somehow dragged him into a party he had absolutely no interest in, and he was pinned to the corner of the room, an untouched can of beer in his hands.

Kousaku wanted to leave then, but found himself stopping in his steps when he saw a familiar figure at the opposite side of the room. She was also pinned against the wall and she too, was bearing an expression that seemed to mirror his. Without thinking, Kousaku gingerly made his way towards her—Shiraishi.

"Hey," He shouted over the music in the background. She didn't notice him at first, but when she did, Megumi's face lit up. She nodded at him with a wave of a hand while saying something, but Kousaku didn't catch it. He could tell though that she was equally as uncomfortable as him being in this party.

"…seeing you…it's so…" Kousaku was struggling to hear her, but he could make out some of the words she was saying. He merely nodded, before gesturing that they go outside and escape from all this madness. Kousaku noticed that she was more than happy to agree to his suggestion, and they both began to squeeze their way out from the cramped living room.

The second they were both outside and breathing in fresh air, both of them expelled a breath of relief.

"Please remind me never to attend parties again." Megumi announced with a shudder. "Mihoko said it would be fun, so I decided to tag along but…"

Kousaku chuckled lightly, his questions immediately answered by one sentence alone. "I was dragged here by Fujikawa." He explained, despite not knowing if she would be interested to know why he too, was in this same party as her.

"Do you think it's okay if we just leave without telling them?" Megumi asked, to which Kousaku shrugged. "I'm sure they wouldn't mind. Maybe you could just message Hiyama-san to tell her that you've gone home."

"Oh! Right." Megumi mentally slapped herself for asking something so simple. She took out her phone and quickly typed a text to her friend. "I honestly don't know how they do it."

"Party, you mean?" Kousaku raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah. It's just so…loud." Megumi sheepishly replied. "I guess I'm more of a library person."

As soon as she said that, Kousaku could feel a smile coming. It was a simple sentence, yet there was an underlying hint that he too could relate to. "That makes both of us."

Megumi smiled, and they both walked in silence. Not quite sure of what to say, Megumi stole a few glances at the young man beside her. It was only after some time that she cleared her throat lightly to speak again. "So…have you done the online quiz?"

Kousaku nodded curtly. "Did it yesterday. Have you?" He asked, though already knowing what her answer would be.

"Yes. There was one question that took me quite some time to answer. It was tricky, since there were two possible answers but…ah, sorry. Why am I boring you with academic related things?" Megumi gave a nervous laugh and fell into another silence.

"Oh, no, it's okay. I quite like it, actually." Kousaku gave a half-smile at her direction. "I mean, where else can you actually discuss things with the number one student of our batch?"

Megumi's ears turned pink at that statement, her cheeks also flushing in sudden redness. "You think too highly of me, Aizawa-san."

"Ah," He shrugged nonchalantly. "It's a fact."

"Well, you're not too bad yourself." She replied with a laugh.

Kousaku left it at that. He wished he was better with words, wished he could somehow impress her. But his mind was blank, and his mouth dry. He really couldn't think of what else to say. When he stole a glance at her direction though, Kousaku saw the smile she hid shyly beneath her scarf. He reckoned she too, was contented with just being in the presence of each other.

Perhaps it was because Kousaku had never really known what love was. Perhaps it was because the idea of being in a relationship never once crossed his mind before. Perhaps graduating medical school was his first priority, perhaps he just never thought there was a need to date anyone.

The list of perhaps could go on forever, and Kousaku could reminisce the memory of being a young adult over and over again. Even then, he would never be able to find an answer as to why he never once tried to imagine Shiraishi being more than just friends.

He realised way too late that there was a possibility of him liking her more than just friends, but by that time it happened, they had already graduated. Years of being in medical school went by in a blink of an eye, countless mornings and nights spent in the library, infinite number of books and notes shared, endless discussions together, before Kousaku could realise anything, they were already saying their goodbyes; they were doing their fellowships at different locations, after all.

"All the best in everything you do after this, Aizawa-san!" Megumi had told him brightly on their last day in university. "When you become a famous doctor in the future, you won't forget about me, right?"

He scoffed, shaking his head. "I could say the same about you, Shiraishi-san."

Her grin faltered. "Aizawa-san…" Kousaku could tell that she was hesitating to say something; she was looking at her feet, playing with her fingers nervously. "There's something I want to tell you, before we leave."

"Oh. What is it?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Umm, I…" Megumi stammered, but she raised her head so that their eyes could meet. "I think I—"

"AIZAWA-SAN! SHIRAISHI-SAN!" Someone interrupted their moment from afar, as both of them whipped their heads to the direction of the voice. It was their class representative. "COME HERE! WE'RE TAKING A GROUP PHOTO!"

"Coming!" Megumi had waved back, before looking at Kousaku and gesturing at their batchmates huddled together in front of the building. "We should go."

Kousaku never got to hear what Megumi had to say. Sometimes, when he thought of this particular memory, Kousaku would wonder if, had she managed to finish her sentence, would anything have changed? Would things be different today, if he had asked her to repeat what she wanted to say?

He reckoned he would never know.

Fate has its way of reconnecting people.

It was a few years later when Kousaku met her by chance, again. They had attended a medical seminar as representatives of their respective hospitals, and when they stumbled upon each other, they were both equally, and pleasantly surprised.

Shiraishi looked the same—she was older, as was he, and definitely just as beautiful, if not more than how he remembered her to be. She had blushed at the sight of an old friend, nervous and flustered that she nearly knocked into another person. Kousaku had to fight back a laugh—he was glad to see her that evening, though he didn't think he showed much of his enthusiasm. It was just not in her personality, after all.

By then, Kousaku had quite forgotten how to speak to her. The years of their friendship in medical school did not consist of much words to begin with, anyway; actions always spoke louder than words, after all. There were many awkward and long pauses as they tried to make conversations with each other, Kousaku thought they barely just scrapped through that evening unscathed, when Shiraishi decided to ask;

"I…I was wondering if you would like to eat dinner together sometime?"

Something stirred in his stomach, but not quite so that he knew what it was. Kousaku merely nodded. "That would be nice." He continued after a heartbeat, "Are you still using the same number?"

She shook her head. "I changed my number some time ago. Here, let me give you my new one."

They exchanged phone numbers and bid goodbye. As he watched her back disappear into a corner, Kousaku could feel his inner demon cursing him for being so bad with women. He heaved a sigh, mentally chiding himself for his inability to construct proper sentences at crucial times like this, and then wondering why he even cared so much in the first place. Megu—Shiraishi, was just an old friend. Nothing more. Get a grip.

The dinner they promised to have together, however, never happened.

A few days after that seminar, Megumi had called him to let him know that she was heading back for her hometown; her father had passed away. She apologised, as she would always, for not being able to keep a promise, and all Kousaku could do was to offer his condolences and tell her not to worry about missing their dinner date. He asked if there was anything else he could do to help, to which she replied there was none.

"If you need to talk to anyone, just call me, okay?" was what he last told her before they ended the call.

He went to the funeral with Kazuo and met Mihoko there. But none were in much mood to catch up with each other, as they went for the sole purpose of making sure Megumi was all right. She was strong, though, never shedding a tear in front of them, and was very accommodating to everyone who came to pay their last respect.

"Thank you for coming all the way here." Megumi said softly, after every other guests had gone home and there were only Kousaku and her left in the funeral parlour. Mihoko was comforting her mother, while Kazuo had magically disappeared the moment Megumi made her way towards him and Kousaku.

"Don't worry about it. How are you coping?" Kousaku asked. He could tell, from the look on her face that she had kept all emotions locked within her heart. That she had kept a brave front the entire day for everyone else.

"I'm fine." Megumi managed a reply, though slightly choked up. "We were expecting it. I just wish it wasn't so soon."

"Hey, Shiraishi-san?" Kousaku placed a hand on her shoulder so that she would look at him. And when she did, he continued; "It's okay to cry."

A second past by, then another. It didn't take long for Megumi to finally crumble, silent tears streaming down her cheeks. Kousaku didn't say anything else, just pulled her into a hug and patted her shoulder gently.

After the funeral, they didn't see each other again.

And just like that, another year, then two went by.

Until one day he received a call from Kazuo, the latter delivering the news that Shiraishi was getting married, and she had invited them. He fell into a long silence, much to Kazuo's dismay.

"Kousaku? Hello? Are you listening to me? I said, Shiraishi-san is getting married. Did you hear me?"

"Yes." Kousaku finally said, his voice hoarse. "I heard you the first time."

"So? Are you going to do anything about it?"

"What do you mean?"

Kousaku could hear his friend groaning from the other line. Kazuo was frustrated at his indifference. "Aren't you going to do anything? Contact her, maybe? Tell her you've liked her since like, forever? Get her to, I don't know, call off the wedding?"

There was a sudden lump latching onto his throat. He really didn't know what to say; he couldn't bring himself to respond to Kazuo's suggestions.

"I need to go." Kousaku announced abruptly before hanging up. He pocketed his phone, took a deep breath, and focused his attention on the document in front of him. It took him a while to realise that he had been rereading the same sentence over and over again, unable to digest anything into his mind. All he could think of was what his friend just told him.

Shiraishi was getting married.

And when that reality finally sunk in, that was when his heart began to ache.

"You're getting married."

A week after hearing the news from Kazuo, Kousaku received the invitation card in person. Megumi had contacted him and asked if he would be free to meet up for coffee. She handed him the invitation card then. He could feel his heart breaking, but he remained calm and composed as he always was.

Megumi nodded with a small smile. "I guess I am."

"Congratulations." Kousaku said, forcing himself to smile. "I'm happy for you."

"Thank you, Aizawa-san."

In lieu to that came a period of unbreachable silence. Megumi was sipping her tea slowly, looking at everywhere but the man sitting in front of her. Kousaku, on the other hand, could only stare at the invitation card in silence. He picked it up after some time, studying it carefully, his thumb subconsciously caressing the name embossed on the card. He didn't want to look at the groom's name.

"It's okay if you can't make it. I understand that you're really busy." Megumi said slowly, her voice almost coming off as a whisper instead. But he heard her, loud and clear.

Kousaku shook his head. "I'll come, for sure."

"Great." Megumi bore an unreadable expression, her smile fading away. "Looking forward to meeting the entire gang there, then. Fujikawa-san is coming too, right?"

"He is." Kousaku nodded, then suddenly; "Can I ask you something?"

Megumi was slightly surprised at the change of tone, but she nodded, prompting him to continue; "This guy you're marrying…you love him?"

"Of course." Megumi answered softly, Kousaku noticed it was a few seconds late. "If I didn't, would I marry him?"

"That's great." He forced himself to smile. "I'm happy for you, then."

Then came the same expression again from earlier, the one Kousaku couldn't quite interpret. Megumi looked as if she wanted to say something, but was fighting against herself if she should, or shouldn't.

"Shiraishi-san."

"Hmm?"

Kousaku hesitated. There was something that he wanted to tell her, too. But like her, there was a constant battle inside him—the words just wouldn't flow out no matter how much he tried.

"It's okay, Aizawa-san." It was as though Megumi could read him. When he looked up, he was surprised to see tears in her eyes."You don't have to say anything. I know."

There was a long pause; Kousaku could feel his heart constricting again. "You do?"

She nodded once.

"But I'm still…you know I'm still happy for…"

"I know, Aizawa-san." She wiped her tears away swiftly, before plastering another huge smile on her face. "I know."

It was only when he recalled this moment years later, the image of Shiraishi still etched in his mind vividly till this day, that Kousaku realised how her smile did not reach her eyes.

"Do you love Shiraishi that much?"

The truth was as clear as the day, Aizawa Kousaku was in love with Shiraishi Megumi, but not all stories have a happy ending. He was in love with her, but there was nothing he could do about it. They were like parallel lines, always together, always near, but never meeting each other.

He told himself he was completely fine with that. As long as she was happy, the rest were just background details. It didn't matter that he was at the short end of the stick, didn't matter that he had to watch the one woman he loves being married to someone else. It would never change the way he feels about her—it was beyond his control.

"Yes, yes I do."

(end)

a/n: This has been sitting around in my WIP folder for more than 9 months! I remember deliberately not finishing it because it was getting too sad, and I was trying to write more fluff than angst for this OTP lmao, but anyway, I went back to it and decided to finish it. As mentioned in the summary, this is really just a simple and unoriginal plot that deals with how sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, you just don't end up with them. I was inspired to write this from a prompt I saw on Tumblr about two people sharing the same desk in the library, because it had the best spot. And somehow, it just became a fullblown angst fic lol.

Anyway, enough rambling. I hope you enjoyed reading it! I may, or may not, write another version solely from Shiraishi's POV (if this gets enough green light because that would mean putting all of you through ANOTHER ROUND OF ANGST) so yes, just let me know if you want me to write it lmao. Thank you!