Author's Note:

Fixed, updated, and re-posted.

This whole story is just an excuse for me to kill time and write something silly. If you happen to enjoy it then that is great.

As always this is an AU in which Sidious was defeated and Anakin left the Jedi Order.

I rated this T to be safe but really it's probably more of a K+ story.

Oh, and not that this has anything at all to do with this story but I thought I would let everyone know I am trying my hand at erotica so look out for a possible M rated story on here soon.

The Birds, The Bees, and The Banthas

•••

Location:

The planet Tatooine

the Skywalker residence

Time:

Nine and a half years after the downfall of Darth Sidious and the Jedi's exile of Anakin Skywalker

•••

It wasn't long after the Skywalkers told their curious three young children that they were expecting another child in the upcoming months did Luke, and in particular Leia and Kaiden start to positively overflow with a million and one questions.

It was Padmé's bright idea to take the children aside one day, Anakin with the boys, and herself with Leia, and to give them 'the talk'.

The twins were nine, and Kaiden had recently turned five, and though Padmé made it known that she felt all three were a little too young for that talk for her own taste, she still felt it was best to tell them now since the topic was timely and their questions would only grow exponentially when the new baby was born.

"Are you sure?" Anakin had asked her. His cheeks were flushed and his hands twitched nervously just at the thought of having to explain things to his children. Things that hadn't even been explained to him as a child. "Can't they just figure it out on their own? I did that." He knew his attempt at dodging his responsibility was a lame one, but it was worth a shot. Padmé's serious and no nonsense, matter-of-fact retort of "But you were Padawan and expected to be celibate for the rest of your life. We can't expect the same of our children. You are their father. It's your responsibility to teach them and prepare them for life, Ani," told him there was absolutely no getting out of this no matter how much he tried.

Explaining to his young sons about sex wasn't exactly something he wanted to do right now. Or ever, really. And though he was thankful about not having to tell Leia about the facts of life he was more than a little unnerved that his only little girl would be learning about them to begin with. Couldn't that wait? Like, until she was thirty-eight or something?

When the day finally came in which the Skywalkers would tell their children about sex and answer any and all questions their children may have Anakin found himself unusually nervous. As silly as the thought was, Anakin honestly never even felt this uneasy back in his days as a Jedi.

Before they braved their venture Padmé had one final parting advice to her anxious husband, "Use the proper words for...things. Be clinical, but not too clinical that it just ends up going over their heads. Make sure they understand what you are saying most of all. Try to explain things as professionally as you can while remaining on their level."

"But I don't think - "

"You can." She told him confidently before placing a swift peck of a kiss on the lips, "You'll be fine, Anakin." Tenderly she smiled at him reassuringly. "Just remember what I said."

Anakin forced himself to smile back.

With one final nod of solidarity to her partner Padmé left to go to Leia's room where the two females would have their private "girl talk", while Anakin and the boys sat themselves at the kitchen table.

It seemed like the three of them sat there for forever in awkward silence. Anakin looked everywhere but his boys as he tried to decide the best way to begin. Minutes upon minutes of stifling silence passed and Anakin still found himself at a loss.

Luke, ever the chipper and helpful boy, thought he would help his father along a little bit.

"So...Dad, did you put your ...erm, penis in mom's uh...vagina, I think, then? That's how babies are made, right?" Not really noticing the mortified stare he was receiving from his father, Luke continued unabashed, "That's what Biggs told me anyways. He said you had to have put your penis inside of mom to make a baby and peed because that's just how - "

Though little Kaiden didn't understand what had just transpired, much less the strange words his big brother had said, he couldn't help but giggle madly as his father shot up from the table, hands thrown in the air in utter defeat, silently begging his oldest to not say another word about penises or vaginas or peeing, while all but screaming with near desperation in his voice, "I quit! I forfeit! I can't do it! Padmé! I really need your help in here!"