"Don't give me that look," Brittany said to her tortoise. Yes, her tortoise. The tortoise, Edward, continued to smirk at his owner. "I said stop it! Stop smirking! Why are you smirking? Do you think they forgot about us? Because they didn't." Brittany searched the horizon for her two friends, Laura and Laurel. All that she could see though, was dust and heat.

"I hate this effing desert. How the hell am I supposed to find them here? They better get back soon," she muttered to no one in particular. Edward nodded. "You know what? We should just go sit somewhere shady and take a break. Those two'll come eventually. Hopefully with water."

A hill of sand nearby cast a small shadow on the sand below it. It slanted upwards and then straight down, like a wall. "There. Shade. We can sit and wait for them there." Brittany walked over to the hill and sat against the flat side. She placed Edward at her side, and the two of them nodded off.

---

"I think we forgot something," Laurel said. She and Laura were riding on camels. Their bags (and Brittany's) were strapped to the large animals. They didn't seem to be going to any specific place, just riding around thinking. Or looking for something that wasn't there. Namely a mirage of an oasis that they had imagined.

"Like what?" Laura asked.

"Something small..."

"Well if it's small it's probably not important. Probably just something dumb."

"Dumb?" Laurel confirmed. Laura nodded. Laurel thought for about 30 seconds, muttering something or other to herself, "Oh hell no... We forgot Brittany!!!!"

"Oops. She's gonna be pretty angry once we find her..."

"I think we should just chill for a bit. Maybe have a drink."

"But we don't have any water left."

"Not water. Something much better." Laurel reached behind herself and grabbed Brittany's bag.

"Oh, I see. Drinks. Gotcha."

---

While all of this was happening, the real Edward, Edward Elric, and his brother Alphonse, were headed to a nearby village. According to their research, there was a swordsman living there who apparently knew a thing or two about the philosopher's stone needed to restore Ed and Al to their former, 100 human selves, so they would no longer have to live with metal limbs, and in Al's case, a metal body.

"Let me see the map again," Edward said to Al.

"I, uh... I'm not sure where I put it brother."

"Where could you have put it? It's not like you have any pockets. Did you put it in you armor?"

"Uh, no! Not at all brother so you don't even have to check!!" Alphonse waved his arms wildly and tried to avoid Ed's suspicious stares.

"Are you hiding something!?" Edward eyed Al quizzically.

"Not at all brother! I wouldn't lie to you!"

Meow.

Edward glared at Alphonse, his golden eyes practically burning a hole through Al's head. "There wouldn't happen to be a cat, in your armor. Would there Al!?"

Knowing that the cat was out of the bag (no pun intended) Al tried to defend the kitten. "But it was so cute!! And it looked so hungry and lonely brother! Please, please, pleeeeease can we keep him!?"

"We don't have any food as it is, Al. If we ever come across any, we can't be giving it to a damn cat!" Ed shouted. "Get rid of it!"

"But where is it supposed to go brother? There's nowhere for a cat in this desert!"

"Well there's nowhere for that cat with us either. Just let it go. It'll find somewhere. Now give me the map." Ed held out his hand, waiting for Al to get rid of the kitten. Al was hugging the kitten and saying goodbye. "Just drop the kitten and give me the map Al!!!"

"Here brother," Al mumbled solemnly.

"Thank you." Ed scanned the map and looked ahead of himself. In the distance was the hazy image of a village. He pointed a gloved finger at the image. "That's it. That's Siddhi."

"We sure have a long way to go. And we don't even have a little furry companion to keep us company," Al said wistfully. What he didn't notice, however, was that the little brown kitten was following him.

Edward ignored him, and was focused on a small dot in the distance. "What do you suppose that is?" A dot was usually nothing important. But it just stood out in all of this nothingness.

"Another kitten maybe? Then it won't matter that the other little kitty's gone." The kitten behind Al meowed as if to say, "But I am here you dimwit! Turn around!!"

Ed spun around immediately. Instead of looking down though, he looked up at Al. "I thought you got rid of that cat."

"I did brother! You must be hearing things." Meow.

"I sure heard that all right." He looked down. Then up again, then scowled at Al. "Why is that cat following you!?"

"Heh heh... I guess it likes me brother."

"Tell it to go away."

"But it's a cat brother! How would it understand me?"

"He likes you enough to follow you. Maybe he likes you enough to listen when you tell him to scram!"

Ed and Al bickered for a while longer, walking closer to the "dot" the whole time. Al finally was able to lose the kitten. Or so he thought.

---

"We're lost," Laurel declared.

"No we're not. We just, misplaced ourselves. You know, just like our parents would say when we lost something,'" Laura said. Then she giggled maniacally at her own joke.

"We're lost," Laurel repeated – too drunk to realize that Laura had already responded. The two traveled quietly for several minutes.

"Wait, listen," Laura whispered, still chuckling.

"Voices." The two listened to Ed's distant shouting and Al's protesting.

"Come on Laurel! Head for the voices! Giddy up donkey!" Laura's camel grunted and moved slowly. "Such a slow donkey. And what the hell is up with this hump!? I think my donkey has a tumor."

"I'm think you should get that looked at..." Laurel suggested. "Let's go."

---

After Edward had decided that the kitten wasn't following Al, the two walked in silence. Then Al spoke up.

"It's a person, I think," he said as they approached the dot.

"A little girl," added Ed.

"She's not moving."

"She could be sleeping. But we should make sure she's okay." Ed led Al towards the small girl. A red-shelled tortoise was dozing beside her. "At least she's in the shade. It's safer from the sun here."

The sound of voices and foot steps woke the tortoise. It saw the familiar strangers and softly bit Brittany's finger to wake her up. The girl spoke sleepily, "Why did you wake me up Edward? I was having the most wonderful dream. I dreamt I met Edward. The real one." Noticing the shadow being cast over her, the girl looked up.

Standing over her were the 7 ft. tall Alphonse and the much shorter Edward. Brittany pinched herself to see if she was still dreaming, like they did on TV. Nothing happened.

"Are you all right? You didn't get sick from the sun, did you?" Ed asked. He held out his right arm to help Brittany stand up. She grabbed his hand and he hoisted her to her feet. Brittany continued to hold his hand. She gave it a small squeeze.

"Metal," she whispered. "It really is you isn't it?"

He smiled. "If by you, you mean Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, then you're right," Ed said proudly.

Brittany giggled. "Yes, I know who you are. You too Al."

"How do you know us?" Al asked.

"Where I come from, you two are very famous. But how rude of me not to introduce myself. I'm Brittany. And this," she said as she scooped up the tortoise, "is Edward." Al giggled.

"Is there a reason that this turtle has the same name as me?"

"Well, my friends and I thought it would be lucky. They thought it might help us find you guys faster."

"Hold on. Why do you want to find us, and who are these friends of yours, and do I have anything in common with this turtle?"

"Tortoise."

Ed looked at Brittany impatiently.

"Weeeeellllll, my friend's are Laurel and Laura which can get kind of confusing. Anyway, Laura says she has some important information that might help you two to find the philosopher's stone. I don't know it because she says I should've done my research or something like that and then I would know. But I don't. And my tortoise hates milk and cats annoy him. And I taught him a trick!"

Brittany set Edward down on the sand. She whispered something to him, then said, "Roy Mustang." The tortoise made a clapping motion with his flippers, then wielded his right one as though it were a sword, as an imitation of Edward. "See?"

Al clapped. Ed looked at the tortoise weirdly, smiling. Then he asked, "Where are these friends of yours?"

"I honestly don't know. They claimed they saw an oasis in the distance but I think they've just gone crazy. I didn't see the oasis but they left anyway to get water. I haven't seen those two for a while now."

"Why didn't you go with them?"

"We only have two camels, and it was my turn to walk. It's not hard to keep up with them because camels are so slow. But when they saw the oasis they kicked their camels and made them run too fast for me to catch up. I figured I'd just wait until they realized their mistake and come back. There's no use wasting my energy running towards something that isn't there," she explained.

"Do you think they'll be back soon?" Al asked. "I would love to meet this Laura person; the one with the useful information."

"I don't know when they'll be back. I don't even know what time of day it is or how long I've been napping."

"Well it's past midday now. And it gets very dark and cold quickly in the desert," Edward said. Then to Al he said, "We should find Siddhi soon."

"Siddhi?" Brittany asked. Ed and Al nodded. "We live there! Well, kind of live there. My friends and I know an inn-keeper named Enrique, and he lets us keep a room in his inn in exchange for work. We tend to the bar, serve tables, and entertain the guests. I could show you guys the way there."

"Thank you very much. The map we have is pretty confusing." Just then, the little brown kitten snuck up behind Ed and hissed.

"Kitty!" Al exclaimed. Upon seeing Alphonse, the little brown kitten meowed joyfully. Her eyes then darted towards Brittany's tortoise. The tortoise scurried up to the cat and bit its tail. He started to chase the cat, biting and scratching and looking quite annoyed.

"I told you he didn't like cats."

"I think I like this turtle," Ed declared.

"Tortoise."

"Yeah." Edward glanced at the horizon, where two hazy figures were approaching.

Seconds later, Laurel and Laura came riding up to the others, shouting, "Brittany! We're back!"

"And there was no oasis!"

"So we don't still don't have any water!!!"

"Yeah. I think the oasis ran away right before we got there!!!" Laurel started to giggle drunkly.

"Holy shit!"

"Ha ha you said shat..."

"But look!! It's a giant tin can!"

The two, drunk girls were now sitting on their camels in front of Edward and Alphonse. Brittany looked up at them knowingly. "You drank my whiskey, didn't you?"

"Whu... what whiskey!?" Laura giggled.

"The whiskey in the bottle in my bag which I told you goons not to touch. Now stop making asses of yourselves. We have company."

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiight..." Laura hiccupped. "The can man and, and the midget!!"

Laurel began to sing, "Can, can you do the can man? Can you do the can man? Can you do the blah da da dad um da bleh!!!!?" She fell off her camel laughing.

Al looked at Laurel wondering what she found so funny in the phrase "do the can man". Edward glared at Laura and looked about ready to punch her lights out for calling him a midget. Brittany grabbed his arms. "Calm down. You wouldn't want to hurt your information source would you?"

"You've got to be kidding me. We're supposed to use information that that drunk gives us!? How are we supposed to trust her!?"

"Because short stuff... I know things!!! I know things about you that you don't even know about you! Like, how one day when you're like, 18, you're gonna outgrow Winry, and you're gonna go to Germany and see Hitler!! And Al's gonna get his body back, but he ain't gonna remember anything, and then you'll both end up in our world, in Germany, and you'll never see Winry again, but you'll be together and 100 human and Al will still be taller than you!" Laura fell off her camel in a fit of laughter. Laurel was still lying in the sand, giggling hysterically and hiccupping.

"That's not true, is it? That won't really happen. She's just kidding, right?" Edward asked.

"Actually, that is true." Brittany looked around uneasily and fidgeted.

"Really!? I won't be taller than Winry till I'm 18!?"

"And don't forget the parts about Germany, brother, whatever that is. And what's a Hitler?" Al asked.

"Oh, nothing important..." mumbled Brittany. "So uh... about Siddhi... Let's just get going now shall we!? Laurel, Laura. I thought you two knew better than to drive drunk. Give us the camels."

"Is... is that midget old enough to drive!? Heh heh heh..."

Brittany grabbed Edward's arms again. "Don't. Punch. Laura. No matter how many times she calls you a midget."

"Just out of curiosity," Al asked, "How old are you guys?"

"13."

"All of you?"

"Yep."

"Even you!?" Ed asked Brittany disbelievingly.

"And what's that supposed to mean!? Are you calling me short?"

"Well you are."

"You're sure one to talk!"

"Oh, so now you're calling me short!?"

"Well you are short!"

"But you're shorter!!!"

"But I'm younger and I'm a girl! So I'm allowed to be shorter than you!"

"Oh please. I know tonnes of girls taller than me."

"So you're saying you are short!"

"No I'm not. I just-"

"You're short! Admit it!"

"Well you're short too!!"

"I told you they'd make a cute couple!!" Laura blurted out. Laurel whooped loudly.

"Shut up you two," Brittany said through clenched teeth.

"What!?" Ed shouted.

"Uh... nothing! Nothing at all. They're just, being, you know, stupid. And drunk. So just, ignore them. They don't know what they're talking about..." Brittany nudged Edward towards a camel, and climbed on top of the other. "You goons are walking. And you don't mind walking, do you Al?"

"Not at all. Just as long as we get to the village before dark."

"Then let's go." Brittany's camel began walking forward. Ed's camel and Al followed. Laurel and Laura were still lying in the sand laughing. "Oh come on!" She reached into her bag, taking note of the completely empty whiskey bottle, and pulled out some rope. She used it to tie Laura and Laurel to the camel's tail, like dogs on a leash. "Come on you guys. We're heading home."