Chapter 1 'Want'

16th November 2003

The snow began to gather gently on the window ledges of The Wammy's House Orphanage. It was a rare sight to see snow in England, even in the winter, it barely appeared. Many orphans had been playing outside that morning, having snowball fights and building snowmen, it was a true sign of winter. It was now evening and the children were all either playing in the common room, or in their rooms, sleeping. But there was one boy however, who was not doing either of those things.

"I can't let Near beat me again!" Mello angrily muttered as he ambled down towards the library. He had grown bored of debating with Matt over whether Chocolate was technically a type of salad. He decided he would be able to get in some extra revision for any upcoming tests.

Mello entered the library, it appeared to be empty. Mello sighed in relief, "At least it'll be quiet in here." He walked over to the aisles, licking the chewed edge of his chocolate bar. It was then he heard a rustle on the other side of the aisle, he peeped between the gap in the shelves. It was there seated on the floor, he saw the one person that made him livid with hate every day, Near.

Near was playing with his white toy puzzle as usual, placing the pieces in perfect order, without ever making a single mistake. "Damnit!" Mello thought, he should have known Near would be in here, it was unlikely that he would have been with the other orphans, Near was completely incompatible with other people.

Despite this anger Mello held towards Near, he couldn't help but feel curious for some reason, he felt something was different from his usual daily encounters with Near. Perhaps it was the warm lighting, or that they were alone, but Mello definitely felt that something was odd, like he was being compelled to talk to him.

"Hey, Near." Mello suddenly found himself walking towards his rival.

"Oh, Good evening Mello." Near replied.

"What are you doing here, Near?" Mello asked. Though Mello was really thinking why he had even said hello.

"I could ask Mello the same question." Near's reply ticked Mello off.

"You didn't answer my question, Near."

"And Mello hasn't answered mine."

Mello bit a chunk off of his chocolate bar. It felt like he was fighting a battle with Near even now. He couldn't back down.

"I asked you first, Near."

"I came down to the library to relax in peace and quiet. Did Mello come here to relax in peace and quiet too?"

"I, er… yeah." While it was quiet, he certainly didn't feel peaceful with Near being in the same room as him.

"I see. Well, I shall not disturb Mello's peace and quiet." Near spoke in a soft voice, in what might be vaguely noticeable as happiness.

Mello looked at Near with a flustered expression. He didn't know why, but he felt oddly charmed by Near's words.

"Well… yeah! I won't disturb you either!" Mello felt the sooner he got away from Near, the sooner he might be able to calm down. 'Damnit, my heart's racing…but why? Damnit! It's all your fault, Near!'

"Wait, Mello." Near suddenly grabbed onto Mello's leg, holding him to the spot.

"Wh-What?!" Mello began to feel increasingly more uncomfortable.

"Could Mello…stay for a moment?" Near's typically cold face had a noticeable red glow, and his eyes weren't as still as they usually were.

Mello could only respond with a look of surprise. He blinked in disbelief. He had never seen Near show any kind of emotion in his life. He suddenly felt as if he was looking at a completely different person.

"Mello… could you tell me… how does it feel to want something?"

Mello kept on getting more and more dismayed. Near was asking him to learn about something?

"Um, well… It's kinda hard to explain…"

"Please Mello, sit down and tell me."

Mello sat slowly, he had never been this close to Near, ever.

"Well how do I begin…" Mello looked at his chocolate bar, thinking of how he feels when he is deprived of the sweet treat. "Well it often starts with the feeling that you're missing something, like you're not whole without it…"

"Uh-huh…" Near listened in, fascinated, curled up like a child.

"You then find yourself searching for it, no matter what the consequences…" Mello felt his face warm up.

"…And even if you try to avoid it, you always end up looking for it anyway…"

Mello then realised that everything he had been describing, was exactly how he found himself finding Near. He was nothing without Near, and he always searched Near out, no matter what, just so that he could try and beat him. And even when he tried to avoid Near, he always found himself looking for him again. Mello slowly inched away from Near, afraid of what he had just realised. 'Shit…there's no way I could love Near…that's crazy! Yet… it all makes so much sense…'

"Um, er…Near…"

"Mello?"

"W-why did you want to know about the feeling of wanting something?"

Near does not reply, he simply looks away hastily and blushes.

"Near?"

Near begins to slowly inch away from Mello, just as Mello had been doing moments ago.

"Near!" Mello found himself compelled to find out the answer from Near.

"B-because…"

"Because what?" Mello began to rise his voice.

"Because… I think I… I think I want you, Mello!" Near shouted out, he then covered his face in embarrassment.

"Wha-what?" Mello stared at Near red face in disbelief. Could Near being feeling the same way as he was?

"I find myself feeling empty when you are not around… and I always go to place I feel you will be at… and even when I try to stay away from you… you are always there…"

"N-Near…"

"Do you despise me for this?"

"N-no, Near, I… I think…" Mello pulled Near towards him, closing in.

"Me-Mello?" Near stared up at Mello, his eyes revealing his true feelings. "You… feel the same way?"

Before either of them could respond, their lips met.

Neither of them were quite sure how long they kissed for, but all Mello cared about was the warmth. Near's warmth. Which was stark in contrast to his icy appearance. He wished this moment could go on forever.

They eventually broke off their kiss, both of the boys were blushing intensely, their breathing heavy, their heart's pounding.

"Near, I think I love you." Mello admitted, not only to Near, but to himself.

Near simply smiled with a flushed face, it was enough of an answer for Mello.

Mello pulled Near closer towards him and hugged him tightly.

'I feel… happy. I can't remember the last time I was truly happy.' Mello thought. 'Perhaps this is what I've been denying myself all this time.'

Mello then felt the warmth of Near's lips plant themselves on his cheek, he blushed deeply.

"Mello, do you want more of me?" Near asked, dreamily.

"Near…" Mello suddenly felt his heart skip a beat. "We-we're not old enough to do that!"

"Does it seriously matter?" Near seemed unconcerned with the consequences.

Before Mello could respond, the library door could be heard opening.

"Shit!" Mello backed away from Near. Being caught in a position like this would be beyond humiliating.

A figure turned past the bookshelves towards Mello and Near.

"Ah, there you two are!" It was Roger, the Wammy's House's manager. "It is getting late, you two need to pack up and head to your rooms!"

"Yes Roger." Both of the boys replied.

"It might be getting to close to Christmas, but that doesn't mean you can stay up later!" Roger appeared to not even suspect what had just transpired between the two.

As Roger walked away, both Mello and Near let out huge sighs of relief, there was no telling how Roger would have reacted if he had seen what they had done.

They both walked to their rooms together, an awkward silence fell between them.

As they reached their rooms, Near broke the silence hanging between them "…I'll see you in the morning, Mello."

"Yeah, um..." Mello mumbled hesitantly, he had never felt like this before.

"What's wrong Mello?"

"I was just wondering…could I come into your room?" Mello felt as though he was asking the most stupid question in the world.

Near blushed at first, he then replied "Of course, Mello."

Near's room was very neat, contrary to how many toys he was often seen playing with, and how little he cleaned up after himself.

Near sat himself upon his bed, letting his socks, several sizes to big, fall off his petite feet. "Mello…" Near began.

Mello sat beside Near, snuggling him close.

"Mello?!" Near looked up at Mello, surprised.

Mello kissed Near on the forehead. "Near, I want to be together, with you tonight."

"You mean … sleeping together?"

"Yes."

"Mello…" Near responded with tears of happiness, he clung onto Mello, smiling at the feeling of being with the one he loved.

Mello stroked Near's head lightly, he felt the silky softness of Near hair, it was understandable why Near played with it so much.

Before long, both of them had fallen asleep, huddled closely together under a warm duvet cover.