The Resistance base on D'Qar was in disarray from the last bombing by TIE fighters. One would have thought that the destruction of Starkiller would put a stop to First Order's aggression, however it only seemed to spur them on. The chaos in the New Republic due to the loss of the capital and desperate attempts to establish a provisional government made its vast territories more vulnerable to the attacks. Resistance was the only force that could fight off the invaders.
In this hectic times, it was no wonder General Leia Organa had no time to spare, least of all for herself. The increased work in a way helped her to cope with the grief after her husband's death.
She was walking to the hangars when a wave of dizziness overcame her. She put a hand in front of her and leaned against the wall to catch her breath. Black spots fluttered in her vision like a swarm of flies.
"General, are you okay?" she heard a distorted voice. She knew it, but couldn't remember who it belonged to.
"Fine... I am fine," she said, racking her brain for the name.
"No offense, but you don't look fine, General."
"Give me a minute and I'll be fine," she countered with a biting edge.
Poe – she finally remembered his name, how she could have forgotten – stayed at her side without a word, waiting until she – what? Changed her mind? Nonsense. Leia concentrated on her breathing and felt the spots receding like a wave on the shore.
She opened her eyes and took a step away from the wall. Then a few more. She was alright.
One more step and the dizziness returned with an overwhelming force. Leia lost her balance and would have fallen if not for Poe catching her just in time.
"I'm taking you to the medical wing, General," he said firmly.
Leia sagged in his hold without argument. She allowed him to take her under the arm and lead her to the doctor's.
"You're overworking yourself. This can't be good for your health, ma'am. You really should get some rest," Poe spoke up and she felt his concern. It filled her with warmth.
"Thank you, Poe," she said softly. She was reminded of his mother, Shara. She had raised a good son. Unlike Leia...
But it was too painful to think about, so she squashed the resurfacing memory and threw it out.
They arrived at the medical wing without incident and Doctor Kalonia ushered Leia to an exam room. Poe hang back at the entrance awkwardly.
"Do you want me to wait here for you, General?" he asked.
"You can go. I'm in good hands here," she replied with a smile to reassure him that she would be alright. Doctor Kalonia closed the door, but Leia could sense through the Force that Poe stayed in the corridor. She smiled, touched by his sweetness.
The doctor scanned her with various sensors, took her blood pressure, pulse and temperature, then drew some blood and put it in for the quick analysis.
"You're probably just exhausted, General. You don't look like you slept much," Kalonia reassured her while they waited for results.
"Not a wink. I guess I'll rest when things calm down a bit."
"That could take some time. I don't recommend downplaying what your own body is telling you. If it wants you to rest, then you should rest."
Leia nodded to show she acknowledged the advice, but whether she followed it was a different matter altogether. She was not going change her ways and no dizzy spells would stop her from completing her duty, no matter what the good doctor told her.
The machine beeped and Kalonia turned to peruse the bloodwork results.
"Everything looks fine... but this..." she said in a low tone, with a tinge of disbelief colouring her words. "Is this some kind of mistake?"
"What is a mistake?" Leia asked, alarmed.
"Nothing, just your hormone levels are abnormal. If you were a younger woman, I'd congratulate you on your pregnancy, but this is just absurd. That analyzer isn't the newest model, it must have finally broke."
Leia felt like she was punched in the temple, her vision going completely dark as she struggled to take in the air. The doctor was right, this was ludicrous... but Leia had stopped using birth control years ago and the last time she had seen Han they'd managed to find time and place for one last moment of intimacy before he went on the mission to Starkiller and never came back.
With her hands shaking, Leia balled them in her lap and closed her eyes. She grasped for the Force to look inward and check this claim but she was too unbalanced to properly sink into it. Not for the first time she cursed herself for never seeking the advanced Jedi training her brother had offered.
"Repeat the test," Leia ordered, not recognizing her own voice, it was so shaken. "I want to be sure."
"Of course."
They waited in a tense silence, the doctor shooting worried glances at her patient, to which Leia didn't outwardly react. She turned into a stone statue, the brow frowning heavily and knuckles white from gripping the fabric of her pants too tightly.
The machine beeped.
"The same hormone imbalance," Doctor Kalonia uttered, checking the new results and shaking her head. "You really are expecting, General."
"I'm too old," Leia refuted. "How is this even possible?"
"It's not that uncommon. There are many cases of women your age or older having children. It doesn't happen often, but it's entirely possible from a medical standpoint. The odds were small but the chance for pregnancy still existed," the doctor explained, then gave her patient a moment to absorb the information.
Leia concentrated on her breathing as she fought off the tidal wave of trepidation and doubts that crashed into her. So many lives relied on her – the Resistance fighters, who believed in her leadership, the people in the disorganized New Republic, constantly threatened by the looming shadow of the First Order, but how she could keep up her work in this condition? Leia Organa was not in the habit to fail or to let people down.
The last time she'd had Luke, Lando, Chewie... and Han. But they all left, one after another, while she remained.
"General," Kalonia said, sounding softer and Leia looked at her. The woman emanated nervousness, but also compassion, like what she was about to say was unpleasant, so she was taking extra care to be delicate about it. "Do you want to keep the child?" Met with a startled silence, the doctor continued, "In this early stage it's still safe to terminate. If you decide this is the best for you and the Resistance, I'll prepare the procedure. You can take your time to think about it, of course."
Leia swallowed and found her voice. "And what is your advice? From a medical standpoint?"
"At your age, the risk of complications is greater. You will need to make significant changes in your lifestyle. Your rank puts you in very stressful situations everyday and that would be harmful to the child," the doctor pointed out.
Leia nodded, not taking her eyes off the woman. "Then your advice is to... terminate?"
Kalonia shook her head. "No. I'm only cautioning you, General. What you do is entirely up to you. Medically, nothing suggests that you shouldn't carry the child to term, even with the slightly heightened risk."
Leia closed her eyes and listened. She opened herself to the Force and it washed over her gently, soothing her frayed edges. It brought the light of those closest to her – the warm presence of the doctor, the strong glow of Poe still waiting in the corridor, the candle-like wisps from the patients a few walls away from this room.
And in the bottom of her stomach – a pinpoint, tiny spot of brightness.
Leia inhaled sharply, then reached out and with infinitesimal gentleness brushed against the spot. It pulsed brighter beneath her touch and at once, she could feel the essences of Han and herself mixed together, in a way so hauntingly familiar that she broke off the connection and blinked back the tears.
Oh, Ben...
She immediately cut off this train of thought.
"I'm keeping the child," Leia said.
"Are you sure? You don't have to decide right now." Kalonia raised a brow, but Leia stared back, unflinching.
"I'm sure."
She meant it.
Luke once told her there were no coincidences, only the will of the Force. It was giving her a sign in her darkest days – to keep going, despite the losing hand and the odds stacked against her.
The doctor got up and rifled through some brochures, talking about prescribed vitamins.
Leia put a hand to her lower stomach. "Never tell me the odds," she whispered to herself. It was something Han liked to say, just as much as he liked to defy those odds. And he did it again.
Leia traced circles on her stomach, thinking of Han and how ecstatic he'd been when she had told him of her first pregnancy. How he'd taken her in his arms and kissed her breathless, how the goofy grin hadn't left his face for the rest of a day, how he had proudly announced to their friends that he was going to be a father. How he'd made plans to teach their son how to fly Falcon and make repairs and how to win in sabacc.
Han would have loved this child with all his heart and soul.
"General, you're crying?" Kalonia asked and only then Leia noticed the wetness spilling down her cheeks. The doctor sat next to her and wrapped an arm around her. "Don't worry, it'll be fine. You'll be fine. Shhh. I know you can do this."
Leia nodded, burying her face in the woman's shoulder and letting the tears fall.
Her child would be born fatherless. Han would never get a chance to love his new daughter or son.
Leia promised herself that she'd love this child twice as much. For both of them.