Loving him was always like walking on a carpet, shattered glass hidden beneath the fuzziness. His hugs were always so warm, but his eyes held ice cold stares for me when everyone else had disappeared into the night. The pack had to have known as the tearful days turned into nightmares, but no one said a word- no one tried to help; I was lost among the only people I had left.
No one said a word about my broken arm or my busted lips, which I am eternally grateful for because I don't know if I could have actually told anyone myself. Johnny Walker and Jack Daniels became my best friends and I hid under the guise of writing a novel. I would lock myself in my room, afraid to fall victim to the warm arms that sometimes still held me with the love and devotion I once knew. I hated them all, vampires and wolves alike- a strong disregard for anything mythological was set in my heart. Jacob started coming home less and less, until he stopped coming home all together. I was pleased, I was heartbroken, but most of all I was finally okay. I'd heard that he'd found someone new, some girl that he couldn't live without, and I'd smiled remembering when I was that girl.
I started an online blog about heartbreak and abuse, because for many they go hand in hand. Living broken was a step down, but being independent trumped all my scars. Edward controlled me, Jacob controlled me, and then I was able to control myself. Going into town became easier as the gossip died down on me not being able to "hold a man down". I shivered at the thought, because all they'd done was hold me down. Charlie was oblivious to the pain that had become his daughter so we lost contact shortly after my marriage to Jake ended even though he lived ten minutes away. Jake could have him; he could have all of the people that turned their backs on me.
Paintings lined my walls and words covered the empty spaces in-between. It was all of me. It was all I'd needed was to be able to be myself without fear of being good enough. It took me too long to realize that it was them and not me, because I am perfection of the woman I'm supposed to be. Jacob is hiding beneath his fur and Edward is hiding with his teeth barred. I became a woman on my own in the absence of the love that was promised over and over. I became the Isabella Swan I was meant to be, or so I thought, until they came back into my life, obliterating the walls I'd put up around my heart.