Title: Through This Every Music, I Offer You My Heart
Summary: Each lovely sound produced by the black and white keys tells a story; tales of pain, struggles, joy and love. Each note speaking of heartfelt words left unsaid. A companion piece to "With This Paper, I Give You My Love".
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, just the plot of whatever you call this.
Warnings: HaruRin (coz, I honestly believe these two deserve a warning of their own), BL, OOCness (again, I tried), and the usual weirdness.
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~Through This Every Music, I Offer You My Heart~
"From now on, whenever everything becomes too much for you to handle, just sit down and let all of it out through your music."
His beautiful mother told him once, her sweet voice reminding him that he doesn't have to try so hard to let others know about his overwhelming feelings through his words and actions, telling him that it's fine to express himself silently through something he loves to do—other than swimming, of course—like playing the piano. He had thought it was such a ridiculous idea at first, communicating through his music was really funny, after all. Rin Matsuoka, as young as he was then, told himself he would never do such a thing. Wouldn't people think he was crazy or something if he used music to talk? Besides, will there be a person who would understand him if he does talk through his music?
…Probably no one.
And so he brushed it off, telling his mother that he probably wouldn't need to do such a thing, watching in confusion as his mother let out a chuckle, sounding as if she knew he would eat his words sometime in the future.
He thought it was a little bit silly of her. But he was young…naïve and innocent. He didn't know she was right.
…he honestly didn't know…
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The first time he composed his own piece happened when Nanase—after much persuasion—finally agreed to swim in a relay with him, Makoto and Nagisa. He was so happy that it didn't even take a whole quarter of an hour for him to fill up his music sheet, cringing afterwards at how messy the sheet ended up looking, filled with various musical notes and pauses and breaks, things that others may find confusing. He contemplated crumpling it and throwing it somewhere, but changed his mind after remembering that it was his feelings poured into those messy notes. And so, with a wide smile, he rushed excitedly from his own bedroom to their music room, locking the door and closing the windows to make sure no one would hear him—it'll be really embarrassing if someone finds out he was sappy enough to compose something based from his feelings.
Once everything was said, he flopped down on the chair placed in front the piano, and within seconds he began to play, eyes closed for he had already memorized every key by heart. And if someone was listening they would have heard something like no other. The music he had made was fast, loud and a tad bit playful, filling the room with a happy melody, lighting it up like the bright rays of the sun. It was the kind of sound filled with determination and excitement.
"Let's see that sight together!"
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The second time he composed something, it was after he had announced he was leaving for Australia; during the time when the image of Haruka looking at him with wide, almost accusing blue eyes was still fresh in his mind.
As he guided his fingers over the black and white keys, listening at the slow, repetitious music he had created, he felt as if he could almost hear himself talking out loud, speaking about the many thoughts swirling inside his head without pause. And unlike before, he left the door unlocked, the windows open; silently wishing for someone to just pass by or barge in—he didn't care how or who, he just wanted someone to hear—hoping that one of them would give him what he was looking for, that someone would be there to answer the question he had no strength to ask aloud.
"Please tell me, am I doing the right thing?"
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It was after he lost the race with Haruka that he touched the piano for the third time and he almost wished he didn't. He couldn't even bear to look at the music sheet in front of him, filled with melancholic notes he himself created. The paper he used was even messier than the first one he made years ago, making it obvious that the notes were made by his shaking hands. There were erasures as well; too many, that it almost look as if he was composing mistakes rather than music…or maybe he was indeed composing mistakes. If someone was there to watch him, whoever that person was would be able to easily conclude the fact that nothing was clear to him at the moment and that he honestly didn't know what to do any longer.
He wanted to just stand up and leave the music room, ignore the innocent instrument in front of him. That would be so much easier. But he couldn't. He just couldn't do it; he couldn't stop himself from playing the piano. Expressing himself through music had been an outlet of his ever since he was young and he was afraid his heart might explode if he denies himself that one thing.
And as such, he urged himself to play, forcing himself to listen to his own pathetic music—slow, hopeless and just plain unpleasant.
"I'm a failure. I'm sorry, but I quit."
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The fourth time he went near a piano—he was thankful Samezuka had a music room—he nearly lost his mind. He was already spiraling downwards by then, his heart filled with many feelings he couldn't decipher just yet, coupled with the confusion brought by the words Makoto told him after he declared to Haruka that he would never swim with him again.
He was angry, confused and desperate. That much he could tell, showing through his handwriting as he created yet another musical score, all the musical notes written as if his real goal was to make an impression on the table itself. Biting his lower lip, so hard that he nearly drew out blood, he began to play, trying so hard to keep himself from screaming at the tune produced by the piano, the tune created from his own feelings.
He was aware that the sound coming from the instrument was ugly and almost disgusting just like the emotions gnawing within his chest.
"Why is it that I can't do anything right?"
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The fifth time he added another musical piece to his collection, he knew he had gone so far in the darkness he himself created, pushed further by the confrontation he had with Rei, weighed down by the reality that he was taken off the relay—his only hope.
When his fingers touched the familiar black and white keys of the piano, the pain clawing upon his chest intensified, making him tremble as he tried not to cry. Closing his eyes, he listened to the soft melody reverberating within the four walls of the music room. The music was slow, unsure…hopeless. Each note reflecting how angry he was, how confused, how scared…how lost.
"Please save me."
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When things began to change, when all the pain from years ago began to disappear, when every invisible would began to heal, Rin thought he wouldn't have to add anymore musical score to his collection.
But to think of such a thing so confidently was a mistake.
A very big mistake…
Because when he thought that everything was fine—as what a certain someone's drawing conveys so— that person found every music sheet he had kept hidden. Haruka did.
"I want to hear you play." Haruka told him, blue eyes shining as if he was in front of the biggest pool ever created by man.
Rin wanted to say no, tell the other he didn't want to, but he couldn't. It was Haruka after all, and somehow, he always finds it hard to refuse the other teen. So despite his previous hesitation, he dragged Haruka to their music room. There, he began to play, moving his fingers deftly to play every composition he had made, from the first score to the last, watching the other male from the corner of his eyes, secretly hoping that Haru wouldn't hear the words hidden so carefully under each note, behind every pause and breaks, fervently wishing for the other to not understand and just take the music as a music—a simple melody without any meaning.
However, halfway through the last music, the one he had composed before they reconciled, Rin was startled as strong arms wrapped around him from behind, breathe hitching as the other tightened his hold upon him, making it seem as if he would disappear. Shocked as he was, his hands halted, dropping to his sides limply as tears began to form at the corner of his eyes. He knew without having to ask that Haruka understood, just like how he was able to decipher the meaning behind the other teen's artworks. Just as Haru unraveled the meaning of his music, the redhead could almost hear what the blue-eyed teen wanted to say but refused to voice out.
"I will never let you sink again."
And just like that, Rin became a crying mess, Haruka never letting go of him even after his sobs subsided.
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The next time he added another musical score to his collection, Makoto was to blame—to thank, actually—as he was the one who suggested it.
"Why don't you just compose something for him?" The green-eyed male said, smiling that warm smile of his that could put the sun to shame, suggesting that it would be the perfect gift. "He seems really fond of the music you make." And because he was aware of the fact that Makoto knew Haru best, he listened to the other male; hence the birth of the new addition to his beautiful musical masterpieces—as Rei so gladly put it.
After he was done with the composition, he decided to call Haru, sounding excited as the other told him that he'd be there in a few. When the dolphin arrived, Rin didn't waste any moment as he quickly grabbed the other's hand, happily pulling the other towards the place they both have been so familiar with. The moment they were inside the music room, Rin immediately took a seat in front of the piano.
Not long, the room was filled with the soft happy melody Rin created. From the background, Haruka couldn't help but smile fondly. Honestly, Rin's music brings out the affectionate side sleeping inside him. Listening as the beautiful melody drifted through the air, Haruka let the harmonious piece seep through him, sending him the silent words the redhead was trying to say, chuckling as he noticed how the tip of the other's ears turn as red as his hair. With a small shake of his head, he approached Rin, leaning over to place a quick kiss upon the shark's lips, whispering his answer to the message Rin was trying to tell him.
"This is kind of embarrassing but…Happy anniversary…I love you."
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The next time he created a new musical piece, there were no music sheets involved; it was just the piano and his heart. There were no notes and pauses and breaks to follow, there were just the overflowing feelings of happiness, contentment and love that were guiding his hands.
He had never played the piano without writing the musical notes first; however, Rin knew that this time, it wasn't necessary, not at all. This time, all he needed was the man sitting beside him, the memory of the promises and vows they exchanged not a few hours ago were more than enough for him to be able to create the most beautiful piece so far. A melody that tells about the struggles of two souls connected by the crimson thread, a story of two hearts tied together by love, a tale of two lovers emerging victorious to create a 'happily ever after'.
Focusing all the pleasant emotions cursing through his veins, Rin began to play, adroit fingers moving over each key with gentle expertness, creating a fast, energetic sound that represents their childhood, shifting pleasantly to a strong and powerful sound as it reflected the battles they faced, fought and won, changing then to the softest, sweetest melody to show just how much love and trust and devotion were present between the two of them.
At long last, the music finally ended with one long note that lingered for a little while before it disappeared, leaving two smiling idiots as they held each other tight with no desire of ever letting go.
Leaning forward, Rin made a move to press his lips against the other male, Haruka meeting him halfway to share a passionate kiss.
"I'll stay by your side forever and be your eternity."
~END~
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A/N: Ahh, I don't know… I still like "With this Paper…" more than this. –sighs- This is much harder to write than the other one too. But well, I'm really sorry for some inaccuracies in the terms, I don't really know much about music –looks away sheepishly- And well, this was born from a headcanon of mine about Rin being musically inclined. Plus, unlike Haru showing his art, I believe Rin would prefer that no one hears him playing the piano, I dunno, he's shy, maybe?
Sorry too for any mistakes and grammatical errors.
Anyway, I really hope you like it. Thanks for reading!
Oh, and for all of you who reviewed and added my other HaruRin stories, THANK YOU SO MUCH!