I don't own Harry Potter.

Of Flames And Fits.

As a child, I used to joke that school was hell. Now, just like hell, my school is burning.

"Should we do something?" Sonya asked, "I mean, it is the only school in Hanley."

Merlin, she's right and it's not like our parents will just let us miss a year. Not our 5th year! I pondered on what would happen, a year off? Yeah, as if our parents would let that happen! Homeschooled? Nah, we wouldn't have the room. A transfer…?

"Beauxbatons?!" Sonya's leaving me? For Beauxbatons? No! No! No! "Absolutely not! I refuse to allow you to go to that French pompous, women infected school!"

"Aww, come on Alice! It's not that bad! I mean, other than the 'pompous' part and…" Whatever she was going to say next was a mystery because she dozed off. You'd think she'd have the decency to finish her sentence or even warn me when she was going to do this, but no, Sonya takes it upon herself to sleep as much as she can and leave sentence's half finished. Honestly!

Everyone I've spoken to today is going to either Beauxbatons or Drumstrang. I'm dreading going home because I know my parents will be sat in the living room, with my brothers and their evil grins, waiting to break the news that I will also be going to that bloody French school. Great! I left Sonya to dream about, whatever she's dreaming about, and slowly walked home. Which I could see from here, Sonya's house. Whilst I walk home I think I'll tell you about Hanley; it's very small; it only has ten houses; we don't have a bookshop but we have a pub; we are on the coast of the south of England; not a single muggle (or a married one) lives here and it would take seven and a half hours (in any direction, other than the sea because that would take longer) to come into contact with other human life.

I'm stood at my front door but I really wish I wasn't! I peered through the front window and could see two figures on the couch…mam and dad…but where's dumb and dumber? Before opening the door I narrowed my eyes, I hate it when I don't know where my brothers are. I thought about the possibilities and could only conduct one reasonable answer. They were on the other side of this doorway. Waiting for me. Poor, innocent me. They're going to prank me! I withdrew my wand (Pear wood, unicorn, 11 ½ inches, surprisingly swishy) and slowly opened the door. Huh, everything seems to be slow today. I had the antler jinx ready in my mind. I swung the door open with one mighty push and without a second thought shot every jinx and hex I knew at my twin brothers.

Or I would have, if they were actually there.

"Alice? Is that you? Are you okay?" My mam called, rushing into the hallway.

"Yeah, mam, I'm fine!" I put on my most charming smile, "I love your hair! Had a haircut?" Utter rubbish of course, I hated red hair. Me and my mam have the same hair, I have my dad's icy blue eyes. Well, then again, I could have my mam's hazel eyes and my dad's brown hair. Or I could have grey hair and eyes without pupils! Heck, I can look how I like! I'm a metamorphagus! BOOM! Didn't see that one coming? What about me being a –

"Alice, honey, come into the living room. Me and your father need to speak with you." Oh no! She said father she only says father when I'm in trouble, or the twins. I'll eat my left foot before going into that room!

"Oh, shame. I think Sonya's life is in danger, I better go save her…" I turned on my heel and was about to run and 'save' Sonya's life when my mam grabbed me by my dungarees- and yes! People still wear them…In Hanley at least- "You'll never take me with my left foot undigested!" Thus I began to remove my shoes and munch on my left foot.

"Alice!" My mam dragged me into the living room. "Charles! Don't just sit there, help me!" My dad –Charles- looked confused, at what I'm not sure, was it the fact that I'm eating my foot or that my mam is dragging me. Probably the latter.

"Um, yeah, sure." My dad got up and swung my over his shoulder like a sack that Santa carries then placed me on the chair. He grinned. I narrowed my eyes. His grin widened. Then it clicked, but he wouldn't-

HE DID! My dad started to tickle me, I screamed and laughed and kicked him where the sun doesn't shine. Ha-ha! Got him there! Literally.

"Alice!" My mam yelled, furious or at least she tried to be. Soon she was laughing to. Then twiddle dee and twiddle dum showed up.

"Where have you two been?" I asked, sobering up.

"No-where for you, licey!" Donnatello grinned, or was it Raphael? They're identical, so I find it hard to tell sometimes but then I noticed the one who had spoken was the tallest. Donnie. I changed my face to that of Donnie's.

"No-where for you, licey!" I mimicked in a high-pitched voice that clearly didn't belong to him.

Once my dad had recovered from the 'immense pain' he put a serious face on. "Alice, change your face back, you're ugly enough," See the respect I get? "Donnie and Ralph sit down. Me and your mam need to speak to Alice." I sighed inwardly; I really hoped to distract them from telling me…

"Yes, yes, Charles' right. Alice, since Phantly's has been burnt down" I held my breath, "We've decided that it would be best if you went to Hogwarts."

Hogwarts.

What?

That's not Beauxbatons.

"NO! I'M NOT GOING THERE! I REFUSE! I'LL BE ALL ALONE! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO-" I began to protest, if you could call my screeching that.

"Alice this is not up for discussion. I'm sorry, I know how much you love Phantly's," Oh, he has no idea how much I love it! "But Hogwarts is the next best thing for you. You love history, don't you?"

I couldn't tell if this question was rhetorical so I answered it anyway, "Yeah…" Where's he going with this?

"Well," My mam began, "Hogwarts has a lot of that! The founders, the headmasters, the battles, not to mention the amount of famous wizards and witches who went there! Merlin attended there you know!"

They just didn't get it, I'm a Hannie, a Phant, and I belong here! Not at pigfarts!

"I'm not going to pigfarts-"(Hogwarts, the twins corrected, I scowled) "Whatever, I love where I am!"

"We'll be going to Diagon Alley to collect your things tomorrow." What are they? Deaf?

"I just said-"

"I don't care what you said; I'll be cured before you win this argument. You're going!" Right, you're probably confused by the 'cured' part, aren't you? Well, my dad's a werewolf, my twin brothers are too but I'm only half- I don't transform or get a weird craving for pickles on a full moon.

So I began a 'Alice's unbreakable vow' and stood in an oath-like position "I, Alice Keys, solemnly swear to return to Phantly's as soon as it's fixed, no matter what day or time that may be." I broke from my oath-like position and ran upstairs screaming "I knew I should have done something about that bloody fire!"

"Well, at least she agreed, sort of."

Next chapter up soon, I hope you liked it! Please R&R ~ Shona-Ann