Star Wars: Offense of the Shizz
Author's Note 1: From the creator of "Star Ocean: Cyrus' Side" and "Kingdom Hearts: Till the End of Time" comes a whole new adventure that is straight up hardcore. A young youth from the gully who goes by the name of Shado will embark on a journey to save his planet and the Star Wars universe. This will be an AU fic, but set in the Clone Wars era. With his MP3 Player ready and his vocal arsenal of slang-filled insults, he will keep the peace by keeping it real. Rated T for language, violence, crude humor, and references to menthols. Be prepared for some craziness to go down and please no flames. I'm not trying to be offensive. After reading other stories in this category, I thought it was time to write one about a boy from at least a suburb would cope in the Star Wars universe.
Author's Note 2: This story will be taken in the character's perspective. Note that he is a Star Wars fan (Think of him as the kids from the Boondocks, but from the West Coast.). This will be also be a crossover from Def Jam: Fight for NY due to the fact that he will use moves from the game. Also, he will be speaking mostly in slang. I hope he doesn't become a Mary Sue.
Author's Note 3: I do not own any Star Wars characters. The only thing I own is Shado and the non-canonical events (But then again, since George Lucas made the entire Star Wars Galaxy, I'm not sure I even own that).
Author's Note 4: Italics are thought in the story. Parentheses are the narrator's thoughts outside the scenario.
Chapter 1
They call me Shado the Shizznit, representin' the West Side. Ever since I can remember, I have kept it real in my hood on that planet Earth. But that was before. Right now, I just found myself in a room with one fine dime, know what I'm sayin'? Unfortunately, she found me on the floor right next to her bed. Before I could react… well, let's just say that this was not what I would call a welcome party.
"Oh the Force!" she yelled in both anger and frustration.
"Holy shizznit!" I shouted in fear. There was nothing but shouts and yelling from there as I tried desperately to avoid some of the crap getting thrown at me. I haven't had this much of a surprise since my cousin and I spot this cheap ho givin' it to that business chump in an alley. Then again, he was a former worker at Enron, so we shouldn't have expected any less. But that's aside the point, know what I mean? Lets roll this tape back and I'll tell you how a shizznit like me ended up in this… situation.
See, I'm a brother of fifteen years livin' in Frisco. I'm a good B-Ball player, got's some crew I roll with, and I like Star Wars. That's right, I like Star Wars and rap. I've loved the films and the comics were fine, too. I was mainly into the starting of the Clone Wars to the end of the GJP (the capin' of the Jedi, but I bet you already knew that). Anyways, I came home after school wearin' my heavy black pants, long black sweater and a black bandanna with red flames (I'm sure you now know why my homies call me Shado, huh?). I live with my mom and dad. "So, how was school?" my mom asked when I walked through the door.
"Eh, the usual," I said. And I meant it. There was nothing that really happened. The teachers there do nothin' but talk the same crap day after day. Don't get me wrong, I get A's and B's. But it's still boring no matter how you look at it.
"Well, better get to those books of yours," my dad said. "We don't want you staying here all your life and getting one of those G.E.D.s."
"I know, I know." As you can see my parents really want me to go to college. I want to go there myself. Not because of the education, but because I want to do something else. Everyday it's the same thing, go to school, learn useless crap, wander around my turf and all of that. I mean, I got some skills from an old friend of my dad's, but I never use them. The only way I keep myself from slippin' is by workin' out at the gym. Of course there are some narks that be frontin' me, thinkin' they pimp 'n shit. But they're all bitching and not much of a fight.
As I was sayin', I went to my room and started studyin'. The math homework was whack, man. I got a B- in the class. I'm sure it's just luckiness on my part, but I ain't complainin'. After a few hours of homework horror, I turned on my T.V. Soon as I did, there was the face of the king of punks, President Bushwacker. He was now talking about how the "terrorists" were doin' this and how he was doin' that. I got bored after a few minutes and changed the channel. Sadly, he was on that station too, and the one after that, and the next one, and so on. "Man, screw this punk!" I replied in frustration. "The man can't even say the word 'Milwaukee' without gigglin' like a little six grader." (Well, I'm sure it's true.) I changed the channel to my game station. It was six o'clock when I turned on my PS2 and played Star Wars Battlefront II. Kick ass game, if I say so myself.
Now I know what you all are thinkin' 'stop talkin' about that and tell us how you got in that girl's room!' Fine, I was gettin' to that, 'ight? So after playing the game for a couple of hours (as General Grievous and Yoda in different levels, thank you very much!) I went to bed with my MP3 Player on different songs and themes. Suddenly, in the middle of the night, my T.V. turned on. The light hit my face and I couldn't help but to open my eyes. I pulled off my earphones and was ready to reach for my remote, until I heard someone calling for help. I turned to the screen and saw the image of a person. At the same time, there was the sound of explosions and gunfire. I couldn't tell who it was or what they were saying thanks to the interference. Suddenly, the light got brighter and I was somehow knocked out.
When I woke up, I found myself in a different room with the clothes I had just worn. I couldn't believe it. "How did I get here?" I thought to myself. But before I could say anything else, I heard a small groan. I turned my attention to the bed and saw a young woman with short black hair and tanned skin. She had a line of spots dotted across her face. I was in shock when I saw her. "That can't be…" I said to myself quietly and turned around so that my back was facing to her. "Th-That's… Barriss Offee… a Jedi Knight…" I said as I was sitting by the bed.
"What the…" a female voice said. I was praying to god at that point that I was hallucinating. No, that this whole thing was a friggin' dream. I turned my head slowly, carefully. As I feared, the Mirialan was sitting up and starring directly at me.
"This is not my night…" I thought to myself. We both saw eachother for the first time. Her deep blue eyes met my green. It was as if we had a connection or something. NOT! The only connection that we had was that I was screwed straight! And that's how we got to that scene before! Now, let's fast forward as we all knew what happened after that point and go, oh… about three minutes after the 'introduction'. "Good lord, girl!" I yelped. "Watch where you throw that thing!"
"Help!" Barriss shouted. "There's a pervert in my room!"
"It's gonna be like L.A. all over again! I've seen enough episodes of COPS to know not to stick around!" I shouted before I got to the door. "I'm outta here!" With that, I busted out the room and ran like I was being chaced by some po-pos who was clappin' irons at me! I found myself running through the halls which almost looked like tunnels. However, I ran into a few people in robes. The only thing that was on my mind was to get the hell out before somethin' else happened. I knew there were a few people following me. Luckily, I left that building.
However, there was one thing the I learned not to do again. I learned to look ahead as I ran. Before I knew it, I was loosing my balance. I looked forward and saw myself close to becoming a puddle on the ground below. I gave another cry for help as I lost my footing and was hanging off the edge of the platform. "Someone, help!" I shouted. "I'm too young to go to gangsta lean!"
"Hang on, we'll be right there!" a man's voice said.
"That's cool, man! Just make it quick!"
With a few other people that I saw while I dangled, one of them knelt down and lowered his hand. "Grab my hand," he said.
"Thanks, playa," I replied. I was pulled up from the edge and was back on the smooth surface. I breathed heavily as I was trying to relax. "Yo homie, I owe you one."
"Think nothing of it," he said. "Just doing my job."
I looked up at him and was once again shocked. The man was green skinned with tails on the top of his head. His eyes were red and almost insect like. "K-Kit Fisto?" I replied in disbelief. I blinked once, and then I blinked. I was about to yell some more and start going into a panic, but I was too tired and fell to my back. The last thing I remember saying before I passed out was "I need… menthols…" (I'm looking back on this and thinking to myself 'it's just another day as Shado'.)
Author's Note 5: I'm sorry if you don't get some of the story. This is the first time I wrote in first person perspective, so it's kinda new to me. Anyway, if you don't understand some of the slang being mentioned, you could either go to Wikipedia and RapDictionary or Urban Dictionary. If this first chapter was good, I might consider submitting another. And once again, I hope I didn't mean to offend anyone.