Getting to the War in the North
Authors Tangent: Hi. I was dead for a while but I came back to life...
Anyway, I decided to do a semi-parody, semi-serious Lord of the Rings fanfiction about the War in the North. There will be OC's and probably no cannon characters as I don't think they would fit in a parody fanfic and I doubt I could write them well enough anyway.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the original characters in the story. Everything else is Tolkien's shtick.
...
The gloom of midnight hung over the town of Rivendale like black drapes. Atop an isolated platform two figures met.
"I fear for the northern borders Elrond" Gandalf whispered, "Sauron will no doubt be amassing an army from the North to run us down while we deal with the forces of Mordor. Leagues of Orcs will descend upon hapless towns and villages; slaughtering men, women and children alike. We could expect no aid from them should the time come when need it."
Elrond stood at the edge of the platform, looking over his home.
"I understand your concerns Gandalf. I too have thought of this and I may have found a solution" he replied, "I have understood that our forces cannot be spared for the defence of the north. That is why I have been searching for some time now. Searching for a group of warriors capable enough to distract the armies of the north for as long as we need them to."
"Warriors, How many?" Gandalf Inquired.
"Assuming all of the chosen accept the task... four."
Gandalf merely stared at the Elf like one would a drunken Dwarf.
"Four!? You would send but four to contend with the north!?" Gandalf exclaimed.
"The fellowship consists of only nine." Elrond replied.
"We are not being sent upon an army!" Gandalf retorted, his anger showing.
"No. Your task is much more vital; and dangerous." Stated Elrond.
Gandalf stared at him for a few moments longer, still angered but not willing to release his anger upon the Elf.
"Do you realise that you expect them to be prepared to die?" Gandalf said, quietly, "If they accept this mission they will not likely return. The North is crawling with Orcs and they are not even the worst of the dangers they would face in that land. The fellowship will remain mostly unseen, but they are to divert the attention of the entirety of Saurons' forces in the North? How do you expect them to do it?"
"I have already a plan. With their small number they will sneak into one of the largest Orc strongholds of the Orocarni Mountains. They will proceed to put my plan into motion by taking some of our greatest treasures and placing them in the hands of the Orcs." Elrond explained.
"What could you possibly have them do by taking ancient treasure and handing them to the Orcs?" Gandalf asked suspiciously, already guessing Elrond's answer. The Elf turned to Gandalf with a serious expression upon his face.
"They are going to lure a Dragon."
...
A human man sat at a table within the walls of Rivendale; the first of the four summoned to arrive four he meeting with the Elvish lord Elrond. His hair hung to his shoulder with a chestnut brown colouration. His hazel eyes stared suspiciously at the fruit platter in front of him. His host peered at him curiously.
"Will you not be eating master Devis?" Elrond asked the hunter.
"It's Teryn. Teryn Devis. And no, I will not be eating your magical Elf food as I would prefer to keep my testicles." He replied rudely, "I only eat man food. Meat, fish, chicken. The occasional apple. Not your poncy elvish crap."
Elrond stared at the man for a few moments before forcing a smile and replying, "I will see what I can do, Teryn."
Before Elrond could leave, the next member of the party loudly arrived.
"Right then, where's the grub?" A young dwarf stomped into the room. His hair braided and red along with his beard, he was dressed as a proper dwarfish miner.
"Master Dalin Orebeard, I assume. It is a pleasure to meet you. Food is on the table." Elrond smiled.
"That's what I'm looking to hear!" The dwarf yelled merrily as he jumped onto one of the seats and stared at the fruit platter, "what's this crap, then?"
"I will have someone bring in the meat." Elrond said quickly before leaving to find a cook. Dalin looked over to Teryn and held out his hand.
"Dalin Orebeard, of the clan Orebeard. Proud Dwarves of the Kingdom of Erobor."
"Teryn Devis. I spear animals for a living and barely make ends meet." He replied, returning the handshake. Dalin looked at the man a little strangely before replying.
"Yes, um. Well met, then!"
The hall stayed silent aside from the occasional awkward tapping of Dalins' fingers on the table. Mercifully, Elrond had returned at that moment bringing wonderful news for the two present.
"I spoke with my cook and some beef will be on its way soon" He smiled.
"About time" Teryn murmured.
"Much appreciated Elfy!" laughed Dalin.
Before Elrond could complain about his new unwanted title, footsteps were heard entering the hall. Elrond smiled at the arrival while Dalins' eyes bulged. Teryn seemed surprised for a bit before losing interest and going back to glaring at the fruit. The new arrival had a light green tinged skin with clashing orange irises. Her hair was black and style into a ponytail reaching just below her shoulders. Her ears were slightly orcish and along with that she had inhumanly pointed teeth.
"It's a bloody she-orc!" Dalin exclaimed, slamming his palms onto the table and standing up to get to his axe at the entrance.
"It's a hairy little alcohol sponge. Shut your grog hole, dwarf. I'm a half-orc. Marynin Relinis." She replied snappily. Dalin, taken back by her retort, sat down at the table staring at her. Marynin sat at the table and stared at the fruit.
"What the fuck is-", "The meat is on its way" Elrond interrupted her as she gave her opinion on the fruit.
"I'm sorry for my outburst ma'am. I didn't mean to cause you any offence." Dalin offered.
"Thanks, but I don't particularly care what you do or say. I'm just praying that this is important or my sisters ears will be melting by the time I'm done with her." She replied lazily.
"Is your sister also... um-", "She's human. What's it matter? The point is; she convinced me to come and I am going to introduce her to some of the foulest words that exist if this turns out to be a waste of time." She growled, interrupting Dalin as they all went back to staring at the fruit.
"It will not be a waste of time, I assure you." The three gathered party members turned their attention away from the fruit to an Elf standing at the doorway next to Elrond.
"This is Alarwas. He is a member of the guard here in Rivendale. He will be accompanying you on your journey." Elrond stated. The black haired elfs brown eyes gazed upon his company.
"It will be an honour to journey with you, friends. I am skilled with both the sword and bow and will act as your primary defence along with Marynin on our quest." Alarwas explained. The three stared at the elf before Teryn raised his hand.
"Uh, yes?" Alarwas asked, confused.
"Where's the meat?"
...
"So that is the situation" Elrond looked at the groups faces and spotting a variety of new grimaces he has not seen of a face before. He knew that he was pushing his luck with what he expected from them but hoped that they would be able to see the direness of the situation.
"Bless my beard..." Dalin whispered as he finished listening to the plan, "That is quite the imagination you have there Elfy."
"It explains why you would need a miner and a hunter to be in the company rather than just warriors" Marynin murmured while trying to decide on what to do.
"Do I get paid?" Teryn asked. Elrond looked at the human before sighing.
"Yes, we will see to it that you are properly compensated for this once you return."
"I urge you to all accept. Without you Teryn, we will quickly run out of food in those desolate mountains without a skilled hunter such as yourself. Marynin, I cannot protect the others on my own and we will surely fall to the beasts that await us without your assistance. And Dalin, without you knowledge of the ancient Dwarven tunnel and caves, we will not be able to navigate the safest passage way through the treacherous mine we must pass through to reach the stronghold. This quest cannot succeed without any of you. And please consider what is at stake." Alarwas pleaded with the group.
The occupants of the room all spent a good ten minutes thinking and discussing the situation with one another before standing and turning to Elrond and Alarwas and stating with determination.
"Very well, Elfy. We accept."
"You have your company."
"I'm getting paid up front."
Both Dalin and Marynin turned and glared at Teryn who looked back at them and scowled.
"You people and your stupid morals. Fine, I accept this quest as well. You can pay me half up front."
...
...
Author's notes: Well, that was my first chapter. I hope you all enjoy it and offer constructive criticism. By the way, if it seems a little rushed that because it's currently 11:00 pm and I'm very tired.
Thanks for reading, please review.