"Cat! Cat!" Lister hadn't been so irritated since the Cat took his best t-shirt to use as a duster. He'd insisted he thought it was an old rag, and that it had come up a treat with some stain remover.
"Cat! Where the smeg is he?" he muttered to himself angrily, as he strode around the cargo decks. Rounding a corner he came upon a none-too-strange sight. The Cat was staring with love at his reflection in his pocket mirror. Immobile and oblivious to all around him, he was helpless. Lister charged toward him and kicked the mirror from his grasp.
"Thanks man" the Cat exclaimed breathlessly. "Phew, I was getting worried I'd never be able to move again, and that would be a shame for my fans who love to see me glide gracefully, slide…"
"Never mind that now. Where the smeg is my chocolate spread?" said Lister, breathing heavily.
"Huh?" the Cat said blankly. "Chocolate spread? Man, I would never touch something you'd like to eat! Go ask square head." The Cat retrieved his mirror from along the corridor and returned to staring lovingly at his perfect reflection.
"Cats" exclaimed Lister exasperatedly, as he left to find Kryten.
"Dum dee doo" Kryten hummed as he buffed the gleaming glass jar that once contained chocolate spread to a fine finish. As Lister entered the room he held it up to the light. "What do you think Mr. Lister sir? Doesn't it look just fabulous?"
"Kryten? What was in that jar if you don't mind me asking?" Lister said trying to control his temper.
"Why, a horrible brown sticky substance sir, not unlike your favourite chocolate spread." replied Kryten, bewildered.
"Kryten, that was my favourite chocolate spread, you plastic goit!" shouted Lister, flecks of spit flying.
"Oh no sir, not this sir," said Kryten, a smile appearing on his twisted face, "This was tinged darker, it was also runnier and smelled most displeasing."
"That was the beer I added for extra flavour. I was looking forward to eating that!" Lister cried. "I was gonna have that with a nice vindaloo for dinner!"
"Well I'm terribly sorry sir, but can't you just go and order some more chocolate spread and add more beer to it?" asked Kryten.
"No, that's the point, you have to let it ferment and mould. That'd been preparing for weeks," wailed Lister.
"What's going on here may I ask gentlemen?" Rimmer's self-congratulating tone came from the doorway.
"He just cleaned out my favourite chocolate spread with extra beer!" Lister announced, the anguish showing clearly in his face.
"Oh no Listy, your favourite? Oh that's just too bad" Rimmer smirked.
"Don't push me Rimmer, I was looking forward to eating that!" Lister warned.
"It's just as well Holly's spent the last few days making another useless invention, apparently with one sample, it can restore anything to it's state at a point in time you choose." Before Lister could say anything Rimmer continued "Basically Listy, with just a little of this chocolate spread, we can program it to recreate itself before Kryten killed off whatever you were breeding in that jar."
"Rock 'n' roll" Lister yelled, ecstatic.
"Krytie my good droid, do you have any of Listy's spread left?"
"Why yes Mr. Rimmer sir, as a matter of fact I was just on my way to get the plunger, it's blocking up the sink."
"Excellent, collect a sample and I'll meet you in the science room in ten minutes. Listy," He said turning to Lister, "Go find that idiotic cat and I'll see you in ten." With that he strolled out. Kryten and Lister exchanged apprehensive glances and made ready to follow him.
Review please, I'm dying to know if I can write anything that isn't LOTR, not that I've written much of that either but………
REQUIANA