Disclaimer: Tony and Ziva are mine, all mine. Okay, okay, I'm lying. They're not mine, nor is NCIS.
Author's Note: I told myself that I would not write a fanfiction of them having a great talk after "Double Blind" because there are already a million stories of it. However, I just couldn't get it out of my head. I wrote this pretty quickly, and it's not the best. However, I kind of like it. Do you?
No Longer Alone
"I think it's time we all went home and got some sleep. There's nothing more that we can do tonight. Parson's supervisor is coming in at 0900 tomorrow, and we'll know more about what to expect after that meeting." Tony said, rubbing his eyes. It had been one hell of a day. He had been so worried about Parson's agenda, yet he never foresaw it having anything to do with Gibbs. Now Tony was in charge once more.
McGee is the first one to leave, but Ziva did not move from her desk. She had been trying to catch Tony's eye all night, but he had been cold. He hadn't been ignoring her or even saying anything rude to her, no, it had all been quite professional. Too professional. She watched as Tony stood up and headed for the restroom. She hesitated for a second but decided to follow. At least she could lock him in with her until he talked to her.
He sensed her right away, but decided not to say anything. He thought he had made it pretty clear that the ball was in her court. He washed and dried his hands, finally turning around and crossing his arms across his chest. He stared at her, waiting for her to say something, anything, but she stood silent. He could see in her eyes that she wanted to say something, but she just couldn't seem to make the sounds. He started for the door.
Ziva reached out and grabbed his arm, causing him to stop in his tracks. He stared at her once again, as she visibly gulped for air, trying to calm herself down. Ziva was trying hard to find the words. She felt guilty, but she didn't know exactly why. She knew she had hurt him, but if she admitted that she was sorry, would that be admitting that there was more to them than just being partners and friends? Was she really ready to go down that road?
Tony sighed. She still hadn't spoken and he was tired. He just wanted to go home. "Goodnight Agent David," he says as he reaches for the handle. She cringes when he addresses her so formally, but finally speaks. "Wait… Tony, wait."
With another slight sigh, Tony turns once more. "What?" he asks, exasperated. "I'm tired. It's been a long day, and as much fun as it is sometimes, I don't feel like having a whole conversation with you using just our eyes," he says, with the sarcasm dripping out of his mouth alongside the words.
"I'm trying to say something." She says. "I just don't know how."
"I already know what you're going to say. I should just get over it, right? It's none of my business, right? Well, fine, I'm over it." He says, irritated beyond belief now.
"That is not what I was going to say," Ziva says, her irritation levels picking up some now. She instantly tries to soften her voice. This is supposed to be an apology. "I feel bad that I obviously hurt your feelings. I feel…" she pauses, thinking her next word out a bit, "guilty," she finishes.
"Good," Tony says, not caring for once that he's officially crossed over the boundary of pretending like they're nothing but partners. "Now good night."
Ziva grabs his arm once more. "Tony, stop walking away. I'm trying to say I'm sorry."
His eyes snap up to meet hers at that. He was not expecting an apology. He had been expecting to be told off, or to be fed some bullshit line. He never thought she would apologize.
"I am not sorry for sleeping with Adam. I don't believe that I should be. You have no right to be mad at me for that."
"Then what are you sorry about?" Tony asks.
"Many things." She says softly. "I am sorry that I turned to Adam and not to you. I am sorry that I felt alone, even though you had told me that I wasn't."
She swallows loudly, afraid to go on, but she knew that there was no backing down now. "My family is dead, Tony."
"I know," he says, his voice softer than it had been the last time he spoke.
"No, you do not know!" Ziva exclaims loudly. My mother, my father, my sister, and my brother. They are all gone, Tony. I do not have any other family. Did you know that? My parents were both only children. I am the last of my bloodline to be alive. My father might not have been a decent man, but he was all that I had left of where I came from. They are all gone, and I am here still, alone."
She says that word again, but this time it does not make Tony mad.
Ziva continues. "Adam came to my father's funeral. He came over afterwards. I just needed to know in that moment that I was not alone. I was looking for comfort."
"You could have called me." Tony says, finally getting to what was really bothering him.
Ziva bites her bottom lip before continuing. "I know, but at that moment, I did not want to talk. I am not good at talking about my feelings, Tony. You know this. So, instead, I turned to someone for a physical outlet. And a phone call would not have done that for me, Tony." She says, finally meeting his eyes.
"But it would have allowed you to talk to me, to not feel so alone," he says, still not satisfied with her words.
"But I did not want to talk. I did not want to put that onto someone's shoulders, especially not yours."
Ziva instantly regretted the words. That obviously did not make him feel any better.
"That's right," he said, angrily. "I forgot that I'm just a child, and obviously I'm incapable of being there for you in any shape or form. I've been your partner for 8 years now, but still I get picked over for everything. You need help tracking someone down, you ask McGee and keep me in the dark. You decide to sell your mini, and you don't want a child to drive a car, so you sell it to someone else. You feel alone, so you turn to an old friend that barely knows you anymore. I must be quite childish because I thought that we were getting closer the past few months. I thought maybe you were finally seeing that I care about you in a different way than just a partner would."
His eyes grow wide at the end of his sentence, and Ziva gasps slightly. They've been dancing around their feelings for so long, but neither of them had ever said it so bluntly. It is the moment of truth, Ziva thought. It has been laid out on the table on a silver platter.
Tony turns around and heads back to the sink. He faces away from Ziva and slaps the countertop softly. He cannot believe that he just let that slip like that. All of it was true, and he would do anything for her. But there were rules… especially when it came to dating co-workers, and Tony knew that he shouldn't have crossed that line because now that rule and/or his heart was in clear jeopardy of being broken.
"You are so naïve," Ziva says, softly, knowing he was going to take those words wrong, but needing to say them anyway. He turned around, shook his head, and started walking out of the bathroom. She grabbed him once more. "You are naïve because you just do not understand. I keep you out of the loop to protect you. I have never wanted to drag you into my problems because I never could live with myself if you got hurt just because you were trying to help me out. I do not turn to you because I know that you care about me, and it scares me." She admits.
"I scare you?" Tony asks incredulously.
"No," Ziva says instantly. "Your feelings," she pauses, her heart skipping a beat, "our feelings, scare me. If we act on our feelings, it can tear our team apart and the team is the only family I have left now. Not to mention, it could tear you apart. I am not an easy person to love."
Those words, though they did not sound happy, made Tony smile. She had said, "our feelings". He knew that she had just crossed that line with him, and he wasn't about to let her go running the other way.
"That's where you're wrong Ziva. You are an incredibly easy person to love." He says, staring boldly into her eyes. "And our team will be your family, no matter what happens. It has been through worse things."
Ziva nodded. Her heart, although full of joy at his words, still ached. She had no clue what this meant for anyone, and she was still petrified.
"Now what?" she asks in a voice full of fear that it nearly broke Tony's heart. He put his hand gently on her cheek. "Now, we go home and get some sleep. Clear our heads."
Ziva nodded. As Tony started heading towards the door for the last time, Ziva knew that she could not stand to be alone after all of that. "Tony," she calls after him. He turns. "I don't want to be alone tonight. I can't be." She bites her lip as she watches him nervously.
Tony smiled. "Then don't be," he says, reaching out for her hand. Her lips curl into a small smile as she grabs his outstretched hand.
Things were about to change. That was a fact. Ziva did not know if things were about to get better or worse, but with her hand in his, she wasn't as afraid anymore. Nor was she alone.