Hello, people! Herr Wozzeck here with the ever-so-awaited Paranoia! I can't wait to get started, so let's get going already!
I really should disclaim, so here you go;
Super Smash Brothers does not belong to me; it belongs to the guys at Nintendo and Hal Laboratory.
Now, I'm off to listen to the world's longest symphony non-stop for the rest of the night.
Thou knowest the rest. Here's the prologue, and enjoy!
I shivered a little as the bailiff shouted at all of us to stand; the jury was walking back in.
I've been in this courtroom for hours, and they've done stuff to see if I have a long prison term or not. It all ended just now when I admitted to getting Samus to lie under the oath. Oh, dear she got pissed when I called her a bitch in front of a room full of news reporters and fellow competitors.
Oh well. So much for my wonderful defense.
Believe it or not, I am a criminal; I've killed three people in one night, chopped the arm of one of them off, and sent another one into a coma. All this, to kill the man that's in a coma.
Man, it's sad what crack will do to you. I can't believe I even met the guy who sold me the goddesses-forsaken stuff. All of a sudden, I can't believe I was having those delusions that my popularity was waning; now it actually is waning, and it's all my fault.
The rest of the courtroom sat as well, and I looked at the judge as he turned to the juror who would pronounce the verdict.
"Has the jury reached a verdict?" asked the judge as everybody sat back down.
"We have, your honor," said the young man the judge addressed.
Okay. This is it. The moment of truth. I know I'm going to be found guilty, but for some reason I'm still riled up about the chance that I might not actually have to die because of what I did.
"The jury finds Link… guilty… of three counts of first degree murder against Ms. Cornelia Hand and two members of the Super Smash Brothers. He has also been found guilty of one count of possession and use of cocaine and one count of lying under oath."
Hmph. So be it. No matter what, I'm going to get terrible punishment now.
"Link," said the judge, turning to the hero. "For being found guilty, your sentence is death, by the electric chair."
Great. Fucking capital punishment just had to exist for the pleasure of my use. I mean, okay, send me to jail for life, I'll be fine. But death?
No. Just no. It's not fair.
He brought the gavel down on the piece of wood that lay on the stand.
"Court adjourned!"
The people filed out almost militaristically as I was fitted back into the cuffs that those security people would always use to ferry people to and from the courtroom and the prison.
Why the hell do they even bother? It's not like I'm going to try to escape here! I mean, okay, I know what I did was wrong, so don't fucking pound that fact on me!
I didn't dare to look up while I was being taken to the police car that would ferry me to the federal prison from here. I was shamed by my own actions, and I'm not about to look at anybody in my shame.
Back when I faked everything, I felt that I could do anything. Fuck, I thought I could get away with this. But goddamn it, I had to get in the way of everything.
And I thought Ganondorf was an asshole. Man, talk about me needing a reality check.
Eventually, we walked out of the door, and a million lights flashed at me. People came in asking questions, and I got overwhelmed.
Fuck the tabloids. Can't they see I just shamed myself and that I'm in no mood to answer questions?
If there's one thing I do have to give credit to these police people for, it's that they're damn good at keeping as little attention on me as possible. They may be putting me in hell later, but right now I don't want the attention the tabloids are giving me.
Thank the lord they got me out of that crowd and into the car rather quickly.
However, the shame rushed into me again when the driver started the car. I felt all of the self-hatred coming back and all of the questions coming back to my mind.
I wasn't in a mood to dwell on the questions, so to answer them I swore quietly to myself as the car drove me away to my final bedroom.