"Why are you leaving?"
Kaoru's mouth falls open before he smiles, turning to face the older boy fully. Tamaki thinks he sees an angel for a second before wiping the thought from his mind.
"I don't belong."
Something close to disbelief graces the blonde's features. This was an answer he hadn't expected. He stumbled over his words as he asks what Kaoru means. Kaoru's smile widens, and sad gold meets confused blue.
"I mean what I say, I don't belong. Not any more."
Tamaki shakes his head. "You do! You belong! Who's filled your head with the silly idea that you don't?"
"I've filled my head with this silly idea," Kaoru hisses. Tamaki's eyes widen.
"Kaoru…"
The mentioned boy looks away, gaze cast downward, and now he's frowning. He opens his mouth to say something but closes it again. He inhales a shaky breath and looks at Tamaki with tears in his eyes and steps towards the elder who willingly embraces him.
Tamaki doesn't know how he feels at this moment in time, but he holds on tighter. Kaoru grabs a hold of his blazer.
"Whenever…whenever I'm around you guys, I look and you're all are so happy together. I feel so…left out, so different. It's like being on the outside of some big inside joke and I just don't get it. When…when did things change like this?"
"I…I don't know."
Kaoru suddenly chuckles and steps away, shaking his head. "I'm so stupid."
"No you're not."
Kaoru smiles warmly at him. "I'm still leaving you know."
Tamaki's jaw drops and Kaoru laughs. Tamaki realizes that it's been so long since he's seen Kaoru laugh like that.
"Bye, Tono."
Kaoru swoops in for one more hug, and Tamaki just stands there, dumbstruck, before watching the younger boy walk away. Tamaki, when he regains function and the ability to form coherent thoughts, curses himself for not saying a good-bye in return.
-
The first night Tamaki hears anything from Kaoru; he wakes from having a dream of their last conversation. His cell phone is ringing and his mind is foggy and confused (because who would be calling at 4 in the morning?) and he answers without looking at the caller id.
"Hi, Tono," is the first thing he hears and the first person who he thinks of is Hikaru, because now Hikaru is the only one around calling him that, but the voice is too soft and gentle and he realizes who it is.
"K-K-Kaoru?"
He hears Kaoru chuckle on the other line before the younger boy says "Bingo."
Tamaki smiles, ignoring the fact that it's been almost 4 months and no one has received word-one from their redheaded friend in The States.
"Kaoru…"
"We've been over that," Kaoru laughs, "I'm Kaoru."
"Sorry," Tamaki blushes.
"Don't be."
"How…how are you doing?"
"Good, you?"
"Okay…It's different without you around but…"
"You've gotten used to it, right?"
Tamaki suddenly feels guilty and doesn't answer, because Kaoru is right.
"Don't worry, I'm not upset."
"Yes you are."
"Heh, guess you know me too well, eh, Tono?"
"No, I don't."
"Well then, when I get back, why don't you get to know me better?"
"I will."
"Good."
He can almost see the smile on Kaoru's face, if he imagines hard enough. He wonders if Kaoru looks different now, but doesn't ask. Nor does he ask how the States are. Instead, he answers questions.
Tamaki feels weird, almost numb, after he hangs up the phone and all he wants to do is sleep but he can't because Kaoru's haunting him.
-
A little while after the 4 a.m. phone call, and Tamaki finds himself waking up at 4 each morning, he decides to call Kaoru. The next day, Tamaki still can't sleep past 4 and he makes the phone calls routine and daily.
They mostly talk about nonsense, but the weird feelings Tamaki had since the first call is growing and he's a little scared and annoyed and confused. So, he asks one day if the others are getting calls from Kaoru and they say no and he finds it strange. Mostly because he's been talking to Kaoru every day for the past two weeks and none of the others have.
So one night he asks Kaoru why he isn't talking to them.
"Because, you're the only one who I have left. It took me a while to realize that, of course, but…you're the only one I can still feel right around."
Tamaki suddenly has a strange feeling of pride and a little possessiveness. Kaoru's his and no one else's.
-
The one time Tamaki calls and Kaoru doesn't answer, he panics. But Kaoru calls him back 5 minutes later and everything's okay.
-
Tamaki's giddy, too giddy, because Kaoru's coming back for Christmas (after much begging on his part) and he's going to get to see the boy after so long. This is his one chance (before Kaoru comes back for good) to talk to the boy face to face and he's a little anxious and jumpy and hopes he doesn't fumble his words.
When Kaoru does finally arrive, he's smiling awkwardly as everyone welcomes him home and hugs him and Tamaki gawks at the difference. Hair straight and falling into his eyes, he's wearing jeans and a t-shirt with a thin jacket and surely this isn't Kaoru.
But it is, and Kaoru gives him (and only him) a warm look and a promise that they'll talk later. For now, they put up with the others, until Kaoru is no longer the person in the spotlight and Tamaki's finished making a fool of himself.
They sneak into another room unnoticed, Kaoru giggling because he's a little tipsy off the champaign, his cheeks a delicate pink, and his eyes slightly glazed. Tamaki can't help but think Kaoru looks pretty and soon enough, conversation turns to kissing.
Tamaki's not sure how it happened exactly, but their lips met and Kaoru moaned and they lost control. They end up panting and naked and they laugh together over what they've just done.
"Well, I never expected for this to happen, but I do have to say, that was one hell of a Christmas present."
Tamaki blushes and kisses Kaoru so he doesn't have to make a fool of himself (more so than he already has) and forgets to feel awkward for the very gay things that just went on in this random bedroom.
They get dressed and return to their friends who question them on where they've been and Tamaki blushes again while Kaoru just smiles and skillfully avoids answering.
Over the course of the few more days that Kaoru is there, they manage to sneak kisses and have sex in different guest rooms and Tamaki realizes he's addicted.
-
It's hard when Kaoru returns to the States, but he'll be back eventually. Their phone conversations consist of sweet loving words, how much they miss each other, and sometimes even naughty things (masturbation over the phone is their make-shift sex of choice because they can still revel in the sounds the other makes and still feel the same release, which is still not as good as the real thing but close enough).
Tamaki still can't help but feel like a lost puppy, or some junkie who is without his drug of choice.
-
The day has finally come and Tamaki's needy and excited and ohmygodhe'sgonnaseeKaoru! Tamaki's managed to talk Hikaru into letting him pick up his lover and when he finally sees him, his heart bursts with joy and he can see Kaoru's has done the same and then they're embracing and kissing and they don't care who sees.
He takes Kaoru back to his house and once they're in his room, Tamaki's breaking away long enough to call Hikaru to complain about Kaoru's flight being delayed (because they want their time alone, goddamn it!) and he finds it extremely difficult when Kaoru's down on his knees doing amazing things with his mouth and Tamaki has to stifle a groan.
But he gets through the conversation, and he's all over Kaoru and once they're finished and happy, they smile and curl up into each other.
"I love you, Tamaki."
"I love you too, Kaoru."