A/N: okay so this is basically a result of the doom bunnies in my head going crazy and attacking the characters in my head . . . I don't own, these characters belong to the amazing CP Coulter . . . I only play with them . . . Enjoy!
Logan slowly walked up to the front of the room, his eyes trying to avoid looking at the ornate box set up at the front. But as he reached the front, he glanced down into the casket, staring at the familiar face of his best friend who had been around for years. And now . . . now, he would never . . . Just the train of thought made his eyes water. He clenched his eyes shut, willing himself to not feel. Maybe the medicine would help this time. Reaching into the pocket of his suit, Logan pulled out a picture of him and Jules, taken sometime freshman year, before the actor started running off to movie shoots and the like. But he wasn't going to think about him running away, he just wanted to have him back with him.
There was the sound of a shuffle beside him but Logan's eyes didn't move from the face in the casket. "He talked about you guys sometimes, you know?" The comment made Logan glance up to find himself face to face with one of Jules' costars. The taller blonde held a hand out with a soft smile. "Clark." Logan took the hand, shaking it. "Logan." Clark nodded with a sad smile. "I know." The two just stood in silence for a few minutes, both staring down at their friend. The sound of footsteps from behind them caused Clark to glance back, but Logan's eyes stayed fixed on the face below him. Not even Derek's hand on his shoulder could seem to break Logan from the trance. "C'mon, Lo, they're wanting to start." The blonde shook his head slightly. "Not yet. Give me five more minutes." Derek sighed. "You've been standing here for almost an hour, Lo. Come on and sit down." Derek had to use most of his strength, but he finally got Logan pulled away into a seat.
Logan tuned out the speeches about how great of a person and friend Jules was, how he meant so much to everyone, blah blah blah. All he could think about was how he was one of the few people to really know Jules, the good and the bad. And then his thoughts returned to the scene that had been haunting his dreams ever since it had happened. And the last thing he had heard from Jules. It shouldn't have ended like this. Jules was a good guy. He hadn't deserved . . . Before he realized what he was doing, Logan stood and walked back up to the front, glancing down into the casket again before turning back to face the crowd.
"You people talk about how much you knew and loved Jules, but you're glorifying him. Sometimes he was a self-absorbed primadonna. He was a snob sometimes. He had his faults. Hell, before that night I probably would have gladly listed them off for the world to hear. But that night . . ." Logan's voice caught in his throat as he stepped to the side, glancing down into the casket again, eyes watering. "That night, Jules saved my life. Literally. He pushed me out of the way of the knife that should have been for me. He picked a fight with me to save me." Logan stared down into the casket, not caring that the tears were now trickling down his cheeks. "I held him as he died. I heard his last words. I . . ." Logan bit back a small sob, shaking his head slightly. "You people may talk about how you knew and loved Jules, but you didn't come close."
There was a murmur of dissent, and Logan just turned back to the casket, leaning over, whispering softly. "It should have been me, Jules . . . but I . . ." He leaned closer still, his lips pressing gently against the still ones, wishing that a kiss could bring Jules back. But he had already tried that. It hadn't worked then, it wouldn't work now . . . Nothing was bring Jules back. And that was just not something he wanted to think about. There was a soft clearing of a throat and he glanced over to see Clark standing there with a slightly pitying smile. Logan nodded to the other blonde before tugging at his own tie, wiping a hand across his face as he walked back to his seat.
As he sat back down, ignoring the looks from everyone around him, his mind phased out and went back to that night. The ballroom had been crowded, more so than even the Winter Fest. All the students were here with their families, and the professors, a packed house. The room was starting to get stuffy and Logan headed for the doors, wanting to get some fresh air. But just before hitting them, he was stopped by someone stepping in his path. "What do you want, Jules?" the actor's face turned up in the familiar snobbish smirk. "Nothing from you, Lo. But after that performance I would be surprised if you guys survive the night. And to think, people still ask why I never joined your silly little choir." Logan frowned, shaking his head. "Well, if it was such a horrible performance, why did I notice you watching rather intently? Instead of talking to that other Hollywood friend of yours?" The actor merely shrugged. "It was like a horrible train wreck, you want to look away, but can't stop staring." Logan scoffed. "Unlikely, Jules. Besides, why are you even here tonight? Your parents never actually show up for these things, and you've already more than made your opinion about the Warblers perfectly clear. So why are you here, Jules?"
Looking back on the moment, Logan could see the small flash of terror in Julian's eyes at something from behind Logan, but that night it had meant nothing. Julian shrugged again, a normal response in his Hollywood repertoire. "Who knows? Maybe I just come to watch how ridiculously mundane your pride singing really is. Maybe I just decided it would be amusing to actually grace you lesser people with my presence. Why do you care why I'm here? You've made your self-absorbed lack of caring known to everyone. I really don't know why I still put up with you, Lo! Why I put up with any of this."
Julian's words stung. Logan had no misconceptions about his personality, he knew he was lucky to have friends like Derek and Julian, but now apparently Jules felt different. Instead of showing the hurt, Logan glared back at the actor. "If you hate it all so much, just leave then! Go off to one of your fucking movies and don't come back!" Logan's temper ignored the hesitation from the actor, not noticing the slight fall of his expression.
"Fine! Maybe I will!" Julian's face was a calm mask before there was a flicker of his eyes and a sudden scream from somewhere to the side of them, "NO!" Before Logan could turn to find uot what the disturbance had been, Julian shoved him backwards. The new Hanover kid had rushed over and then Julian made a sort of strangled noise before Logan's eyes turned back tot he actor to find him clutching the side of his chest, the Hanover kid looking horrified before getting pulled back by Derek. "Jules?" The actor's eyes turned back to Logan's and moved his hand back, covered in blood before losing his footing and falling over onto Logan. His arms instinctively caught Julian before he could completely fall. Logan gently moved to the floor, everything running in slow motion, pulling his best friend closer, trying to push Julian's suit coat away to find the source of all the blood. But Julian coughed, a sick and unnatural sounding one before grabbing Logan's hand that was looking for the wound. "Lo-" Logan shook his head, trying not to accept how weak the actor's normally stong voice had gotten. "Just shut up for once, Jules." A sputtering sound like Julian had tried to laugh and Logan's frown deepened. "Never." Logan turned his frown to look Julian in the eyes, determined to get the stubborn primadonna to listen to him for once. "Jules-" He was interrupted by another sick cough, a small stream of blood trickling from Julian's mouth, causing Logan's eyes to widen. "Lo . . ." He tried to ignore how bad it seemed to be, turning to look him back in the eye. "Lo, I . . ."
Julian's voice trailed off and his head tilted over to the side. Logan's heart stopped and he tried to shake Julian to make him open his eyes again. "Damnit, Jules! What is it? You can't leave me like that! WAKE UP!" A soft hand on his shoulder made Logan jump before spinning to see Derek kneeling down beside him. "Shh, Lo. He's . . ." Logan glared at Derek, shaking his head. "No! He can't! Jules is just acting! He . . ." Derek shook his head and Logan turned back to look down at Julian, not realizing the tears that were streaming down his cheeks. "He was in love with you, Lo . . ." Derek's soft words caused Logan to turn back to him, a mixture of grief, shock, and confusion on his face. "What?" It was barely a whisper, Logan not sure he really wanted to hear the answer. But Derek just nodded. "Since freshman year." Logan turned back to stare down at Julian. Julian was in love with him? He slowly leaned over, lightly pressing his lips to Julian's, willing the actor to wake up, to say it had all been a big prank, a sort of joke against Logan. But nothing . . .
Logan gently brushed the hair away from Julian's face, staring down at him, tears still streaming down his face. He didn't pay attention to the blood that had started to soak through his own uniform jacket and shirt. A hand on his shoulder made him jump and look up to find Derek still kneeling down beside him. "Lo, the police and paramedics are here. They're wanting to talk to you, and they'll have to check you out, you're kinda covered in blood." Logan glanced back at himself for a moment and saw the blood and wanted to gag. It was all Julian's. His blood that never should have been spilt. He turned back to glance up at Derek, the lost expression still on his face.
"Who did it?" Derek just shook his head with a slightly guilting look. "I don't think I should say. Not right now. You should calm down, Lo." Logan glared ta Derek, wanting to throw him against the wall, but not moving from holding Julian's body. "WHO FUCKING KILLED JULES?" Logan watched as Derek was obviously debating with himself over telling him. "The new Hanover kid. Chaz and Justin have him right now. Unless the cops have gotten him." Logan didn't pay attention to the rest of what Derek said, hie was too busy scanning the room before his eyes locked on the boy in question, where he was squirming nervously in the floor between the other two prefects. When the other boy noticed Logan's glare fixed on him, a small whine escaped from him and he tried to jump and run, but was pushed by to the floor by the Windsor prefect. In that moment, Logan's respect for the Windsor grew.
Logan turned back to stare down at Julian's face, trying to memorize it. He looked so at peace it was almost like he was just asleep. But Logan knew that no matter how much he might wish, Julian wasn't going to be back. He was dead. He had loved him, and now it was too late. Logan leaned over, pressing his face into Julian's hair, whispering softly. "I'm sorry, Jules. I didn't mean any of it." He pulled back, still staring down at Julian, not paying any attention to the cops who were swarming into the ballroom.
"Mr. Wright?" Logan blinked and found himself back in the present. "Logan?" He turned to find himself facing the man who had led the service and Julian's blonde costar standing in front of him. The pastor merely gave him a sad look before asking if he was okay, receiving only a small nod in return. Logan stared down at his hands clasped in his lap for a moment before turning to look back up at the other blonde. "What?" The actor just shook his head before holding out a hand. "Wanna grab some coffee? J was addicted to the stuff. So I figured . . ." Clark's voice trailed off and Logan frowned slightly before taking the blonde's hand with a small nod. "Yeah, okay."