Hello everybody! Long time no…see? I'm proud to announce that I have finally gotten back to work. I get lazy sometimes…don't look at me like that! Anyways I've realized recently that I haven't written a real love story yet. So here is my own depressing little love story. I actually really like this one for reasons unknown. The title was taken from the song I listened to as I wrote this: "All around me" by Flyleaf.
Hope you like it! Let me know what you think!
All around me.
by the Silly Frog
Year 1:
The first time I set my eyes on Bellatrix Black, I nearly scoffed. She was nothing like what I had pictured her. There was nothing grandiose about her. None of that beauty I had pictured in my mind. She was just: Bellatrix – Bella; scrawny, bushy haired, little Bellatrix Black.
"You look disappointed. She's not a legend. Get over it."
"Yes but her family is! People always talk about the Blacks, more than they talk about us! Why should someone like her deserve such a high reputation?"
"I wouldn't be so quick to judge her. She might think the same of you."
But as the year passed, my thoughts on her changed little. She remained short, frumpy and annoying. Bellatrix was quick tempered. She liked to speak out of turn and push me under her foot. She never took no for an answer – even when she asked me to go hunting for a unicorn with her. She had ridiculous ideas of how the world would be and how her name would be known throughout England.
Bellatrix Black was not what I had hoped her to be. She was just Bella.
2nd year
When Bellatrix appeared on Platform 9¾ that year, I noticed that she had grown a little – just a little. She wasn't tall yet. So what if she was nearly on par with me? My growth spurt hadn't come yet, that's all. All the other boys in Slytherin were short too. Bellatrix was just odd that way.
She still looked thin, her clothes hung loosely on her scrawny shoulders and her hair was just as bad as ever. Merlin knows how she was ever able to brush that mane of knots.
But now I was used to her and her desperate need for attention. Now, when she asked me to sneak around the school after hours, I was not so hesitant to accept. I knew that, with Bella, I was in good hands.
"When are to you going to stop letting her push you around?"
"Nobody pushes me around! Especially not her."
"Well it sure seems that way. You should find some more friends. It just doesn't do for you to be spending all your time with her. Don't you have any other friends?"
"I- of course I do! I…I just don't…see them as much."
"You're pathetic."
The year went by and it was mostly just the two of us. I had other friends. Purebloods were allies through blood. But it just wasn't the same sitting with Lucius doing nothing but homework or acting like a prat with Rosier and the rest. I suppose I settled for Bellatrix just because she was desperate for my company and I was willing to give it to the daughter of the House of Black.
Still, Bellatrix Black remained what she had been in our first year. She wasn't anything special. She was just a witch growing at an infuriating speed who I liked to let think was in charge of me.
But in the end, she was not who I wanted her to be.
3rd year
When Bellatrix Black strolled into my compartment, dragging a miniature version of herself by the scruff of her neck, I was overcome by the sudden realization of how much she had grown these past years. Standing next to this tiny girl who was painfully obviously a first year, Bellatrix looked older…scarier. I almost felt pity for the girl placed in her care.
She was still taller than I – just by an inch, mind you. But that wasn't the point. The point was that she was growing at an alarming rate and I suddenly did not feel very great and powerful myself anymore. I don't know why, but as she let go of her sister (as I was soon officially introduced to) and grinned down at me, I couldn't help but sit a little straighter and push out my chest a little.
"She's crazy, that girl! I don't even know why I put up with her!"
"Neither do I…"
"I always knew she was a little psychotic but… making me dress up in a girl's uniform and drink Polyjuice potion simply because she needed to prove that she had girl friends… that's just taking it too far."
"I still can't believe you were going to do it if I hadn't stopped you."
"Like I'd do anything she tells me!"
As the year progressed, our little party of two grew to four. Evan Rosier and Lucius Malfoy were pulled along in that whirlwind that was Bellatrix Black. It happened gradually, almost unnoticed by all those concerned. But now, instead of Rosier going off to try and fit in with the older Slytherins during meals, he sat down with us. During classes, Lucius would stroll towards our table and sit down, pushing his unnaturally pale hair over his shoulders and commenting on a past test.
I can't say I was all that pleased with these new additions to our group. Somehow, with them there, our team didn't quite feel the same. But when Rosier was acting obnoxious or when Lucius was being arrogant prick, Bella looked at me and rolled her eyes.
Bella always had this way of making it feel like it was still just the two of us. She was what kept us allied through the hard times.
4th year
I don't think the Bellatrix I've known came to Hogwarts that year. This girl who threatened me with a hex when I failed to keep her a seat in the train compartment didn't look like little Bella.
I couldn't really pin point exactly what it was that had changed. But there was definitely something different. She had stopped growing, thank you very much, but her body seemed somehow different. She held herself straighter and with more assurance. Her knees weren't so bony anymore and there was an odd new softness to her legs that I had never noticed. Her face was aglow with new colors. Her hair had settled down. It actually looked like she had put some effort into her hair. Pins pulled the ebony hair out of her eyes and allowed the oddly luscious curls to fall down her back. Her eyes had always been like dark stars shinning across a moonlit surface. Now…they were just that much more amazing. They laughed and danced as they ran over my surprised face. And then that beautiful look melted into confusion. "Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked. She didn't understand and neither did I.
I watched attentively, almost obsessively, but I could not find what had changed. Neither could I see the answer in the eyes of others. Nobody noticed the change the way I had. The girls commented on how pretty her new haircut looked and Rosier made a few obnoxious comments about her breasts. For the longest time I almost thought I was going insane. How was it that I was the only one who felt the change?
"I really don't know what you're talking about. She looks the same as ever. She's just getting older. Mrs. Black is probably putting more effort into her appearance now that her debut into pureblooded society is drawing near."
"Well of course I know that! But that's not what I mean. You sure you can't see it?"
"I see nothing remarkably different in her…"
I knew with a fierce certainty that this girl was not Bellatrix Black. But…I found myself inexplicably drawn to her the same way I had been to little Bella.
5th year
When I met Bellatrix at the beginning of our fifth year, I noted through a very odd sensation in my stomach that there was something definitely different about her. It wasn't just her hair or the way her eyes burned a brilliant onyx-color. It was in her entire being. Her body screamed for attention. When she sat down at the Slytherin table and gently crossed her legs, there was something undeniably elegant and alluring about her figure. Her love of manipulation and lies was tainted with a new seductive poison. I was oddly reminded of a black widow, slowing stretching her long elegant arms and slowly suffocating a helpless fly in her web.
Even the way she brushed past me felt different.
When she walked down the hallway, I couldn't help but notice the looks people (mostly boys) were giving her. Sometimes I found myself staring at her too, wondering what it was that had changed in her. I still couldn't place it and it was driving me insane. I couldn't help but feel that our relationship had changed.
And then it happened; the moment when I truly understood how I felt about Bellatrix Black. I walked into the Common Room, long after hours and exhausted from prefect duties. I noticed two dark figures glowing green against the dimly-lit stone walls. There, in the shadows, I saw Bellatrix; her cheeks pink from the heat and her ebony hair glistened beautifully in the light. I saw the way she smiled knowingly, the way she captivated him with her toxic gaze. She kissed him and at that precise moment, as I stood in the doorway, I understood that the burning sensation in my stomach was hate.
"You've had another fight? Really? Another one?"
"So what if we did?"
"That's the third one this week, Rabastan."
"I just can't stand being around her. Maybe it's time I find myself some new friends. "
"I don't know…father is so pleased you befriended her. Try being nice to her."
Bellatrix Black was no longer that disappointing girl I had met in my first year and I hated her for it…but I was still her puppet.
6th year
I did not see my friend during my 6th school year. She was gone, replaced by some sly vixen that played with men like a dark wizard played with Inferi. She played with me too, sometimes to the point where I was numb with pain. She never cared. She'd simply laugh and cast me another one of her knowing looks before turning her attention to another eager boy.
Yet somehow, even though I was convinced that I hated her, I kept sitting with her, talking with her, fighting with her. I kept coming back to her even though she wasn't scrawny, bushy-haired, annoying Bella anymore. She was something darker, beautiful.
She was Bellatrix Black and I hated her for it.
She was Bellatrix Black and I was completely lost to her venomous charm.
"Merlin! I'm in love with her!"
"It's about time you noticed-"
"I just can't stop thinking about her!"
"A little late if you ask me…"
"I'm thinking about asking her to the Annual Winter Ball-"
"Asking her?-"
"tomorrow after the Quiditch game-"
"You're going to ask her?"
"We'll both be debuting so it'll be perfect!"
"I don't know if that's a good idea…"
"What's wrong? Don't you think she'll say yes?"
"I'm not sure. A lot of boys like her."
I knew I was under her spell well enough, but the truth of how far I had fallen only occurred to me at Annual Winter Ball. It was as I stood there, being fawned over by girls and their mothers that I saw the girl…the woman I had been desperately searching for.
Bellatrix Black appeared in a dark aura of beauty that could not be matched by even the most beautiful witches present. She stood out magnificently and people were drawn to her like stars and meteors to a black hole. I too, found myself moving towards her, anxious to have her look at me. But instead of being greeted by my best friend, I was met with a sight that I would not soon forget.
He was there, offering his hand which she took most willingly. He slipped an arm around her waist and glided her across the room, wrapping his web around her. He had taken her for his own.
For the first time, I understood what it felt like to be the loser, the fool. To be lied to in such a way, by both of them. He had betrayed me. She had forgotten me .I was sick with hate yet I could not keep my eyes of them.
I was lost to the perfection of the scene. We all were.
They were just perfect…
She was perfect.
She had become the Bellatrix Black I had always wanted her to be. And little Bella was but one of her victims.
7th year
Bellatrix Black had morphed once again and I no longer knew who she was. She wasn't that black widow wrapping her web around unsuspecting men. Although magnificent in every way, she was no longer in control.
He was. He had her in his web, comfortably and naively awaiting a slow suffocating death she would experience. How could she allow herself to be captured in such a way? I did not know. Perhaps she wished to fulfill the predictions her family had been making since her birth. Perhaps she wanted to be every bit the pureblooded witch her name demanded of her.
There was nothing I could do to protect her. I confronted him but he shook me off. I confronted her but she laughed and called me jealous.
I was jealous. But it wasn't only jealousy that kept me watching out for her. It was loyalty. Loyalty to that girl she had once been; that innocent, insecure girl that had needed a friend as much as I. She was still there, trapped in that web.
But I could not save her. He was always there; ready to enchant her with practiced words and charming smiles.
"Get over it. You've lost. I won."
"This isn't a game! You know you don't love her!"
"You poor innocent soul…when has relationships ever been about love? I had given you plenty of time to get her for yourself but you would not move. I simply did what you did not have the courage to do."
"If you have any respect for me…for our family, you would give her up."
"On the contrary, little brother, I have taken her because I of my respect for our family."
As the school year came to an end, their relationship did not. Things would remain the same forever and I was helpless to change things. All I could do was sit with her, eat with her, talk with her…love her. Because I knew, although we weren't the same duo we once were, although we could barely be called best friends, I was still hers.
Because although Bellatrix Black was the woman I had dreamt of all my life, it was little Bella whom I was in love with. She knew it too. Perhaps she saw in me a Rabastan that had not been so afraid of loving her. Perhaps she knew…
But it was too late…
I had lost Bellatrix Black…but Bella was mine forever.