Author's Note: Hi guys, well it's been a while, hasn't it? I'll be honest; university has been a little hectic and I'm lucky to find time to write at all. I really miss SWAC and I can't say I'm a huge fan of the concept they've got in mind for season 3 - I know it's unfair to the other actors but it won't be the same without Demi. So I thought I would write this to remind us of the good old Channy relationship we know and miss :).
Dear Sonny,
A part of me feels really stupid writing to you. I'll be perfectly honest; I've sat staring at a blank computer screen for several days wondering exactly what to say to you. I think of all these great things to say, but then when I write them they sound so stupid. I haven't told Chad about this letter. I haven't told anyone about this letter. I know what you're thinking; you're thinking that I could easily just talk to you when you come over and visit next month. To be honest, I feel kinda stupid writing this, but if I don't then I'm going to regret it. I don't think I can stand idly by and watch this happen anymore. I thought I could, but recently things have changed.
It's not easy saying this and a part of me just wants to erase the email right this minute, but I can't do it. I can't just pretend it's not happening anymore.
Sonny, I don't think you should come over here next week.
There, I said it. I should probably explain myself, because I know you've probably bought the plane tickets and you've told all your friends you're coming over. Chad told me you were very excited to be telling your friends that you were visiting Manhattan for the week. It's hard for me to tell you why Sonny, because you're going to think I'm horrible and I suppose you have every right to think that. I've argued with myself for weeks regarding this; from the moment you told Chad that you were coming over to visit him I've been fighting the urge to become submissive like I do every time I see you, but I can't do it anymore. I can't stand between the two of you and just accept the secrets I know you're keeping.
Chad loves you. I know that if I told you that in person you'd shake your head and deny it. I bet you're sitting there right now feeling pangs of guilt and shock. I've known for a long time. I don't think there's ever been a time I haven't known; there have only been times when I've tried to ignore it. I think he wants to ignore it too, but when he sees you he can't forget it. I'm his girlfriend; I should be the only one he loves.
Chad told me that the two of you are old friends, but I know there's more to it than that. I've spent the last couple of years building on the story he told me. Every time he mentions your name or sees your face in person or even on a computer screen I know there's more to the story than that. I don't doubt that you were friends who grew up together, but I don't think your feelings are that of old friends.
You love him too. That's probably what I've been ignoring most; the fact that you reciprocate the feelings. I used to think that the situation wasn't so bleak because you didn't feel the same way, but I can't pretend any longer and neither can you. I'll bet you're shaking you're head and maybe you're crying, but there's no point because as I've said; it's not like this is a big surprise to me.
The thing is; the two of you have realised your feelings when it's too late.
I love Chad too Sonny. I don't think I've ever loved anyone as much as I love Chad. Have you ever heard the song At Last? If not then you should look up the lyrics, because they define exactly how I feel now that Chad has come into my life. I feel like fate has brought us together; it seems unlikely that he came all the way from California to New York for absolutely no reason at all. You know I wasn't even going to apply for NYU because I was so set on attending one of the ivy leagues, so I feel like Chad and I meeting wasn't merely coincidence. When I look at him sleeping next to me I smile and I thank God. He's probably my first love; I thought I was in love in high school, but I've never felt it as intensely as this. He's smart, funny, good looking and everything I didn't know I was looking for.
The thing is; Chad thinks of you in the way I think of him, I know he does. When we're talking I feel your presence there all the time. He always smiles when he says your name, he always laughs heartily when he's telling me something the two of you did together and when he tells me you're coming over he smiles in the way that only you can make him. I know that he thinks you're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. When you're here it's like the only thing he can see is you. It's like you're the only thing that matters to him.
That's how I want to make him feel. It probably sounds so shallow to you, but I want him to love me the same way he loves you. I don't want him to pretend he loves me as much as you when you're not here. You had your chance Sonny, but the two of you blew it. You had years to make things work, but you didn't. He didn't tell me, but I know. I know that you were friends and slowly those feelings evolved into something more and on the night both your shows ended you slept together. Maybe things didn't go further than that one summer because you both knew he was leaving for New York, or maybe you didn't want to jeopardise your friendship. I don't know, but what I do know is that just because you keep telling yourselves that your feelings have disappeared doesn't mean they actually have.
I suppose this letter is actually a plea. Trust me, this is the last thing I want to do, but I don't see what other choice I have. You don't understand it, but you're beautiful Sonny. You're probably shaking your head, but with your glossy hair, those big brown eyes and that smile I can't compete. He doesn't see me the same way he sees you. You can't deny it; because when you walk in the room you see the way he looks at you. I know that if you asked he would leave me in an instant. Recently I've found myself lying in bed thinking about that a lot. Sometimes it keeps me up late and I look over at him and shudder. I don't know what I would do Sonny. It's pathetic, but I love him. I know he's the one for me.
So you can't come over Sonny. I know you probably hate me and you can easily defy me, but I just ask that you consider it. Please don't take Chad just because you can.
Yours,
Madison
Author's Note: Well, what did you guys think? Please please please review and such. Thank you :) 3