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Keith always thought that being left behind was the worst, but now he was the one leaving, and he couldn't help but hate himself for it.
Keith had always thought that being left behind by others was the worst.
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"Keith! Dude, you alright?"
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It all stems from his mother, really.
The mother he never met, never knew. The mother who left him and his father, walked into the sunset of the desert and never turned back, long before he could even remember her, before he knew anything about her. His father would always try and justify the reasons why she left, making it sound as if he even knew why she had been here in the first place, always saying that none of them had a choice, she had to leave or else. That it was all for the better that she left, even if she didn't want to go.
The only thing that showed that she was once there was the knife.
The weird, alien knife that the social workers always seemed to look over as he was traded from home to home, that lead him all over the universe looking for answers that he can't get.
Thus, a seed was planted.
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"Keith, we saw Black crash. Are you okay?"
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It all stems from his mother, really, but it didn't take long to branch out.
He was 9 when his father left.
He was scared when his father walks into the shack and just collapses one summer day, after being out in the desert since sunrise looking at some of the weird caves that called out to him a mile away. He was confused when he didn't wake up after shaking him, questioning if he was okay, asking for dinner, demanding that he get up already. He was upset when it one, two, three days without having a proper meal and his dad was being too lazy to get up and make it for him, laying on the floor, sleeping the days away.
He was angry when someone comes to the house and takes him away from his father, still lying where he collapsed, though to this day, this fucking day, he isn't sure if he's angry at the social worker, his father, or himself.
There was a funeral, a small one. Not that Keith remembers much of it, except for the single red flower that looks as it had been grown on a tree.
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"Keith? Please respond!"
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It all stems from his mother, really, but it didn't take long to branch out, and grow lots of green buds.
People come and go quite quickly after his father's death right up until he joins the Galaxy Garrison.
He's moved from home to home, for various reasons. Sometimes it's because he's too quiet, not talking, not looking at the foster parents, barely eating what they give him, barely responding to what's being said to him. For these parents, their pity can only drive them so far before they give up on him, handing him back to the system.
Sometimes it's because he's too loud, because he argues back, arguing with the foster parents, not doing the things that they tell him to do (because it's stupid and he can't grasp his head around why he has to do it and they refuse to tell him), talking back when he apparently shouldn't. For these parents, their anger breaks them, and he is thrown back into the system head first. His stay with these parents didn't last very long.
Sometimes, it isn't the parents who's at fault, but the kids, be it in the school, in the area, in the home. There's only so much he can take before he follows his instant and lashes out at them, though, not always with ill intentions, but by the time he's twelve he's long stopped trying to explain to them that he was trying to play with the kids, not hurt them.
He builds a wall in front of the tree, stopping anyone from seeing the both of them.
The system doesn't care, he was much too old and broken for them to fix, and were all too happy to see him leave at 16, when he found a random leaflet advertising the Galaxy Garrison on a pin board in one of the care homes, and were quick to forget about him, leaving him all by himself in a new state with no support.
Not that he would have it any other way.
One by one the buds had grown and blossomed during his time in the foster system, and the tree that stood in the way of others approaching grew.
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"Keith… Buddy?"
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It all stems from his mother, really, but it didn't take long to branch out, and grow lots of green buds, as well as a poisonous red apple on the tip of the tallest branch.
He meets Shiro as part of some weird program that the Garrison put him in due to his 'background', to make sure he doesn't drop out or something, as everyone, including himself, finds that he's got a niche for piloting, it seems.
Of course, by this point, he doesn't let anybody in, at least, not at first, much to the elder's irritation.
The first time they meet, Keith spends the entire time silent and staring straight into Shiro's eyes, daring him to make answer the stupid questions that the Garrison put together for them to 'break the ice' and to 'get to know each other'. Shiro, however, seemed to expect this. The fifth time they meet up, it's not planned through the mentoring sessions, but rather Shiro showing Keith the stars from the roof of the Garrison, pointing out the different constellations and wondering how many more they could make once they were out there, travelling with them. The seventh time they were in the sims, working through a particular program with the intention of beating the record. The twelfth time, they completely given up on the 'mentoring meetings' and just hang out and while the Garrison are a bit of a sucker for keeping to the rules, they let it slide because they've got better things to do, like hiding the purple aliens in space from the rest of the world.
The wall made during childhood seems to crumble away to Shiro, and the tree almost starts to wilt to him, and Keith almost thinks the Kerberos will be fine.
Shiro said it will be fine.
He said he was coming back.
He promised he wouldn't leave Keith alone again.
Instead of coming back, a red apple grows in his place, and the stone wall hide it from the view of the rest.
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"Keith, you better answer your comms you dick!"
Keith laughed lightly at Lance's words, only to start coughing, a wet and bubbly cough, and he could feel the blood, tasting rich in iron and copper, leaking from the corner of his mouth and down his chin to join the puddle slowly growling on his lap.
He loved this boy from the very roots of that blasted tree.
(It only took dying for him to realise this.)
(It's too late.)
He came along and promptly smashed the wall down with a sledge hammer, loud and demanding that he be loved by Keith. He fought against it at first, of course he did. He's already been abandoned by so many people, even if they didn't mean to. But Lance, he clung onto the idea of them being rivals so much after they first became Paladins so hard that it was hard for them to even become friends.
It took several 'Bonding Moments' for Lance to drop the stupid rivalry .
It took Lance having a sexual identity crisis and Keith to pulling down his own wall before the both of them admitted that there was anything there.
It took losing Shiro, finding his clone, dealing with that, a suicide mission from the Blade and then almost losing Lance to a weird Galra prince before they acted upon those feelings.
Both Pidge and Hunk were annoyed that it took them that long, and Coran was surprised that they were only in a relationship now, and not at the start of their Paladin career.
It's only now, sitting in a wretched cockpit of the Black Lion with a piece of metal thrusted into his midsection, that Keith could see where they all was coming from.
From the moment that Lance took down his wall, he had scaled his tree and reached the top in record time, picked the poisonous red apple from the tip of the tallest branch, and had taken a bite with no hesitation.
Of course he did, this was Lance; he doesn't wait for anyone, least of all Keith.
And Keith couldn't help but be glad it was Lance.
Clutching his side as if it was going to stop the blood flow, he coughed again, wincing at how pathetic it sounded and how painful he was, and how he suddenly couldn't take in a lungful of air, leaving him gasping for nothing. The blood looked weird against the black armour, when they all accepted that Shiro wouldn't be coming back, and it only reminded him of Lance, wearing what was his own armour.
Lance was going to kill him for leaving, just as he wanted to kill all those who left him when he needed them.
"Hey Lance," his head became a little fuzzy as he coughed again, this time bringing up more blood, and damn was he going to look a sight when they saw him. "I'm sorry."
"Keith.. what are you-"
"I'm sorry that I took so long to respond, I'm sorry that I haven't taken you on any dates, or gotten you any gifts-" He's rambling, he knows he's rambling but he can't help it. He can't help the blood from leaving his stomach, he can't help the tears leaving his eyes, and not because of the pain.
Why did he let Lance eat that fucking apple?
Because…
Because Keith always thought that being left behind was the worst, but now he was the one leaving, and he couldn't help but hate himself for it.