Title: Losing Control
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst/Romance
Rating: eh... Teen I guess?
Disclaimer: Characters, etc not mine.
Spoilers: "Conversion" storyline
Pairing: ShWeir all the way! Woot Woot!
Summary: Sheppard's emotions are out of sync and something's not right. Based on"Conversion" preview/ ShWeir
Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard lay in the infirmary, not quite certain what the hell was wrong. He'd just been sparring with Teyla and suddenly…
No, that's not true. He hadn't been feeling right for a while now. Two weeks, if he had to guess.
Rodney, Beckett, Teyla, Elizabeth, and Ronan were standing on the other side of the room, arguing in hushed voices and what they considered discreet gestures.
And John hated it. In fact, he hated being sick in general. But more than normal…in fact there was this… this rage bubbling inside of him. Like earlier…Earlier he'd come so close to snapping Teyla's neck that it'd ultimately landed him here; he was slowly losing control.
He saw Elizabeth walking over to him and looked down, almost in shame.
"Dr. Beckett's running all the tests he can to find out what's going on with you," she said, crossing her arms.
He nodded and attempted to swallow the lump in his throat. Apparently another effect of… whatever this was, was terrible mood swings. The fury inside him had melted to an ocean of self-pity and resignation.
"John, " Elizabeth started softly. "I know something is wrong. You're not acting like yourself."
He looked up into her face and caught a flicker of an unidentifiable emotion in her eyes.
"You can fight this, Colonel," she stated quietly but firmly.
"I'll make it," he said with a smirk. What gave her the right to tell him how to cope with his emotions? In fact, who'd given anyone that right to interfere!
Elizabeth exhaled and uncrossed her arms, giving him a pleading look; as if she knew some horrible secret about him that he didn't.
"What!" he asked coldly.
She shifted her position and cocked her head to one side questioningly. "John, I just—"
"Just what?" he demanded loudly. "Feel sorry for me like everyone else!"
"Colonel—"
"Because that's not good enough! It's not good enough, Elizabeth! So just GET OUT!"
She bit her bottom lip and looked away from the man on the infirmary bed. She knew he wasn't the man she… knew; so she walked away.
"I'm home," John called.
Elizabeth walked down the stairs towards him and before he knew it, she'd thrown her arms around him.
"Yes, you are."
The…hug… had more than just confused and stunned him; it had awoken a sense of curiosity within. What if she… If he…?
It was ridiculous to say that John Sheppard was in love; because honestly, he'd never been in love. He'd never had more than a steady girlfriend for more than 6 months. It had always seemed that the women his age who were interested in him were ridiculously immature (even for him). When he'd left Earth for the then unknown Atlantis, the last thing he'd expected to find was home.
…
John Sheppard awoke from the sleep that had been haunted by nightmares of people he cared about… his parents, Teyla, Rodney, even Beckett. And… Elizabeth. He looked around to find himself in the infirmary. He remembered with a pang how the foreign anger, now instilled in him, had somehow spoken with his voice, through his mouth and his eyes to Elizabeth earlier.
"Are you feeling any better?"
He winced at the sound of the very woman's voice.
"Elizabeth…"
She was sitting on a chair next to his bed, putting down a file she'd been reading.
"Save your strength," she said. "Dr. Beckett said you passed out."
"Yeah, I… About what I said earlier," John tried to explain. "That wasn't… I didn't mean it. At all."
She seemed to relax visibly, "I understand."
"For what it's worth, I'm sorry."
"Thank you John," she said after a moment of silence. She stood up to stand at the side of his bed. "I just want you to know, we're trying everything, and—"
He sat up. "I know that," he said sincerely.
"Beckett says you're turning into a wraith," Elizabeth said bluntly.
He sighed deeply, trying to suppress the anger he felt rising again. "You really suck at the whole 'bed-side manner' thing…"
"We're going to beat this. You just have to keep fighting. We can't lose you… I can't… lose you," she said gently.
"Elizabeth… It's starting again. You have to leave…"
"What?"
"I can't… I'm not safe to be around anymore. Leave."
"John, I…"
"LEAVE!" he cried.
She stared at him for a minute before turning to retrieve her papers. She left the infirmary not questioning his ability to fight but hers to not feel like she'd lost him forever.