Summary: Carol tells herself that she came here because she was looking for change, looking for a perspective that only distance could make possible.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Val McDermid created them and Robson Green and Hermione Norris brought them to life.
A/N: When I read the news that the Scorpions could be disbanded, my first thought was, "Carol can go home!" And so, fic. This is for Nat, in the interest of sanity and all that. ;)
Something I wasn't sure of
But I was in the middle of
Something I forget now
But I've seen too little of
- "This is the Last Time", Keane
Carol sits on the uncomfortable plastic chair, her feet resting on her carry-on bag in front of her. The Oliver Tambo International Airport is smaller than Heathrow, but otherwise is the same as almost every other airport Carol has passed through. When she arrived in South Africa, it had been called Johannesburg International; if there is one thing her life here has taught her, it is that everything changes and there is nothing anyone can do about it.
Carol tells herself that she came here because she was looking for change, looking for a perspective that only distance could make possible. She has told herself this every day for the last three years, and yet here she is in an airport waiting lounge, counting the minutes until her flight is called.
She tells herself she was happy here. She likes the people. She likes her neighbourhood. She likes the culture. She likes the weather. She liked her job. All of that is true, of course, but she has never been able to forget that something is missing.
It is entirely her fault. She is honest enough to admit that, at least to herself. She was a coward and she ran away. Vanished into the night like some kind of ghost, she thinks with a wry smile, and in return she is the one who is haunted.
She wonders if he thinks of her as often as she thinks of him.
There have been emails – stilted, brief, revealing nothing of what either of them feels. There have also been the occasional text messages, but those are even worse than the emails.
Carol has not told him she is returning.
She wonders how he has changed since she last saw him. She knows she has changed, but the one thing she was hoping would change hasn't. She is still in love with him.
Even if he has changed enough to allow himself to love her, that doesn't mean he's going to forgive her for leaving.
She glances around the waiting lounge, hoping that studying her fellow passengers will distract her from thinking about Tony. She knows the rest of the flight will be a struggle to keep her thoughts away from him, and she half-heartedly wishes to be seated next to a chatterbox who will demand all her attention.
Her fellow passengers are not interesting enough to hold her interest, and she gives up, letting her mind wander.
She liked living here, but she can admit now that she was never truly happy. She was selfishly glad when she heard the news that the Scorpions could be disbanded. There was no need to hang around waiting to see what would happen; she handed in her resignation the next day.
So here she is, a week later, on her way back to the life she left behind.
The boarding gates are finally opened. Carol picks up her bag and joins the queue, holding her ticket and passport ready. It's time to go home.