This was definitely turning out to be a crappy day.
The jocks had cornered Kurt in a stairwell, just a usual rough-up of the "Institute weirdos", and anyone could see the panic in his face as the circle closed in on him.
He could port if he had to, but it would mean expulsion and a panicked shutdown of the school. And what harm would befall the mutants that couldn't just port away to safety? Kurt was no stranger to the occasional bullying, but he'd taken pains to avoid all-out maulings from the usual suspects.
Everyone was fond of telling him that he had to 'man up' and 'take his lumps' like the rest of them, but he was facing more than just a random ass kicking. All it would take was a punch to the face and they'd feel his fuzzy little nose breaking. They'd feel his fur. And if that wasn't enough, somewhere through the beating, that damn hair-trigger inducer of his would fritz out.
The jocks were done verbally mocking and threatening, and were now moving on to the physical part of textbook hazing. Duncan grabbed the collar of Kurt's jacket and drew back a fist. This was interrupted by the clacking of high heels on linoleum. Duncan let go of Kurt immediately.
"Mr. Matthews, glad I could catch up with you before practice," the woman greeted, primly. She flipped over a page on her clipboard, pen at the ready.
"Uh, hello Ms. Keeble," Duncan said nervously, wondering why the school nurse had tracked him down. She seemed oblivious to the unfolding scene, at least. They could probably get back to beating up Wagner when she left.
"What's up?"
The first bell signalling the end of lunch drowned her reply out. Students started trickling into the hallway, to visit their lockers. She sighed in annoyance and began again.
"Your white blood cell count, unfortunately, which usually indicates an infection. The test results came back in. Looks like gonnorhea, I'm afraid. Possibly chlamydia too." She tsked, leafing through the clipboard's contents.
Duncan stared at her, unbelieving that the attractive school nurse had just blurted that in front of his friends in a nearly full hallway. "What?"
Ms. Keeble looked instantly abashed. "Oh my goodness . . . I'm so sorry. I completely forgot you were hard of hearing, dear. I SAID IT LOOKS LIKE GONNORHEA AND CHLAMYDIA! THEY ARE HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS STDS THAT CAUSE YELLOW DISCHARGE FROM THE GENITALS AND SWOLLEN GLANDS IN THE GROIN."
Duncan ducked down, hissing a curse as every head in the hallway swiveled towards them.
"HERE'S A LIST OF ANTIBIOTICS YOU NEED TO TAKE. NO SEX FOR SEVEN DAYS AFTER IT CLEARS UP, NOT EVEN ORAL, AND WEAR A CONDOM FROM NOW ON, OKAY?"
"Oh my fucking God," Duncan muttered, face ashen, accepting the slip of paper the nurse handed him.
"ARE YOU ALRIGHT, SWEETIE? IS IT BURNING? I CAN PRESCRIBE SOME CREAM -"
"No it's - um - it's okay. " Duncan abruptly fled.
"REMEMBER TO REPORT ANY STRANGE OR BAD-SMELLING DISCHARGE FROM YOUR PENIS! AND DON'T SCRATCH!" She called after him helpfully. "Wagner, come with me. We need to run some food allergy tests."
"But I'm not allergic to anything . . ."
Ms. Keeble walked past Matthews' dumbstruck friends, high heels clacking, and leaned far into Kurt's personal bubble. "My office. Now," the nurse growled, in a very familiar un-nurse-like voice.
The penny dropped and so did Kurt's jaw, momentarily. He gathered his coat and backpack, doggedly following the nurse.
He tackled her into an empty classroom almost as soon as they had rounded the corner, snatching at her wristwatch.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Kurt hissed, straddling 'her' and yanking off the inducer.
"Saving yo ass. Hilariously." Todd smirked up at him, not seeming too alarmed at his position beneath Kurt.
"Ja, hilarious, until you get the school nurse fired!"
"Relax, fool, nobody's gonna be thinking about her, and she's been on maternity leave since Tuesday. They can't prove nothin'." Todd's grin turned into a gulp, noticing his boyfriend still glowering down at him. "Babe, c'mon - Duncan's had it coming that good for years. Probably longer - I bet he tortured gerbils in grade school or somethin'."
"Hmph." The smallest hint of a smile appeared on Kurt's lips. "And what happened to laying low? To 'every man for himself' at school? I thought that was the agreement, yet as soon as I'm in hot water . . ."
"Eh, they mess with you, they mess with the Toad."
"Wearing pumps and armed with a clipboard. How terrifyingly adorable. Why on earth did you actually wear high heels?"
"Because you can't recreate sounds with a hologram, fool. Keeble wears high heels, she's known for them. How would it work if she's walkin' around with stilettos that go 'squeak, squish, squeak'?"
"Not very well," Kurt admitted. He was still on top of Todd, and laid down for the full effect.
Todd whined, squirming a little. Kurt had discovered that Todd always told the truth when hot under the collar. Always. "Where'd you get the high heels?"
"From lost n' found," he moaned. "I'll put 'em back, promise. Babe, if you're gonna do somethin', please . . . don't be gentle."
Todd was so easy to torture. Kurt found it impossible to resist, even when all he wanted to do right now was kiss Todd senseless and give in to his demands. He was cutest when not getting what he wanted. And somehow, Todd seemed to enjoy it more when Kurt didn't give in, tormenting him instead.
Kurt lazily kissed Todd's throat, making him shiver. "I should properly thank you for saving my ass later, hmm?"
"Damn straight," Todd moaned, wriggling happily. He nearly squeaked when Kurt nipped him there.
"And I should also punish you for how you saved my ass, ja? Stealing my spare inducer, someone's shoes, impersonating a member of staff . . ." Kurt nipped harder and Todd bit back a squeal, hips arching against a hand that was suddenly no longer there. Todd moaned at the loss, and again at the class bell ringing from the hall.
"Well, like I said, later. The park, near the ornamental bridge. Tonight."
"Gawd dammit to fuck, Crawler, I'm gonna die before then . . ." Todd panted.
"I'll cut the switch. You bring those high heels."
Kurt could see the jolt that traveled through Todd's body at those words. ". . . okay, definitely gonna live for that," Todd sighed.
God, Todd really was terrifyingly adorable. Kurt needed to leave now.
"Eight sharp. See you." He left his boyfriend recovering on the floor, heading to class.
So maybe today wasn't so crappy after all.