Sometimes a new start can be a good thing…
A CAM AND MAYA STORY
Chapter 1
NO ONES POV:
There was a red umbrella bobbing up and down in the distance, merely a shadow and a splash of color against the fog. He had been watching it for a while, the figure underneath it racing along the sidewalk as the light sprinkle of raindrops, which fell upon the sidewalk that he was walking upon, turned to a full downpour. The silence that followed after he heard the last splash of a foot in a puddle disappeared as the umbrella vanished from sight around a corner was echoed through his head.
He took one last glance at the corner and turned. He brushed his hair, soaked from the rain and put his head down not looking where he was going. As he walked along he tried to clear his head, clear his head of all the torture he had gone through but instead all of the memories came rushing back to him.
CAMS POV:
I was cold. I'm such an idiot for standing at that corner to watch that person race off to somewhere warm. Somewhere where people cared. Why can't I be that person? The only one who's been willing to listen was Justin, my older brother and yet I'm to chicken to admit everything. I kept on walking past dozens of houses with bright lights shining through the windows, the sound of people talking. Each time I resisted looking up; the more I wanted to cry, to break down. I felt my lungs gasping for air, my heart beating rapidly as the demons in my head mocked me. I was drowning, I screamed as I fell off the edge and felt the cool air rushing above my head.
I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head rapidly from side to side to clear my thoughts, as water droplet flew from my wet hair. I tried to get rid of all the monsters there which would come back to haunt me in my dreams. At last I was able to get rid of them and come to my senses.
I finally cleared my head a moment later and looked up. As I kept on walking I passed a car. In the side window I could see my reflection in the fogged up glass. I was a mess. To put it in short terms I was soaking.
I turned around and retraced my steps, splashing in the puddles underneath my feet. My arm brushed against the side of hip colliding on the spot that was my one weak spot. I cried out and quickly glanced around panicked to see if anybody had been watching and felt my heartbeat slowing down as I found no one to be around watching. I pulled my sweatshirt sleeve over the cuts, the scars that are my weakness. No one knew about them. I had promised not to resort to hurting myself to my parents and my older brother Justin but what did they care about? All my dad talked about nowadays was the hockey team that I had been admitted to in Toronto, Canada. They just didn't understand the pressure, assumed that my tears and pleas not to go was me being whiny and lazy.
I looked up at the front door of my house a few minutes later as I wiped away stray tears on my face and drew a deep breath as I prepared for what was to come.
"Campbell Saunders what the hell were you thinking when you walked out of this house without telling us where you were!"
I was walking to my room as my father stopped by to yell at me. Excuse him for not being able to censor his words.
I pushed past him, my jaw set. Why should I answer my dad if all he ever does is insult me?
As I walked up the stairs he tried to grab my arm on the place where my scars were and pull me back to face him. At the last second though he withdrew his hand when he saw the look on my face. "I'm going to my room. Don't follow me." I said coldly, looking him straight in the eye.
"Wait, Cam-" my dad started but I never heard the rest of it cause I was already in my room.
I collapsed on my bed, looking up I saw the boxes of clothes and gadgets all packed up. The room was empty except for my head and those few boxes. A few months ago the walls had posters of hockey stars and teams. This was the one place that I felt safe. The place where I felt normal, but now it was empty and I wouldn't see it for years.
THE NEXT MORNING-STILL IN CAM'S POV:
Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!
"Oh shut up Justin," I mumbled in my sleep confused, my arm waving wildly above my head as I tried to reach the snooze button on my alarm clock.
I had opened my eyes only a fraction of a centimeter before I was blinded the early morning sun's rays. I sat up confused. The sun never shined in my room because of the curtains…that weren't there anymore I realized with a jolt. This was really happening I thought as the looked around. I was really going to leave. I was going to miss this place I thought until I realized that what I was saying didn't make sense. Why would I miss the place where my dreams started? The place where my scars were cut. The place where I grew up. I guess when you have to leave the only place that you've ever known you get a little emotional.
I sat there thinking until I realized that I should probably get up. I threw back the covers of my bed and crossed the floor to the bathroom.
I opened the door to my bathroom and ran my fingers across the tiles on the counter. It was habit to do this every time I entered. The tiles felt cold and lonely, just like me. Somehow it helped to clear my mind when I was down under ready to kill myself.
My hand still on the counter I stared at my reflection in the mirror in front of me. I've always hated mirrors. They seem to always show my flaws. I already knew that I wasn't that tall. I already knew that I wasn't handsome even though the girls at school thought otherwise. Sometimes I wish they would realize what a mess I am then they would leave me alone. This time when I looked into the mirror I saw an imprint on my cheek. Probably the corner of a sheet pressed into my skin late last night.
I quickly washed up and pulled on my long-sleeved shirt and a red hoodie. I took one last look at my bedroom and bathroom when I solemnly nodded at it as if it was a person and calmly walked out.
I heard the floorboards creak as I walked down the hall when I heard a small peep in the door way to my right. I turned and came face to face with my little sister and brother. They had a sad look in their faces. My face twitched as I tried not to smile at them but it won out.
You should have seen their faces. Admittedly I had never really acted happy around them so when I did they would look really happy. Instinctively I braced myself for the impact of 2 bodies but instead got nothing. I looked up and saw them hesitating. I jerked my head to the side and this time they ran up and hugged me.
I felt happy.
LATER IN THE CAR
I wiped the fog away from the car window as I saw my older sister, older brother and my two younger siblings waving goodbye. I nodded at them and turned away from the glass my eyes burning with fresh tears. No. No I thought I couldn't show what I'm thinking and feeling. Justin's goodbye proved that.
"You know that I love you bro,"said Justin. I had felt happy that time. I realized that he wasn't thinking that I was a burden. "Just promise me that you won't hurt yourself". It was then that I had crashed down.
"I'm not going to anymore," I said coldly but hesitant to look into his brother's dark brown eyes. "I'm not some loser who hurts himself" I backed away before trying to turn away from him.
"NO" he replied, " You have to try Cam" as he pulled me back to face him.
"I didn't mean to in the first place," I had mumbled.
"You did Cam. We all know it. You haven't seen the way mom cries at night. I've watched her. You cut yourself again and this whole family falls apart. Especially me" He had whispered that last part having a far away look in his eyes like he wasn't here.
I squeezed my eyes shut, tears threatening to spill over my eyelashes. My continuous headache starting up again.
"I was stupid", I heard myself saying, "I wasn't myself"
"You were STUPID!" Justin shouted at me " YOU NEARLY KILLED YOURSELF!"
"Be quiet" I shushed him" mom and dad might hear."
"Cam" he started again " When are we going to get the phone call? The one that tells us that you're dead? The one that says you killed yourself. The one that say you've done something STUPID again. You're not going to have an excuse. Saying that it was an accident won't work again."
It was then I could see the hurt in his eyes as I looked into his eyes. I wasn't sure if it helped. Instead the words added itself to the endless list of people that I disappointed.
BACK IN THE PRESENT
I watched the trees up ahead fly by in the car. The splashes of green against the darkening sky as the stars rose up. Instead of shining bright stars they were blobs of light in the endless sky. I rested my head back on the headrest and looked ahead refusing to look back when we passed by the last of the place where I grew up. Instead though my body did its own accord and looked.
I saw the last of Kapuskasing fly by me as a blur…
IN TORONTO MORNING
I was sore. I raised my head and winced as I heard my neck crick and slowly rotated my head until it felt normal again.
I cracked one eyelid and saw my mom looking at me from the front passenger seat. Her eyes stared into mine. I saw a faint smile on her face as she realized that I was awake and turned around.
"We're almost to your billet parents house", she said softly like she was on the verge of crying.
"Thanks mom" I said to her back and watched my reflection in the window as a single, salty tear fell down my check…