Author's Note: This peice of fiction is entirely for comedic purposes only. It is slightly absurd. Expect more chapters soon.

Chapter One - 525,600 Minutes

Every step Kurt took was agonizingly slow. Every time his foot hit the hallway's carpeted floor, Kurt could feel one of his perfect locks bounce slowly out of place. He briefly considered raising a hand to fix it, but that would take at least an hour to get his fingertips to the level of his eyes. "Damn this hallway," he thought.

His satchel was on its slow descent from a bounce caused by a step he took ten minutes ago. As the book-bag hit his thigh, Kurt heard someone call to him. Very slowly, and drawn out.

"Kuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu"

Kurt began to turn his head to see who the owner of this voice was.

"uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu"

"Is it Blaine?" Kurt thought, "I hope its Blaine."

"uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu" the voice continued.

Kurt almost had his head turned when suddenly there was a jolt. The sudden transition from slow-motion to normal speed caused him to trip. He had exited the hallway, and was now in the grand foyer that connected the four main hallways. Kurt stood up and fixed his hair. He turned to look down the speed-constricting corridor from which he had just exited.

"uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu" the voice still called to him.

Kurt squinted his eyes, so as to see better. There, at the end of the hallway, sprinting in full Baywatch style was none other than Blaine "Fuck me right now" Anderson. His black curls bouncy, his blazer unbuttoned and flapping in the slowed wind. His crotch – Kurt shook his head. "Not right now Kurt," he thought "these uniform slacks are very revealing. Save these thoughts for your room and your sock."

Kurt had a good twenty minutes to kill while Blaine rushed down the hallway at the speed of a snail, so he walked over to the small coffee vendor placed conveniently outside the slow-motion hallway.

"Business must be booming," Kurt said to the barista with a smile, "I'm sure you run out of coffee pretty fast." Kurt joked. "Especially since everyone here is in such a rush." By now the boy had himself in stitches laughing.

"Hardee har har," the barista said sarcastically, "aren't you clever. What'll you have? "

Kurt wiped a tear from his eye and regained his regal composure. "Iced vanilla frappe," he said, "with skim milk. None of this two percent crap."

The barista rolled his eyes and went to work making Kurt's drink. Kurt glanced down the hallway, and saw that Blaine had made it about five feet – and this is at a full on sprint.

The barista slid the iced frappe across the counter to Kurt. "There you go, princess." Kurt glared, grabbed his drink, and went and sat at one of the study tables. He pulled out Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and began reading while Blaine made his slow voyage down the slow-motion hallway.

Kurt had finished his drink (and two chapters of his book) by the time Blaine arrived. Blaine was sweaty and out of breath. Kurt took one glance at the head Warbler, and had to cover the crotch of his pants with his book.

"Tired?" Kurt asked.

"You have no idea." Blaine replied, smiling.

"Hey," the barista interjected, "is that your wallet?"

Blaine turned to look. Sure enough, halfway down the slow-motion hallway was a wallet embroidered with a large gold "B" for Blaine. Blaine looked at Kurt. "Be right back," he said. Then Blaine turned and began his run through molasses that was the slow motion hallway.

Kurt watched him run. "Dat ass," he thought. And Kurt knew that he wouldn't be moving the Harry Potter book unless he wished to reveal to the world his raging erection.