This was done as part of a trade between MartAnimE and I on deviantArt. She drew my Pathtag design of my chibi self and in return I was to write fic featuring Homura and Mami in some fashion that was at least 1200 words. It's my first full length Puella Magi fic after all the drabbles I've done (which aren't all posted here yet).
One learns many lessons when they have the ability to restart timelines. Perhaps one of the quickest to learn is kindness gets you killed. Living as a Puella Magi, your life is shortened anyway. You live or die by the Soul Gem. Let it become too dull and you'll grow into a witch. Let it get broken and you'll die. Let it be taken away from you, and you die. You've only got one soul, after all. Survival is what will pull you through. There is no room for kindness, especially when that kindness involves persuading others to take on the terrible fate of a Puella Magi.
Mami was always very motherly, and kind. Even I fell under her influence when I first met her. It was hard not to. She wasn't the kind of girl that was cut out to be a Puella Magi. She was meant to be the girl that everyone adored, who had friends over often for tea and cake. She loved baking treats, and not even I can deny how tasty they were. She made you want to be like her, even if that meant putting your life on the line to do so. The dangers were made clear, but you were certain that if you were with Mami, you would be fine in the end, somehow.
I met her in the first timeline. Corkscrew curls and a soft smile. I had been walking home from school, and I wasn't quite paying attention. I didn't notice the scenery around me change until it was too late. I thought I would die. I was weak and pathetic. I had gotten myself caught up in a Witch's barrier without realizing it. Then Mami and Madoka appeared, and they saved my life, defeating the Witch. I would have easily died if they hadn't come to my rescue. I was in awe of the two of them, and I'm sure it showed on my face. They took me to Mami's apartment after the battle, and we all had cake and tea.
By the end of the first timeline, Mami was dead, killed before Madoka was. Mami had put herself in the line of fire, saving Madoka from bearing the blow of Walpurgis Night. The shot shattered her Soul Gem, her body immediately becoming a lifeless husk. She fell to the ground, school uniform ripped and torn. Tiny cuts and bruises were visible all over her body. I cried, and Madoka vowed to fight, to protect everyone. Ultimately, she died too.
The truth of being a Puella Magi was starting to take form in my mind then, but I didn't hesitate to take the contract when Kyubey offered it. I didn't want Madoka dead. Her life couldn't end that way. It was too soon, she was too young… and she was the closest friend I had in my life. Before her, and before the hospital, no one wanted to be around me. I was too shy and timid. Easily ignored and forgotten. I was more likely to be pushed aside than. I didn't have anything that would lure anyone's attention. I was alone, an orphan child who happened to have heart troubles. Could anyone blame me for wanting Madoka to live?
The second timeline was my chance to prove to myself that I was stronger, and more capable. This time, I would protect Madoka, instead of her protecting me. What a clumsy fool I was. I struggled to control my powers. Time manipulation should have been a very powerful weapon against a Witch, but I made it seem useless. I couldn't take advantage of it very well, though at the time I thought my efforts were wonderful. I thought I was protecting Madoka. I thought I was making a difference in how the timeline played out.
All the while, Mami helped to guide me along. After my failed beating of a barrel, she provided me with some exercises to improve my endurance. No matter how I messed up, she was there with a kind word and some encouragement. I didn't want to give up. I knew that Madoka needed me, and so I pushed forward like a child full of energy, but with no place to go. After every battle, we all would go to her apartment, and once again she would provide tea and cake. It was one of the few normal things in a world bound to chaos.
Once again, Mami died in battle. This time, she had protected me so that I could deliver a devastating blow. It had upset me, but at the time, there were too many other things to worry about. Madoka…had not done so well. As she collapsed onto the wet ground, I saw her Soul Gem, bleak and black. There weren't any Grief Seeds to save it. I could only watch as she gasped painfully, struggling to fight the darkness. In the end, she could only give in as she became a Witch.
Third time's a charm, or so they say. I had thought that this timeline would bring about the wish I so desired. Together, we had all found each other. We improved, gained in strength. I was more determined than ever to defeat Walpurgis Night. By now my skills and command of time were near perfection. It was all too easy to raid the mafia and build bombs. It had become second nature to me, just as it was second nature to work to protect Madoka from dying.
I suppose that's why the battle with Sayaka's Witch form threw me for a loop. She was a new face in this timeline as a Puella Magi, but I suppose it wasn't the worst that could happen. While I knew that magical girls became witches from my experience before, I hadn't planned on the reactions of the others, especially Mami. When the battle was done, she lost it. She bound me and then shot Kyouko before anyone could react. Madoka ended Mami's life by shattering her Soul Gem. I wish I could say it was fulfilling to be able to comfort her that night, but I was uneasy and on edge. Things were not changing. At least, they weren't changing for the better. Things were worse, and I couldn't understand why.
I continued forward and backward, hoping to make the changes, hoping to find a difference. Every time, Mami was the same. She never lost that kindness, that motherly attitude toward her fellow Puella Magi. Always the same knack for cooking, the same knack for acting as the mother to use all. No matter which events changed, she always stayed the same. I had seen enough of the results of her actions, and I was fed up with it. She was causing her own death, time and time again. But she did not know the way the timelines repeated, and I could not show her myself. Telling her would only lead to disbelief, and possibly a mental breakdown as before.
Perhaps it was because I was forced to live through the same time period over and over again, but I eventually learned that kindness would get you nowhere as a magical girl. You were doomed to die that way. By talking to others, you were only dooming them as well. Kindness had no place as a Puella Magi. You were the one tricked in the end into making the contract. You never got the wish you truly desired. Mami didn't see that.
I had since figured out that it would be by being unkind and aloof toward Madoka that I could help protect her. I would treat her as though she were nothing more than an odd acquaintance, even though it hurt me to do so. I couldn't let her become a magical girl. I couldn't watch her in pain, nor watch her on the verge of death again. I would become stronger, better, and she would live. She would live peacefully.
Mami, on the other hand, was working to do the opposite of what I desired. With that attitude, she'd surely convince Madoka and Sayaka to contract, thus continuing the same events over and over again.
"Can't you see what you're doing?" I asked her late one night. We had met on the streets, and I was coming from observing a section of the city.
"Hmm? What do you mean?" she asked, not understanding what I was referring to.
"You're creating more magical girls. We don't need any more magical girls in the city."
"I'm not creating anything, Homura. I'm simply showing Madoka and Sayaka the life of a Puella Magi. If they decide to contract, then it's their decision." She smiled at me, and that only made me angrier.
"You're putting ideas into their heads! They don't want this life. You and I both know that!" I could not control the anger that boiled inside. She would kill Madoka, and again I'd have to go back. Again.
"Is there something you don't want? Walpurgis Night will be here soon, and we can use them on our side, if they choose it."
"It is clear that you aren't going to listen." I turned, facing away from her. I could not stand to look at that smiling face any longer. "Do as you wish, but do not get in my way." I did not look back, heading into the dark night.
I suppose that's why I felt no remorse when Mami was eaten by Charlotte. It was her own fault for being so kind. She had let her guard down, and one knows that when another's guard is down, it's easy to attack. That's exactly what Charlotte did, and I don't blame her. Kindness killed her in the end, just as it would surely kill others. I would not succumb to the same fate. My goal was to protect Madoka and keep her from becoming a magical girl. I would succeed. I had no other choice, and kindness wasn't an option.