A/N: This came around because I found it rather interesting that, in the manga, Soubi asks Ritsuka to take him someday. But in the fanfics, Soubi's always the one in charge. Weird, huh?
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Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
- "Missing" by Evanescence
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Somehow, Ritsuka was always alone. He loved Soubi, allowing the older man to take him and even enjoying it despite the large difference in their ages. But he knew that Soubi's heart wasn't in it, and that scared him. He was afraid of losing him, of being alone.
He gave in to as many of Soubi's demands as he could. When Soubi instructed him to treat him as an object instead of a person, he complied, ordering the older man about in a manner that thoroughly disgusted him.
What he didn't understand was that, by complying with Soubi's requests, he was disappointing him. Soubi wanted to be governed. He didn't want to be the one in charge; that sort of responsibility scared him. He liked being governed, and was used to it. Being treated like an object was comforting to him; years of being despised by Seimei had ensured that most of his spirit had been broken. When he was treated like a person, it opened up the possibility of holding emotions, and he was afraid of emotions, especially love. When Seimei had left, it had hurt him so badly that he never wanted to fall in love again.
Of course, Seimei had to make that difficult as well. He instructed Soubi to love Ritsuka. So Soubi did, and it scared him.
Ritsuka was used to Soubi leaving after they slept together, but this time he reached out, catching the older man's sleeve in trembling fingers.
"Why?" he asked simply, tears rolling down his cheeks.
Soubi didn't understand.
"Why won't you love me?"
We're like light and dark, Ritsuka. I don't deserve a person as perfect as you are, Soubi thought. He let none of this pass his lips, though, and he simply hung his head.
I do love you, Ritsuka. But I am your fighter, and I shouldn't be the one in charge.
Ritsuka knew none of this. He simply saw Soubi leaving him alone, once again.
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A/N: Please review!