Moony's Musings

By: Trep092

Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter the series would never have ended. And since there aren't any new books, I obviously don't own it However much I'd love to.

*** September 1, 1993 (present) ***

Remus Lupin strolled wearily into King's Cross Station. He was clad in his Muggle best; a faded pair of jeans patched in several places, and a threadbare black jacket buttoned up against the chill in the September air.

Even though it had been fifteen years since he had last set foot in this station at the start of his final year at Hogwarts School, it only felt like yesterday. In fact, he could remember the first time he had ever set foot in King's Cross, well over twenty years prior, so vividly that for a moment he thought he was that shy little boy again, scared out of his mind at the idea of going to a place where people could easily find out his deepest secret and hate and ostracize him for it. Just as all those who had known him before the attack had.

*** September 1, twenty-two years prior ***

Remus was terrified. His hands were slick with sweat where they gripped the handle of the trolley in front of him baring his bulky school trunk. His wide brown eyes darted around the packed station, taking in the hoards of Muggles boarding and exiting the many trains. He picked out other Hogwarts students dispersed throughout the crowd by their similar luggage. Idly he wondered whether any of them were First Years, and if they were quite as nervous as he was. He doubted it.

"The entrance is this way Son." His Father's strong hand on his shoulder brought him out of his thoughts. His pale face flamed red as he realized that he had stood stock still staring at the crowd for quite a while.

He bolstered his courage and propelled his trolley after his parents who were striding confidently towards a barrier between platforms nine and ten. Copying his Father's casual stance, he leaned against the barrier and a second later found himself on a platform teaming with witches and wizards who were bidding their children, who were saying hello to friends and clambering onto the scarlet steam engine, goodbye.

As Remus struggled to lift his trunk off the trolley his Father's reassuring tones broke once again into his concentration, "Son let me help you with that, your Mother wants a word." His Father's large capable hands took the handle from his grip and hoisted the trunk up into the train.

Turning to his Mother Remus took in her expression and felt some of his anxiousness fade away. He knew that she loved him no matter what happened, and with that knowledge the tight knot in his stomach loosened fractionally. She took his hand and led him behind a pillar where they were afforded a semblance of privacy.

She cupped his chin in her soft hand and lifted his face so he was looking into her eyes and not at the ground. "Remus you know that your Father and I love you. We are extremely proud of you, and we know that you will accomplish much in your life. Know that no matter what anybody says or does, you are a good person with a brilliant brain and a caring heart. You will do amazing, trust me. A Mother knows these things."

He bit his lip and lowered his eyes to the scuffed tiles under foot. "What if people find out?" he asked in such a small voice that his Mother almost didn't catch what he said.

"Nobody will find out," she reassured him, "Professor Dumbledore has made sure of that."

"What if nobody likes me?"

"Oh honey," she said wrapping her arms tightly around him, "of course people will like you. How could they not?"

Leaning into his Mother's warm embrace, breathing in her flowery perfume he almost believed her … almost.

"Jane, Remus it's time." At his Father's words, Remus felt his heart lurch. This was it. He had been waiting as long as he could remember for this moment, not expecting it to come, and it had finally arrived.

As he walked with his parent's towards the train he realized this was his last chance to back out. If he continued, he'd have the chance to learn amazing things, to be with children his own age who didn't know anything about him and his past. But there was also the chance that someone could discover his secret and then he would be an outcast not only in his extended family but in the wider Wizarding World as well. If he backed out now he could go back home where he was lonely but at least he was safe with his loving parents and his books.

Remembering his Mother's words he lifted his chin fractionally and squared his shoulders. He would make his parents proud. He would make sure that their sacrifices over the past three years hadn't been in vain. They had never given up on him even when his situation had cost them their relatives' and friends' support. Now that they had succeeded in getting him accepted at Hogwarts he wasn't about to turn down the opportunity, no matter how much he wanted to.

As he reached the train's door, he turned to his parents. Their expressions were mirror images of love and pride. His Father who was a tall powerful man bent down and gave him a strong hug. He whispered in Remus's ear, "Don't ever doubt yourself Son. You're Mother and I have worked hard these last few years because we know that you are someone special who will go far in life. Just be yourself, that's all anybody can ask of you."

Having been released from the shelter of his Father's arms, Remus turned to his Mother. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears. Throwing his arms around her neck he pleaded, "Mom don't cry because of me." He dug deep inside his heart and found a wavering spark of courage. "I'll be fine."

"I know Son," she sniffed, "these are happy tears."

The mournful sound of the train's whistle broke them apart.

"Hurry Son, have a good term."

His parent's words followed him onto the train which was slowly beginning to move. He hurried to the nearest window and leaned out. "Bye Mom and Dad, I'll miss you."

"We'll miss you too, love you Remus."

As the train picked up speed and his brown hair whipped in the wind, he could just barely hear his Mother's words. "Love you too!" he shouted as the train turned a corner and the small figures of his parents were lost from sight.

Wiping a tear from the corner of his eye, he turned to face the corridor. His parent's words had helped to soothe the roiling mass of nerves in his stomach. Just as they always had.

His parent's had always supported him. During the terrifying, pain filled days after the attack they had been beside him, soothing him and promising everything would be all right. When they had heard his prognosis, they were shocked and dismayed, but they instantly went to bat for him. They searched for a cure obsessively, and when none was found they were determined to make his life as normal as possible. They lobbied the headmaster of Hogwarts Armando Dippet, and the Ministry of Magic to allow him to attend Hogwarts, but were denied time after time.

Finally, his strong willed father was nearing defeat. In desperation, he wrote a daring article in the Daily Profet, for which he was a weekly columnist, about the rights of persons with disabilities in the wizarding world and how they compared with those of people in the muggle world.

The newly appointed headmaster of Hogwarts Albus Dumbledore had showed up at their house a few days after the article had been published and had offered Remus a place at Hogwarts. He had outlined a plan to protect Remus and the other students, and was positive that he could have a carefree time at school.

His parents had been ecstatic, but he had greeted the news with trepidation. He had gone his entire life with the entire wizarding world telling him that he couldn't get an education or any sort of employment. And now, here was this man saying that he could go to school and nobody would find out about his differences. He didn't know what to think.

Now he was here, aboard the school train, speeding off to the place which held his greatest fears, and yet, also his greatest hopes.

*** September 1, 1993 (present) ***

Twenty-two years later, he could smile at his younger self. He hadn't known then but he was beginning the best years of his life. He would meet his three best friends, and would be a part of the popular crowd for the first time in his life.

Now he was beginning a new chapter in his life. He was coming back to Hogwarts, not as a student, but as a teacher.

A week earlier, when he was yet again at a low point of his life, Albus Dumbledore had shown up at his door and had yet again saved him. He had offered him the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Having been unemployed for longer than he could remember, he had leapt at the opportunity for work and companionship.

So Yet again he was at this station on the brink of a new adventure, but this time he was not afraid.

He had grown much in the last two decades. Especially during the time in which he was a member of the Order of the Phoenix, and when he had lost all of his best friends in a few days of each other. Three to death's embrace, and one had been revealed as a traitor and murderer and had been sent to the feared prison of Azkaban.

He was alone in the world, but he was much stronger. He knew that he could and would survive.

Casually leaning against the barrier between platforms nine and ten, he stepped forward and didn't look back.