Authoress's note: I was thinking of the song before I fell asleep; thought it'd fit in quite nicely with Harry's thoughts after OotP. Second Linkin Park songfic I've done; it's interesting how deeply their words go.
Disclaimer: all HP characters mentioned -- mostly just Harry and Sirius and Voldemort and perhaps the Order -- belong to JK Rowling, damn her. :P The lyrics of the song Breaking the Habit belong to Linkin Park. The idea belongs to me, is all.
SPOILERS: OotP sploilers.
Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again...
The memories assail me, haunting me in my sleep, wracking me with guilt and grief during the day. I can still see him ... falling through that awful Veil...
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again...
It's strange; everyone seems to be so worried about me, but they hardly even look at me. I'm here at Privet Drive, and there's always someone on guard. But it wouldn't be that hard for any Death Eater to kidnap me. All they'd have to do is wait for the 'pop' of one guard leaving; in the time it takes each shift for the next guard to arrive, they could break into the house, kill Aunt Petunia, Uncle Vernon and Dudley and easily Apparate away with me. I'm never safe, wherever I am.
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose...
It does seem like that, doesn't it? I'm the one trouble always follows, I'm the one who's always involved in some battle or war with the Dark. It's infuriating.
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused...
Perhaps ... no, I'm not really confused. It's all quite simple, really. I'm Harry Potter, after all. The Boy Who Lived. It's my job to win this war. My job to kill Voldemort. My job to protect everyone. So why are they all trying to protect me? They're hardly succeeding anyway.
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not all right
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight.
Yes, I've got to break this habit. I mean, I'm always getting into trouble. Not that I can really help it; trouble follows me. But I have to put a stop to it. I should just kill Voldemort and get it over with. Of course I'd have to use Avada Kedavra, and I'd never be comfortable using an Unforgivable, but still.
Yes, I'm going to kill him.
Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again...
I've killed him.
I've come a long way – I used to be the little kid who everybody knew for living, for escaping the darkest, most evil monster in the world. And now, I'm famous for killing him. Well. Isn't that nice, being famous for murder.
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again...
Really, it was kill or be killed. I mean, it's the Prophecy. If I didn't kill him, he'd kill me. I can't be killed by anyone else -- I do seem to repel the Killing Curse. No Death Eater's been able to really kill me. It's either Voldemort kills me, or I kill him.
And it hurts. It hurts to be a murderer. I'm no better than Voldemort himself now, having taken a life.
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be all right
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight.
I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault...
Really, it's not my fault. I'm not responsible for what happened when I was a year old. Gee, sorry for staying alive. Next time some Dark wizard or another comes and tries to murder me, I'll just let him, shall I?
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends...
Yes, it ends now. It ends with the death of Voldemort. His followers are scattered -- but we'll find them. The Order will track them all down, and they'll be brought to justice. Not Azkaban, naturally -- they took it as their Headquarters in the raid last year. Another prison is being built now, on some different remote island or another. No Dementors this time. The prisoners will just have to go mad with boredom, instead of the worst experiences of their lives, I suppose.
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be all right
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight.
But it's over. I've broken the habit.