A/N: This has been rolling around in my head since the last episode. My benny voice isn't the best I will update my other story soon...
not beta'ed I apologize for any mistakes before hand
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Its funny after years of fighting to get out of this hell, I find myself back voluntarily. I got out by the hand of a Winchester and returned for the sake of the other one.
Dean was an enigma: A human in purgatory that was a more proficient killer than any monster. I had been here for decades, but he seemed the veteran, not I, in a matter of weeks. His humanity only crept though when it came to his loyalty to the angel and to the one he left behind.
For a long while I didn't think that there was anyone topside as I never heard him speak of anyone even during those quiet nights when telling stories was our only form of entertainment. He didn't offer much at first besides stories of one night stands and spectacular and amusing hunts, but there was shallowness to his stories. That changed when Castiel joined us.
I remember the first sharing night with Castiel, Dean was telling a story about taking out a shape shifter with a classic movie fetish, when Castiel interrupted perplexed, "Didn't Sam rescue you?" Dean stilled somehow looking more threatened right then than when we are surrounded by monsters wanting to rip our throats out. I wanted to pry because I hadn't heard of this Sam before, but Dean's reaction warned me not to push. Castiel on the other hand, didn't get the memo. "I remember Sam was amused by your outfit, he kept showing me the pictures. I didn't get the humor as it seemed a good homage to your German ancestry if a bit colorful."
Dean smiled for a split second as if the memory took him off guard before leveling a glare at both Castiel and me; I guess my hearing was enough to earn his annoyance. He then sighed giving into the inevitable at the angel's continued confusion. "Yea, yea Sam saved me, but he took his sweet time about it. I mean he stopped to take a picture apparently." The issue died that night but like clockwork Castiel would prod Dean into revealing what I realized was the missing piece from all his stories, Sam, his younger brother.
He never said much but what was left unsaid was monumental: It was Sam. Even as close as war made us, there was a part of Dean that was wholly his own and protected from prying eyes that revolved around being Sam's older brother. I understood that I had had someone like that up top and getting revenge for that loss is what kept me going day after day.
"Tell me about Sam" I asked Castiel about it one day, while Dean was scouting ahead.
Castiel expression grew almost soft before he replied, "Sam Winchester was the abomination that saved the world." What do you say about such a description, it wasn't quite what I was going for; I should have expected that with the angel. Dean returned quickly but from the glares he kept shooting Cas I had to assume he heard the angel if not my question. Needless to say he rarely left us alone after that.
On our successful escape from purgatory sans one angel, we went our separate ways as I expected. We might have been comrade in arms but back on earth he was a hunter with a younger brother and I was a vampire. Yet when push came to shove he came through. That loyalty it seemed was now extended to me.
I was curious about this Sam, but when I first met him the reality run contrary to expectations. I was expecting a soft little brother and instead I was faced with a giant of a man with eyes possibly harder than Dean's that hinted at what Cas had alluded to those months ago. But then again he settled at a small nod from Dean and I saw the little brother again, even if it was one that wanted nothing less than my head on a platter.
The tension between the two brothers was enough to drown in, but considering I had just killed my reason I was less than sympathetic and decided discretion was the better part of valor and made a hasty retreat so that they could battle it out.
At our next meeting, that same tension exuded from Dean even without his brother at his side. He seemed more lost here than he had ever seemed in purgatory. I found myself pointing out that he still had Sam, when he had seemed to have forgotten, in some capacity even if times were tough between the two. I knew I was partially responsible but I also knew the level of bitterness between these two went far beyond Dean's befriending of a vampire. They both felt the other had abandoned and replaced them and feared it happening again. they both were so transparent, especially Dean, it would have been amusing if it wasn't so tragic. Anyone could see that they were irreplaceable to each other and I pitied anyone that tried.
In the end when Dean called to cut ties, I had been expecting the call for some time. It wasn't that Dean and I were incompatible topside, but I had known since seeing Sam's reaction to me that it would come down to a choice I was destined to be on the losing end of. It hurt, but part of me understood and respected his decision. I never wanted to come between them, but my nature and what I represented was destined to. I didn't blame Sam, the friendship between Dean and I was unnatural and more than that represented the Dean that had been formed in purgatory, a dean that had stifled the big brother part of himself to survive. Him choosing to say goodbye meant he had finally moved on from the warrior he had been in purgatory to his true self, the self he so arduously protected in purgatory, the older brother that would sacrifice anyone or anything for a little brother that was far from little anymore and was only whole with that little brother.
Then the call came. The call that asked me to return for the sake of a little brother that hated me. It should have been a hard decision. I mean Dean was literally asking to kill me, but all I could think about was how lost I had been after killing Andrea. I wouldn't wish that fate on anyone, especially someone I considered a friend or at least the closest I had to one in years. If I had any doubt about the depth of Dean's devotion to Sam that phone call and our subsequent meeting obliterated it, the desperation needed to ask such a favor was more than evident by the agony I heard in his voice and saw on his face when the deed had to be done. Yet regardless of the fear and desperation that drove him, I couldn't help but notice that Dean was more whole than I had ever seen him; he had a reason again. So I hugged him and smirked because I understood and approved of what he was doing and wanted him to know that. Dean had enough guilt; I did not need to be on his conscious. Even then I knew the likelihood of me coming back was small.
Going back to purgatory felt like coming home. For the first time in months I felt okay. I knew where I stood and the gnawing at my gut was gone and with it the constant war against instinct and intentions. Then I saw Sam. For the first time he didn't look like the little brother I had pegged him as. He fit here almost as well as Dean with blood on his knife and warrior eyes. He understood why I was here almost immediately and I saw pain fill his eyes. It took me aback before I realized it was for the brother that had sent me.
When we came to the portal and Sam offered me his hand and a trip back to real world without hesitation, I knew what my decision was. Sam was fighting to get back to Dean; I was fighting because that's all I knew how to do anymore. Even trusting me and trying to save me was for Dean, and I appreciated it, but it put in stark contrast what I lacked. Yes, I had Dean topside and while Dean was a loyal friend he wasn't a reason, not for me. When I saw my previous friends coming to attack I knew where my redemption lied. I owed Dean for trusting me and getting me out even if reality failed to offer me more than heartbreak and revenge. The greatest gift that I could give Dean was Sam, the missing piece so evident even in purgatory.
It wasn't completely selfless. Some may even call it the coward's way as in purgatory I didn't have to fight the hunger as I did on earth. Yet seeing Sam escape and knowing that I was responsible for the reunion even now occurring topside was enough to quell that self-deprecating voice and offer redemption and absolution.
"Be happy, brotha." I whispered in the dark after the others lied dead on my feet and all my chances of escape were gone.
I was back where I belonged now and so were Sam and Dean
I appreciate any feedback