Title: Through The Flames
Date: 8th June 2007
Author: Jon C. (The Lurking Writer)
Disclaimer: If it weren't blatantly obvious that I don't own the rights to the Star Wars Saga in any way, shape, or form based on the fact that this is being uploaded here, let me reiterate: I'm not George Lucas and as such, I'm not making any profit from this story other than that which all writers get when they can finally release a bit of their prose to an unsuspecting public.
Rating: K / K+ (mentions of Character death—not detailed—and the emotional aftermath). Spoilers for the Legacy Of The Force series, focusing on Sacrifice.
Summary: Luke Skywalker, Grand Master of the Jedi Order, shattered, torn, and wounded releases some of his thoughts to the ether the old-fashioned way…
Author's Notes: As the date suggests, this was finished on the 8th of June 2007, approximately two weeks after I'd learned of the events within the Legacy Of The Force novel Sacrifice (also, because this was written after Sacrifice but before Inferno, it is essentially AU as far as the Extended Universe Canon is concerned).
Naturally, I was disheartened to learn of a certain character's death in that book. I had a similar reaction to Vector Prime and Star By Star, if I'm honest. As a result of this, though, I decided to vent my… annoyance, the old-fashioned way. Which is sort of why this is in 1st-person perspective, a style I'm not exactly content with nor overly proficient in (see my Harry Potter story, Thirst, for confirmation of this if you dare).
If this seems stilted and terrible to you, I apologise in advance and hope that you'll at least be kind in your reviews (if you decide to leave any that is). This is not the first Star Wars story I've written but it is the first to be uploaded here. Be gentle.
As to why it's taken me over a year to decide to upload this... well, that's more or less a technological reasoning than any forgetfulness on my part – laptops going kaput, lack of Internet access for months on end, motherboard explosions on replacement PC, etc.
The usual.
Additional Note: The 'TSC' in context of this story refers to 'Tatooinian Solar Calendar'.
I'm no stranger to loss. Despite all the good in my life, it has always been balanced by the tragedies. My mother passed away minutes after my birth. My Aunt and Uncle were murdered over forty years ago, my first Master following them a few days later. Within another day, a man I'd known since early childhood died to save my life.
Over the years many people have entered my world only to leave forever, shortly afterwards. For a long time, it seemed like my lot in life to lose everyone who came close to me.
The first death that deeply affected me was that of my father. I'd known him as his true self for such a short while, and under a different guise for most of my life. My second Master had passed into the Force only a few days beforehand, yet it wasn't until Father left this plane of existence behind that I understood the meaning of loss and the depths of pain it could deal. It was the first death I'd encountered as a fully-fledged Jedi Knight.
It has not been the last.
Too many people I've known have been killed and to name only a few seems an injustice to those I don't – however, it's infeasible to attempt to list them all. I think about each and every one, every day, and I will continue to do so until I breathe my last. It's the least I can do to honour their memories.
However, my thoughts dwell on two people who have had incredible influence and impact on my life. Two people who, though now gone, dominate my thoughts almost constantly. Two people I promised always to protect, to love. A promise that has now been broken twice. Like me.
The first, my nephew. Anakin Solo.
I loved that boy as dearly as I do my own son, Ben. In many ways, as I began to feel like a surrogate father to Anakin while acting as his Jedi Master, I realise he had been training me – preparing me for real fatherhood, for Ben.
Anakin reminded me of my younger self, that naïve farmboy from Tatooine who was always looking to the stars, seeking desperately for a brighter future, always searching for the good within everyone. Anakin was bright, skilled, funny, loyal, warm-hearted – who could've asked for a better person than he? He was on his way to becoming the ultimate Jedi, such were his talent with the Force and the discipline he'd finally begun showing after the events of Dantooine and Duro.
I'd always imagined passing on the mantle of leadership to him at some point in the future. He would have been Knighted within a couple of years, and on his way to Mastership within a decade – certainly the youngest since Kyp Durron.
And yet all those shining futures dwindled to nothingness when he became one with the Force on a Yuuzhan Vong worldship orbiting Myrkr.
The grief and sorrow and, yes, self-hatred I felt then weren't only a shock to myself but, as I'm told, also to every Jedi in the Order. No one should have to face the death of a loved one like that. Certainly not one so young, so promising, so… Anakin.
His memory haunts me still, as it has for thirteen years.
But even after all this, nothing had been capable of preparing me, of numbing my fragile heart to the agony of losing my soul mate.
My wife.
My angel.
My universe.
My Mara.
Even a month later I still cannot comprehend why I can't touch her mind, why she isn't there when I wake or when I drift off to sleep. No words are powerful enough for her. All of them would be lies for the Truth is greater than anything used to describe it.
I never got to say goodbye.
Oh, I held her body, I gazed into those emeralds one last time, but she wasn't there. My world shattered so many times in those first few days it was like walking through a storm of crystal shards. So desperately did I search for a fleeting glimpse of her smile I was reduced to a shell of a broken man. The Force was both comfort and tormentor, for though its touch was as soothing as always, Mara was not there and, without her, even the Force felt bitter and harsh to me.
I was lucid enough to know what was happening, what I needed to do. I delegated my responsibilities as Grand Master; I placed Ben under my sister's care; I withdrew completely from the Galactic Alliance. I went into voluntary exile on Tatooine.
And even there I could not forget her. The sunsets I had so often stared at in my youth were stark reminders of my wife's flowing locks – strands of reddish-gold I had loved even before I knew of my love for the woman beneath them.
Now seven weeks have passed and my family have joined me, here in the hovel where my destiny as a Jedi first became known to me. Here where Mara and I spent a few short days on our abbreviated honeymoon.
My sister, Leia, is deeply troubled, because she knows who killed my Mara. She knows that uttering his name will strike a wound as lethal as a lightsaber into the heart of our family.
I know who it is. Ben and I have had our suspicions almost since day one. Early on I had believed it to be Lumiya, she who had tormented our lives for so long. I killed her, thinking it justice for Mara. I had been wrong.
Leia had believed Alema Rar the responsible party, for the poison that had taken Mara had been one of Alema's potent concoctions.
After Leia killed the insane woman, we knew she had not yet found the true murderer – my Mara had been stronger than Alema, stronger than Leia, stronger even than Lumiya. There were precious few people capable of defeating my wife.
In the end, only one had been enough.
And though we do not yet speak his name, we know who he was, and who he is becoming. We mourn his soul almost as much as we will always mourn the woman he betrayed. The woman he'd sacrificed for the sake of power.
I have tried to convince myself that I'd be capable of redeeming him, of forgiving his actions – past, present, and future. But, as Master Yoda always taught, there is no Try.
I know I tread close to the Dark path with these thoughts and I'm ashamed at myself for dwelling on them yet all I can do is imagine wreaking vengeance upon him. I see myself crushing the life out of his body as easily as I'd tear a piece of flimsy to shreds.
The Force has whispered that he holds a new name now, one I can say because it holds no link to the man he'd been before. Darth Caedus. My other nephew. Grandson of Darth Vader.
Is it my place to defeat him?
I do not know.
By the Force I will see him defeated, though – I will see his grip on the galaxy loosen. Even if I am not the one to end the threat he poses, I know I will live long enough to see it happen.
Premonitions have always been both a blessing and a curse to the Skywalkers.
So now the last remaining Skywalkers fill this small room on a remote planet as far from the centre of the galaxy as you can get, huddling together around a lone candle that flickers in an ocean of darkness.
Leia, my sister.
Han, my brother.
Jaina, my niece.
Ben, my only son.
And the memories of my parents and my other nephew…
The whisper-like touch of Mara as I finally discover her light within the embrace of the Force.
Though I am no stranger to loss, I still feel its effects keenly with every breath I take.
And, as always, I remember the teachings of my youth and of the Jedi Code:
Luminous beings are we.
There is no death; there is the Force.
And another truth fills my mind, a wind from the Force itself.
Love can ignite the stars.
As we reach out to the Force and as the Force reaches back to us, I know that we will make it through any fire, through any flame.
I know this not because of premonition nor because of logical deduction.
I know because I have faith in the Force…
… and I have faith in Love.
—Luke Skywalker, Grand Master of the Jedi Order, 1138 TSC