Summary: Lupin Tonks, Black. Remus and Tonks help the residents of Grimmauld Place deal with some Dark Magic.
Author Notes: Occurs during Order of the Phoenix shortly after Harry is brought to Grimmauld Place.
This relies on the physical features of Lupin as presented in the PoA movie. Written Oct 31, 2004. Disclaimer: The characters belong to JK Rowling. The story was written for the pleasure of playing with her characters.
GHOST IN THE MACHINE
Toilet of Terror
Nymphadora Tonks' nose began twitching as got dressed for work this morning. Her eyes opened wide as recognition struck. "Blimey, it's bacon!"
A real breakfast? She followed the aroma to her kitchen where she found not just bacon, but eggs over-easy, toast, jam and a pot of tea.
She approached the man responsible for this feast and fell to one knee in front of him with her eyes brimming with emotion. She tenderly took his hand and pleaded, "Professor Lupin, will you marry me?"
Lupin couldn't consider this a sincere proposal given the woman's attention was completely focused on the breakfast he had prepared. In fact, Tonks managed to dart her head forward quickly and nab a piece of bacon off her plate with her mouth, much like a puppy snagging a morsel, as she waited for his response.
"Oh, get up, Tonks, and don't let your stomach lead you into making rash propositions," said Lupin with a smile. He pulled her up and plopped her into her chair.
Tonks swallowed the bacon, licked her lips in delight, and said, "Mark my words, Remus, I'll wear you down yet, but for now, pass the jam."
They consumed the breakfast amiably, but Tonks sighed a bit sadly as she lifted the last strip of crispy bacon and examined its perfect texture. "All things must come to an end."
She ate the last bit with sheer delight. "Mmm. Any time I try to fix bacon it comes out black and ashy."
Lupin quirked an eyebrow. "Scorched noodles and carbonized bacon? How about we set a new bylaw for our club? Tonks supplies the supplies; Lupin cooks."
"Deal," agreed Tonks readily as she put her hand out to shake his hand. She kept her hand clasped around his to rest on the table and asked, "When do you leave for Bath?"
"I have research to do at the Hogwart's Library before I set off for Bath on the evening train." Lupin added "And I want to see Sirius before I leave again."
"It's just as well that I have guard duty tonight, then. I'll try to come around number twelve to catch up with you this afternoon before you leave," she said. This time her voice was sincere and she patted his thigh with her free hand.
Lupin smiled at how natural it seemed to be having this sort of conversation with Tonks. He was worried they would be awkward with each other this morning. Although not consummated, the intimacy of their relationship was forever changed after last night.
"I'll be back in time for Harry's hearing." Then he added a bit bashfully, "And our next lesson."
"Be warned, Professor, I might impose an unscheduled examination." She was smiling at him with all sweetness, but her foot had slid under the cuff of his trouser leg and was trailing up his calf.
Lupin forced his brain to take charge of his senses and shifted his position to extract himself. "If I'm to see you later, I better get going now."
Tonks smiled demurely and sipped her tea. She fully intended that Lupin start his next mission with a smile.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Number Twelve Grimmauld Place
"Ouch! Oh, hell, not again!"
"Blood traitors! Mutant, half-blood filth..."
Tonks closed her eyes and counted to ten. She'd been in a good mood when she finished her assignment and could drop by number twelve in the late afternoon. That was the only thing preventing her from screaming back at the hag.
"You've got to quit announcing your arrival like this, Tonks." Sirius met his cousin as soon as he pulled the curtains on the portrait of his mother.
"And deprive you of your exercise? Never. Where is everyone?"
"EEEEK!" "Oooh NOOOO!"
Tonks and Sirius looked at each other. They knew it was the teenagers, but couldn't distinguish whom. They ran up the stairs to the third floor to find Molly clutching Ginny and Hermione by the shoulders while Harry and the twins circled Ron.
"Ron, it's clear you'll never match our finesse with the fairer sex," said George with mock sadness.
"Giving a girl a heart attack is not an endearing quality. We should know," added Fred sagely.
"But I didn't--"
"Calm down, Ron," said Harry. "You didn't make Hermione scream?"
"No! Well, yes, but only when-- Look, I swear, there was a foul odor." Ron was interrupted by his twin brothers again.
"Ron, have you learned nothing about bodily functions?"
"Gas is a natural part of growing up. Happens when some blokes get nervous around a girl." Fred tilted his head toward Hermione who merely rolled her eyes.
"I wasn't nervous! Well, more like panicked, but that was after! And the smell wasn't me!" said Ron insistently.
"What's going on here?" asked Tonks as she assumed her professional tone of voice. The murmuring stopped immediately as she came to stand in front of the company.
"Ron and I were cleaning the lavatory," said Hermione calmly as she pointed to the door off the hallway.
Tonks peered into the room to find a sink and a Victorian toilet bowl with the oak cistern attached to the wall several feet above it. The ornamentation on the cistern gave the appearance of a demonic face, but Tonks could sense nothing beyond that. Still, she waved the company into the room across the hall and closed the door. "Tell me everything that happened."
"Ron wanted to leave it, but I kept smelling something really bad," began Hermione.
"Maybe we should let Ron use our special deodorant?" asked George of Fred, who nodded his agreement.
"I'm not a stinker!" insisted Ron, but then frowned and looked at Hermione. He was somewhat relieved when she nodded her head, but then confused when Ginny shook hers. Who knew what girls meant?
"The smell was worse than the troll in the girls' bathroom during first year," said Ron to Harry, who nodded in understanding.
"It was horrible," affirmed Hermione as she wrinkled her nose.
Tonks looked at Sirius with a quirked eyebrow and he immediately transformed into Snuffles. A moment later he returned from his inspection and said, "I couldn't smell anything. That's odd in itself."
"Still, the odor could be from a leaky pipe. Go on," prodded Tonks.
"Hermione decided to get more cleanser, but before we left, I turned around when I heard a gurgle. The toilet began to, well, boil," said Ron.
"It could be that the voices of a young couple woke up whatever's lurking in the loo. Or it could be a leaky pipe and faulty valve. You may need a plumber, not an Auror. Anything else?" asked Tonks.
"I backed away to the door and felt something like, like a cold hand reaching for my throat. It was cold, like when Dementors are around," ended Ron. "That's when I bumped into Hermione and we screamed."
Harry seemed shaken by this last bit and Ginny threw him a sympathetic glance. Even the twins had taken a step back. But Tonks now had a determined gleam in her eye. "Well, well, it looks like we need to flush out a ghoul."
"We want to help, Tonks," said George enthusiastically.
"Yeah, we've dealt with the ghoul in the attic lots of times at the Burrow," added Fred.
"But all that one does is rattle some chains and bang on the pipes," said Ginny.
"Don't worry, Ginny, I should be able to contain even a murderous ghoul." Tonks looked at the twins with serious consideration. "You two can apparate, so we'll use you as decoys, but first we need to entice it."
"I'll go in, dear," said Molly.
"No, Molly, I think we need another young couple to get its attention. Besides, this could get messy and you know I can't do scourgify very well."
Molly and Sirius merely nodded in agreement. There was a certain tone that Aurors assumed when they meant business and Tonks was clearly in control. She shrugged off her robe and rolled up her shirt sleeves as she said, "This is likely to get dirty."
- - - - - - - - -
Harry and Ginny entered the lavatory and looked around. The ornate embellishment of the cistern gave it a rather sinister appearance, like the face of a gargoyle. They exchanged a glance and Ginny stepped just the slightest bit closer to Harry.
"I wish Mum hadn't sent us to finish the loo. It was Ron and Hermione's job after all." Ginny made sure her voice would ring out.
"This isn't so bad," said Harry. "My cousin Dudley always makes sure he leaves a mess for me to clean up at my aunt's house."
Ginny glanced at Harry when she registered the sincerity of his voice. It had taken her some time to realize how the Boy Who Lived was treated at his Uncle's house
"Let's get to it then," said Ginny. "Wait. Did you bring the toilet brush?"
"No, I thought you had it."
"Well, I'm not staying here while you take a detour to talk with Ron. Come on."
The foul odor began to emanate from the toilet as they left. Soon, the water in the toilet bowl began to roil in the abandoned room. The ghoul had lost his first prey, but he understood that the two were likely to reappear. He needed to be ready.
The lavatory door opened and the ghoul materialized sufficiently to make his attack as soon as the door closed.
Fred and George entered together since Tonks had stressed the need for the ghoul to register the presence of two mortals. They were in this for the adventure, but instead of facing a grumpy ghoul who was more deaf than deadly, the twins faced a murky, smelly gob of ectoplasm whose icy tendrils were extending. They could feel the cold as if it were penetrating their very spine, but the ghoul had yet to touch them.
"Now!" yelled the twins in concert as they moved away from the door.
"Minimus." Tonks had the door reduced to palm size with a quick wave of her wand. She faced the ghoul and dodged the icy tendril he extended as she raised her wand again and yelled, "Defluo!"
The ectoplasm exploded as the ghoul disappeared. Molly and Sirius ran toward Tonks now but stopped short as they gagged on the fumes.
The Auror, still pristine, turned to them and said, "Sorry, I forgot to tell you to generate an impervious charm."
Molly Weasley did better than that. She aimed her wand with true purpose. "Scourgify!"
The mess disappeared immediately and the smell with it. Sirius shrugged his shoulders as he scanned the room and said, "Looks like I'm not needed. Oh, there's a spot. Evanesco."
"Molly, that is one wicked scourgify spell," said Tonks, truly impressed.
Molly stood beaming at the compliment, but soon she was frowning as she heard Ginny.
"Mum, Fred and George didn't disapparate in time!"
"Are they hurt?" called Molly as she raced down the stairs.
"Just stinky..."
Tonks turned to Sirius and said, "Why don't you go help Molly while I inspect for residuals and fix the door?"
"Molly can handle it. I think I need some peace and quiet. I'm going up to Buckbeak. I swear I'll never complain about his droppings again," muttered Sirius as he left.
Tonks smiled and entered the lavatory to approach the toilet. The face she could see on the cistern still held a menacing cast, so she considered rearranging the pattern after she checked for residuals. She closed her eyes as she bent over the toilet. Her spell would give her the history of the ghoul if she was patient.
The unwitting witch was lost in her spell when he approached. The temptation of human flesh was too much to bear. He reached out.
"EEEK!" Tonks yelled and turned to find Remus Lupin looking guilty as sin.
He was blushing and gritting his teeth as he said, "Sorry."
"Remus?" Tonks asked in disbelief. The sedate professor had just pinched her bottom.
"Tonks, do you need our help?" called Fred and George.
"No, I just bumped into the towel rack," asured Tonks. She flicked her wand to expand the door again so she and Lupin could have some privacy.
"I am so sorry, I don't know what came over me," said Lupin who now had his hand over his face. How could he explain the sudden impulse? "You were just, I mean your hip was thrust back, and, bloody hell, woman, you're doing it to me again."
"Professor Lupin," began Tonks sternly as she approached him. He was now standing with his hands in his pockets, shoulders slightly slouched, but had that air of innocence about him when he looked at her. She would bet anything he'd managed to get himself out of trouble with that look on several occasions.
Tonks cleared her throat and began again. "Professor Lupin, I think you need a quick lesson. Now, the proper way to greet your woman is with a kiss on the lips, not a pinch on the bottom."
Lupin figured he was off the hook when she put her hands around his waist and looked up expectantly. He leaned in to kiss her and thought it would be safe to put his arms around her. "Like this?"
"Mm, yes, that's fine. And if you were looking for Sirius, he's upstairs with Buckbeak."
"Yes, I was told he was here with you. I'll chat with him for a bit and be down shortly." Lupin turned to open the door, but stopped suddenly. "Now, wait one moment. Why are you allowed a random bum check when--"
"But I'm an Auror," reminded Tonks. "Random bum checks, chasing Dark Wizards and securing the premises of murderous ghouls is all in a day's work."
"Where was he hiding?" asked Lupin seriously. He had scanned the area for himself, but could detect no residuals.
"In the cistern." She waved her wand to erase the pattern carved into the oak.
"Like a ghost in the machine, eh?"
"Hopefully the only one."
But at that moment, the Grandfather clock struck the time of four o'clock. They looked at each other as they registered something sinister in the tone. Perhaps it was just their imagination. The scream they heard next suggested otherwise.
TBC
Author Notes:
Edited to fix the omission and the Mom to Mum. I'm usually more careful, so thanks for letting me know.
Happy Halloween!
This story is supposed to reflect the passage in Book 5 where Harry thinks about Tonks helping them get rid of a murderous ghoul in an upstairs toilet and Lupin helps them with a possessed Grandfather clock. The wording left some room to consider that Tonks and Lupin were present in the same afternoon, but instrumental in dealing with two different aspect of Dark Magic rather than separate days.
So here it is. There should only be two chapters in this with the next one dealing with the Grandfather clock. Should be posted within a week.
Defluo is not canon.
I have one more story after I finish this before I get back to exploring Lupin's Roman Wizard background, but it looks like I'll have to set it back toward Thanksgiving.
I appreciate the time you take to let me know you're reading, how the stories work for you, or just a note of encouragement to continue playing with the characters. Thanks for taking the time to review.
If you are new to the series, just hit Queriusole and it will take you to the rest of the stories in the list.