Holly paced the floor of her apartment, her hands shaking, a lump in her throat. It had taken her three hours of thinking and over-analyzing to decide what she was about to do. But really, deep down she'd known it was inevitable for awhile now. She had picked up her phone and scrolled to Will's name in her contacts what felt like a million times, but she knew this couldn't be done over the phone. She had to do it in person. She ran into her bedroom and began frantically looking for her purse, which was of course buried beneath the piles of dirty clothes. When she found it, Holly turned her black handbag upside down, not caring that all her stuff spilled out onto the floor. She fished her keys out of the mess of pens, notes, lipstick, packages of gum and bolted out the door.
It had been a week since he said it. They had come back from having a wonderful dinner at Breadstix and were laying on Will's couch, her back to his chest, his strong arms around her. They were content, and Holly felt happier than she could ever remember feeling. They'd been going out for a month. A month full of Will's surprise visits to Shawnee on his lunch break, bringing her long-stemmed red roses and a sack full of tacos. A month of slow dances in his living room, a month of laughter-filled karaoke sessions, a month of kisses that made Holly's head swim and her knees go weak. But surprisingly, even with her past full of experience, they hadn't gone much past kissing. The desire was ever-present, but they had agreed to take things slow, what with their shaky past relationships or lack thereof.
Holly felt Will's chin on top of her head and smiled. Then his lips were at her ear, kissing and nibbling, eliciting giggles from her. He pulled back and she could feel his eyes on her. She turned around and saw the inner struggle he was enduring, like he was trying to make a decision, but she didn't know what the problem was. "What is it, honey? What's the matter?" she whispered. "I...I love you, Holly." Will said quietly but confidently, looking her straight in the eyes with a depth of emotion she'd never seen from him. Love, she guessed that was it. And against what her heart wanted, against knowing that she was safe here, she felt her muscles tighten and her instinct to run away come rushing in. "I-I don't know what to..." she said, trailing off before Will interrupted her, alternating between speaking to her in hushed, comforting tones and kissing her forehead, her cheek, her lips. "No, no, sweetheart, you don't have to do or say anything. You don't have to say it back. Not until you're ready. And even that's never, if this is too much for you, then that's okay. Because I do love you. And your happiness is what's most important to me." Holly sat up a little, contemplating the situation at hand. What the hell was wrong with her that she just couldn't let this wonderful, kind, patient man love her, and that she couldn't love him back? She wished so badly she could change who she was. Yes, she was different now than she'd been three weeks ago, or since Will had first walked into the choir room where she'd taken over his job. But there was so much further for her to go, so much more damage to be dealt with and fixed. Will's gentle voice broke her out of her troubled reverie. "Holly? Are you okay?" "Yes" she managed to squeak out, before turning and wrapping her arms around him, laying her head on his chest. "I'm just sorry. Sorry that I can't say it back yet, and you deserve someone who can." she whispered, fighting tears. Why was she so emotional lately? She never used to be. "Shhh, shh. I don't want to hear any of that talk" Will said, tightening the hold his arms had around her. "You have nothing to be sorry about. I'm here, Holly. I'm in this for good and I'll wait. No matter how long it takes."
Holly thought about that night now as she drove across town to Will's house at breakneck speed. She'd at least had the presence of mind to think to text him and ask if he was home, which he was. He asked her why she had asked, and she said she was going to drop by. She didn't want to worry him, so she didn't say the dreaded "We need to talk" or "I have something to tell you".
She could have sworn her tires squealed as she came to a stop in his driveway. She felt like an idiot for running around and driving around like a maniac, but she knew she had to do this while her nerve was up. She quickly glanced in the rearview mirror, checking her hair and makeup before thinking "Screw it" and jumping out of her car, slamming the door shut and sprinting up to Will's doorstep. She had barely pushed the doorbell and he was there, opening the door with a confused and slightly alarmed look in his hazel eyes. "Holly? Babe, I heard your tires squealing all the way down the street, -what- is going on?" Holly quickly walked in past him, ignoring his questions as she began to start her pacing ritual - again - but this time in his living room which was considerably cleaner than hers. But hopefully this didn't take three hours to get out, like it had to decide to say it at all. "I...um. Well, um." Holly stuttered and stammered, stopping with each word she sputtered out, alternating glancing at Will who was growing increasingly worried, and the floor. He began to walk towards her, and she knew it was now or never. She practically flew into his arms, almost knocking him over with the force. "Whoa! Are you oka-" he began before she interrupted him, pulling back just enough so that she could look into his eyes, but still be in his arms. "I love you." she panted, feeling both terrified and exhilarated as she finally spoke those three words. "I-I do, I love you, I love you so much-" she continued, ecstatic at her new-found bravery before Will's mouth covered hers. He'd never kissed her like this before, and she would have been perfectly fine if he never stopped. The kisses continued until she felt wetness on her cheeks and realized she was crying. Will pulled back, taking her face in his hands. "What's wrong, honey?" he whispered, his own voice full of love. She bent her head, the tears flowing freely now, turning into choking sobs. She clutched the front of his shirt in her hands until her knuckles were white, as if she was holding on for dear life. "It's nothing - I'm just, I just want...I'm just so scared" she sobbed. "Of what, Holly?" Will implored, looking helpless. "Of myself." Holly whispered. "I'm scared I'll never be able to change who I was - who I've been. I'm scared I'll never be able to let you love me like you want to, or love you the way I should. I'm scared I'll run away again." She looked up from the button on Will's shirt that she'd been staring at and saw the pain in his eyes, the pain he had for her. If he could take all of her fear and hurt away, he would have done it in a heartbeat. "You don't have to be scared of anything, darling. We can do this, together. I love you and you love me, and that's all we need in this world, Holly. We'll get through it all. You don't have to run anymore. You're safe. Your heart is safe with me." She loosened her grip on his shirt, melting against him, comforted at his words and his touch. Maybe, just maybe Will was right. Maybe she could let herself go, and hold onto something different this time. This felt different than anything she'd ever experienced, it felt like home. She had been running for so long, subconciously searching for a place to belong, and Will Schuester had given her that. And Holly decided right then and there, in the arms of the Spanish teacher who had taken a chance on the girl who didn't believe in love, to take a risk and believe. To love and be loved.
After all of my running, I'm finally coming home.