Mending a Broken Wing
Summary: There's only a certain amount of unhappiness that a single person can handle before they decide to close themselves off. Sometimes all it takes is a single person to change the path of someone's life. This is a story about Touka and the many people that she's met throughout her life who have helped shaped her into who she is.
Note: Just a fan of Tokyo Ghoul borrowing the characters to write this fanfic. Thank you to all those who read this story!
xxxxx
She's 2 years old when her brother is born a couple of days after her own birthday. He comes into the world screaming and she startles from her nap - her tears begin not long after. After some cuddling with her father, she falls asleep on the bed beside her mother.
She is not cognizant but her fingers curl around those of her little brother protectively.
xxxxx
She's 5 when she stumbles upon a rabbit in their backyard. It's so white and fluffy that she can't help but hold her hand out to touch it.
The bunny shrinks back a bit at the abrupt motion but seems to recognize the pure intentions and so approaches her to nuzzle her palm. A sudden cry from her brother startles them and they hop quickly away.
"Ayato!" she cries out,"Shhh… you have to be quieter when you approach them."
She quickly scolds him before taking him along to look for the bunny.
Her parents find them a little while later staring wonderingly at a whole family of rabbits.
That Christmas she finds a stuffed toy bunny for her. Ayato gets one as well and they both can't contain their excitement.
"It's a toy bunny!" she squeals out in happiness, "Thank you otou-san and okaa-san! I'm going to name it Floppy."
It's the start of her love of rabbits, if only because she finds them really cute and cuddly.
Later on in her life she adds the fact that they are non-judgmental to the reasons why she loves them. It's also the last toy gift that she receives from her mother, Hikari, and serves as a reminder of happier days before tragedy hits them all.
xxxxx
She's 6 years old when her safety net begins to disintegrate.
It's chilly out so she's holding Floppy, it's getting late and her mother still hasn't arrived home. Her father is reading a book with her brother in his room. Normally Touka would join them but she feels too uneasy. It doesn't help that her father looks worried himself. Her only thought is that she's thankful that Ayato hasn't noticed anything amiss.
"Come home soon okaa-san", she whispers before falling asleep that night.
It's only 2 days later when she finds out that her mother won't be coming home anymore.
That night she clings to her remaining support system and cries. Ayato promises to become stronger so he can always protect her and her father, Arata, promises that he won't leave them alone. A bit later, as she lies underneath a blanket knit by Hikari with a sleeping Ayato, her father gives her a ring belonging to her mother. She stares at it with a mix of wonderment and sadness.
Etched in it are her parents' names. Her father gives her a sad smile as he hands it over to her.
"It's her wedding ring. She would have wanted you to have it."
She hugs her father vowing to treasure it forever. She can feel him shaking through the hug but she stays silent and pretends that she can't feel the hot tears falling on her neck. She's had to grow up quickly in the course of the past couple of days after all.
xxxxx
She's 7, almost 8 years old, when they move to another ward.
"It'll be a good change of environment", Arata tells them with a smile, "I think we'll be happy there."
She believes him and begins looking at life with hopeful eyes once more.
They become friends with the neighbors and Arata, ever the scholar, teaches them what he knows about how to fit into society. They learn how to cook and academics so that they won't be left behind if they ever decide to go to school.
One day, they stumble upon an injured bird and take them back home with them to nurse back to health.
Ayato, being the youngest, gets the privilege of naming them.
"Hey onee-chan, let's name him Chunta!" he says happily while the bird seems to chirp in agreement.
They make sure to find insects to feed him with and, for a while, their life is very peaceful.
If only it had stayed like that for longer.
A couple of months later, her father fails to return home after leaving during the night to collect some food for them. It reminds her too much of the situation with her mother and she realizes that she has been raising her hopes too high. Her thoughts run rampant, her emotions are everywhere and her head hurts.
Where are you otou-san? Please don't disappear like okaa-san. What do I do?
Outwardly she steels herself – she's the older sister and she'll protect and teach Ayato just like she promised.
She wraps her arms around her frightened brother.
"Don't worry Ayato! I'm sure otou-san will be back soon. Why don't we try reading the book together?" She gestures to one of their favorite books while trying to keep a calm composure, "We can surprise otou-san with how good we've gotten when he gets home."
Just like her mother, he never comes back home to them. Instead they are forced to flee from ghoul investigators. She's frightened and her kagune comes out for the first time that day. It's small but serves its purpose in protecting them. Her shoulder throbs as she runs with Ayato on her back but it's nothing like the pain she feels from the sudden disappearance of her father.
They hide out in an abandoned place for a week before deciding to head back to collect a couple of things. The area is surprisingly empty and she's glad that they freed Chunta before running away. She had believed that they would have surrounded the place or something but it's lucky for them. She doesn't pack much as they'll be traveling on foot, just some clothes, Floppy and her mother's wedding ring. Ayato doesn't bring much either.
As they look back for the last time Touka contemplates whether she'll ever find a place she can truly call home.
xxxxx
The next couple of years are spent traveling throughout the wards. She's said goodbye to her childish younger self and become tougher. There was no other way they would be able to survive otherwise.
For a while, they're known as the feared Kirishima siblings by other ghouls due to their excellent hunting prowess.
It's during this time that they attract a lot of attention. Some of it is rather unwanted especially when they bump into Tsukiyama, also known as Gourmet, one day during their rounds.
"Ah! Magnifique!" he spouts out all haughtily, "I have finally found you siblings. Ma belle, your iciness is a thing to behold."
He waves his hands around as he talks and Touka wants to smack him in the face for interrupting their search for a meal.
"Hah! What does that even mean?" she huffs out exasperatedly.
"Ah! Well I found this interesting book the other day and it was in the French language and…", he was rambling now, "…so I thought I'd try them out. The words looked quite elegant and to my taste. Did you know th-"
"Tch. I'm not interested at all - move out of the way you idiot!" By now all she wants to do is return home.
He fixes his attention on her and this irritates Ayato.
"Aneki, can we kill him?"Ayato asks.
She's not sure if he's serious or not but sometimes she wishes he had stayed that innocent boy who was scared of insects just a bit longer.
Nothing actually happens that day. Nor does it happen on any other day that they run into him thereafter. He always spouts similar lines in a foreign language and each time Ayato asks the same thing.
It's slightly unnerving that he seems a bit fixated on them. Ayato jokes that he's enamored with her icy personality and that's why he likes to piss her off. She scoffs and hopes that's not the case. She's never liked standing out too much and so she sincerely hopes that one day Tsukiyama will leave them alone for good. He attracts too much attention when sometimes all she wants to do is disappear.
xxxxx
She's 15 when she finally decides to settle into the apartment that old man Yoshimura, the manager of a cafe called Anteiku, provides for them. Ayato comes with her but is decidedly bored and nonchalant about it. He's gained more of an attitude but he's still her little brother.
One night she comes home and tells him that Yoshimura has offered to pay for their schooling if she works at Anteiku. Ayato declines of course but she can't help but remember her father and his love of knowledge. She decides to take the manager up on the offer and becomes a part time waitress. Ayato scoffs about it and sulks for days.
"School is not going to help us at all aneki, especially when it's learning alongside humans", he spits out the word like it's something disgusting," We have to get stronger and fight against them or else we'll be killed too."
"Ayato, I believe that this is what otou-san would have wanted for us." This much is true. They both know how much their father loved interacting with humans of similar interests.
She has trouble at first. Everything is so different from what she had imagined and it takes some getting used to.
An odd girl named Yoriko approaches her one day during their free study period.
"Hi! If you want you can study with me", she says with a bright smile, "Oh, but you don't have to of course."
She declines that day - she's still too wary of humans, even if it's what looks to be a harmless girl. Being a ghoul she knows not to judge a book by its cover and be deceived by an innocent appearance. After all, that's how many ghouls have been captured by doves.
This continues for a while until she finally gives in.
Exams are right around the corner and she hasn't had much luck with her literature class. Swallowing up her pride, she decides to be the one to approach Yoriko this time around. She's sure that Yoshimura-san will ask about her results and she doesn't want to disappoint him - particularly since he's been supporting them in terms of living arrangements and funding her education.
She tells Ayato that while she has exams she'll be coming home a bit later than usual and that she'll be studying with her classmate.
As expected he gets mad.
He doesn't take care to soften his words either.
"So now you're going to be playing friendly with the humans!? I let it go since I thought you'd come to your senses or at least keep your distance from them. Did what I say not get through to you at all?", he grinds out while shooting her an exasperated look, "You disgust me right now Aneki – they took otou-san and okaa-san away from us."
"I understand that Ayato but even at the end otou-san never hated them. He wanted us to be able to interact with all of the society including humans", she replies, "You know I'll be cautious. Just like you, I don't trust people very easily but I want to live a normal life - is that so wrong?"
He tsks and heads to his room while she resolves to talk to him again the next day after he's cooled down a bit.
Except he's gone by the time she wakes up the next morning.
At first she believes that he'll be back by the time she arrives home from school. It's not all that strange - he's done it before. They are siblings and after everything they've been through she can't imagine him leaving without a word.
She couldn't be more wrong. Days pass and she remains alone in the apartment.
She throws herself into studying and tells herself to worry about family matters later. Even though it's not easy for her, she knows that Ayato is a strong ghoul and can handle himself. Although she's aware of this, it doesn't stop her from worrying. Her frustration over the situation must appear on her face because Yoshimura-san and Yomo-san, another ghoul working for Anteiku, tell her that they'll update her with any news they find.
A couple of days later they inform her of a particularly vicious ghoul wreaking havoc in the other wards. Their sources have told them that it's Ayato. Not that she doesn't suspect it - the fighting style is way too familiar, especially since she's the one who taught him how to use his kagune in the first place. When she hears this she wants nothing more to hit him on the head for worrying her but at the same time she's relieved because at least he's alive.
With her mind a bit clearer she's able to meet up with Yoriko at the ward library for the last couple of days before the exam period. At first she feels a bit of guilt for attending the study group with her classmate (it's what had caused her argument with Ayato in the first place) but after talking to Yoshimura-san she realizes she can't hide away by herself forever.
She passes literature with an okay mark. She's not all that sad about it though, she's been under a lot of stress the past couple of days and it's a subject she's sure she's not going to pursue after graduating from high school anyways.
xxxxx
The months pass by in a blur. She's begun to live the normal life she's always wanted. Nobody at school is aware that she's a ghoul and so people treat her like she's one of them - a human. She's happy but at the same time she certain that this whole facade will end one day - it always does.
Now that her brother has left she doesn't like staying at home too much. Sometimes she still turns around as if to ask Ayato something before realizing that he's not there anymore. She leaves his nameplate by the door. She refuses to take it down in case he ever decides to come back.
Yoriko had noticed it one day when she had come over to study. When Touka had told her that the rest of her family had gone overseas for work Yoriko had had a sad expression of her face. Touka had ignored it – she hated being pitied, but ever since then Yoriko has always prepared meals for her.
"I'm aiming to be a chef one day", she had explained, " When I become famous you'll be able to say that you were one of the first people to try out my food!"
Even though the food tastes horrible to her, Touka still eats it. She can tell the amount of effort that Yoriko has put into making it. She supposes that they've become sort-of friends now. She's never had a friend before, and a lot of the time can still be quite snappy, but she's glad to have someone to talk to all the same.
Although she's sure that Yoriko also treasures their tentative friendship, the thought that she could one day be betrayed by said friend lingers in the back of her mind all the time.
xxxxx
She's 16 and she spends her birthday working and sparring with Yomo-san. The doves have been increasing their activity in the other wards and she thinks that it's only a matter of time before they arrive at the 20th ward. She needs to be prepared for that eventuality. Luckily her trainer is also an ukaku and gives her some useful fighting tips.
Yomo-san can be a very intimidating and always tends to observe others but she believes that he is inherently kind. He may be silent a lot of the time but she can't deny that he is a strong ghoul. She's never won a fight against him and that's why she is grateful that he's teaching her how to fight.
She's sure that knowing how to fight will be the only way to protect those she cares about. She knows that the doves will come for them someday and even though she's scared, she's determined not to stay idle.
She finds it ironic that her mask is in the shape of a rabbit considering they're pure animals who wouldn't even think of fighting but Yomo-san tells her that Uta-san, the mask maker, has a knack for making masks that match a ghouls' personality.
She scoffs at the idea of course; circumstances have molded her into someone completely different from whom she imagined she'd be when she was younger. Sometimes she doesn't even know who she is anymore. Maybe the girl of that time would have been worthy of the pure white rabbit mask.
It's as she's thinking like this that Yomo-san offers her a piece of advice.
"Follow your own path", he says, "Nothing is too late until you believe it to be so."
She finds comfort in the words and that night, for the first time in a long while, she has pleasant dreams of a world where she has a family again.
The next day, she's back to her sarcastic self but nobody's surprised. Sometimes change doesn't occur that quickly.
Other times though, a catalyst might be just around the corner.