Note: Contains spoilers for series one and series two, especially episode 2x03 "The Nightmare Begins."
Observant
Gwen had always prided herself on being observant. It was what made her a good maidservant, able to anticipate every need. A slight shiver of Morgana's shoulders sent her running for extra blankets; one glance at her lady's pale face and red eyes after the fire kept Gwen by her side all day, feeling helpless that she couldn't do more than watch as Morgana dozed fitfully.
So when she heard footsteps in the corridor that afternoon – a step lighter than Uther's and quicker than Gaius' that she recognised at once as Merlin's – she hurried to open the door, not wanting the noise to disturb Morgana.
And then she saw the flowers. And the way that Merlin's eyes kept darting over to catch a glimpse of Morgana. And, well, she hadn't expected that.
It shouldn't have surprised her, really. She remembered the first feast that Merlin had attended after he'd arrived in Camelot, and the way he hadn't been able to tear his eyes away from Morgana – although, to be fair, neither had anyone else that evening. And at one time, yes, Gwen might have been disappointed by Merlin's lack of interest, but so much had happened in the months since and she knew her own heart better now. Not that she was thinking about that.
Still, she couldn't help feeling a little disappointed that she had never noticed the true object of Merlin's affections. After all, she had always thought herself observant.
"I'll make sure she knows who they're from," she said, unable to stop herself from giving him a knowing smile as she accepted the flowers. But later, after she'd arranged them in a vase and set them on the table where Morgana was certain to see them upon waking, she couldn't help feeling sorry for Merlin, and for Morgana. She knew what it felt like to have the first stirrings of hope swiftly but inevitably dashed, and she didn't want to see her two dearest friends hurt.
But she didn't have a chance to speak to either of them about it. Morgana was a shadow of her normal self, listless and trembling and looking so frightened all the time that Gwen couldn't imagine troubling her with anything else. And she never had the opportunity to get Merlin alone before everything rapidly went from bad to worse.
Gwen knew that she was missing something in the days that followed, some small detail that would have helped her make sense of things – something that would have explained just how the Druids had managed to slip past the guards, and what was making Gaius look so anxious, and where Merlin had disappeared to when she knew that he hadn't gone with Arthur to rescue Morgana. Not that she had been watching, of course.
And then suddenly everyone was back in Camelot – Morgana and Arthur arrived together, and Merlin turned up as if he'd never been gone – and it seemed that everything was returning to normal. But that evening she found Merlin standing near the stairs that led to Morgana's rooms, looking as though he were deep in thought, and the little knot of worry that she'd managed to dismiss instantly returned.
Merlin looked up as he heard her approach. "Gwen," he said, smiling brightly.
"Merlin." Her own smile felt unsteady. "I wanted to talk to you."
He frowned in concern. "Is something wrong?"
"No, it's just." She glanced around; the corridor was empty, and they were alone. "It's about Morgana."
"You must have been so worried when she disappeared."
"I was terrified," Gwen admitted. She studied Merlin for a moment, narrowing her eyes at his guilty expression. "You went looking for her, didn't you? On your own, I mean."
He gave her an odd, questioning look. "What makes you say that?"
"Because I know you, and I know you'd do anything to help someone in trouble."
Merlin ducked his head, smiling a little, but he didn't deny it.
"Besides, I know that Morgana means a lot to you," she added. She paused, waiting for Merlin to deny it, but he merely nodded agreeably. "And I just wanted to say that I understand. I know how it feels to – well, to like someone, when you know it'll never work out."
Merlin was watching her warily. "This isn't – I mean, is this about the time we..." He trailed off, waving his hand in some strange gesture that she didn't understand.
"You know... kissed?" he finished awkwardly.
"Oh!" Gwen felt her eyes widen in alarm. "No, I – I think it's for the best, don't you? That we're friends, I mean, and nothing more."
He grinned suddenly, looking relieved. "Yeah, definitely."
"I only meant that sometimes there are certain… factors that will always keep two people apart, no matter how much they like each other," she said, looking away and toying uncomfortably with the edge of her apron.
She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder, and she glanced up to find Merlin giving her a sympathetic smile. "Like you and Lancelot, you mean?"
"What? No, I – well, yes, I suppose, but I didn't–" Gwen broke off, feeling more flustered than she had in a long time. She hadn't been thinking of Lancelot just now, except for the part of her that would always think about him, which was ridiculous because she'd probably never see him again, and why was it that she always fell for the wrong people?
But Merlin didn't seem to notice her embarrassment. He was still smiling at her, though he seemed more bemused than sympathetic now. "Did you and Arthur plan this? Because he just tried to give me advice about girls."
"Did he?" She tried not to sound too interested. "No, we haven't spoken at all." In fact, they hadn't spoken properly since the day after the tournament – not that she was thinking about that, or him, of course. "I just wanted you to know that I understand and that I'm here for you if you ever needed someone to talk to."
"Thanks, Gwen," he replied, seeming genuinely pleased by her offer. Gwen couldn't help but notice that he never once tried to deny his feelings for Morgana but she didn't want to press him any more than she already had. They stood together in the corridor for a long and silent moment, smiling rather awkwardly at each other before Gwen murmured something about needing to get back to Morgana.
"And I should probably go and face Gaius," Merlin said reluctantly. He caught Gwen's curious eye and shrugged rather guiltily. "I think he's still angry with me for, ah, something." He gave her one last smile and a wave before he turned away, but not without a final glance in the direction of Morgana's rooms, which didn't escape her notice.
Gwen sighed and shook her head. Sometimes she wished that she wasn't so observant.