A/N: Hello everyone. This is my first fanfic. I'm super excited. I wrote this cause I think it's unrealistic of Bonnie given everything that she has been thru not to have some sort of mental break. This is not plot driven, this is just my vision of her reaching her breaking point and speaking her truth. This is set sometime during S5 when Bons was the anchor. Please enjoy and happy reading.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. They belong to LJ Smith and The CW. No copyright infringement intended.
"Home sweet, lonely home." Bonnie whispered as she glanced around her dark house
She had decided to stay at her childhood home instead of on campus this weekend. She needed time to clear her head and process the array of feelings swarming inside of her. However, as she walked further into the house, she quickly realized it might have been a mistake coming home. There was nothing like being in an empty house.
Bonnie slowly made her way upstairs to her bedroom. Once inside she was welcomed by an all too familiar sight. There in the shadows stood a spirit looking to cross over.
"Just one night...just one night," her voice cracked "that's all I ask," Bonnie whispered to the unnamed spirit before taken hold of their hands.
Her body began to convulse in agony. Sweat dotted her hairline and her breath became hard. She cried out in pain not knowing how much more she could take. She finally collapsed to the ground, unconscious. Her body couldn't take anymore abuse today, it had given up.
When she had came to, anger and despair had taken ahold of her. She slowly rose from the ground and glanced about. When her eyes landed on the photos taped to her vanity mirror something in her snapped.
Bonnie quickly made her way to the photos snatching them off the mirror. She looked at them one by one.
"This is your fault," she said as she tore a photo of her and Elena to pieces.
She scattered the pieces on the floor and picked up a photo of her father. She gave a broken smile to the picture and began shredding it.
"I have nothing!" she roared
After all the pictures were destroyed, she stared at herself in the mirror. She didn't recognize the girl staring back at her. This was not her, this was a shell, an empty, empty shell. However, this shell was quickly filling with anger.
The sudden chime of her phone broke her out of her musings. She quickly glanced at the text and let out a dark chuckle.
"What would be will rip from me today, shit I don't think I have anything else." Her inner thoughts escaped her.
"The magical token black girl has arrived!" Bonnie stated as she walked into the boarding house.
She glanced at everyone's blank faces.
"Well not so magical anymore, I guess. So what can I assist you with today?" Bonnie rudely asked.
"Are you feeling alright?" Elena asked not liking Bonnie's tone.
"Yeah, you look a mess," Caroline piped in.
Bonnie looked down at her skin tight all black attire and shrugged. Her outfit matched her dark mood.
She took a seat next to Matt.
"Well, that was awkward. Thanks for showing up, judgey. Nice look by the way," Damon stated with an eye roll.
"You're welcome. You know how I love to help," Bonnie said sarcastically
"Can we get started, please," Stefan announced. He wanted to get this meeting done and over with.
"I agree. Sooo, who is after this hoe now. I'm guessing that's why you called this Scooby meeting...to save the precious Elena. We know you two are not doing it for the rest of us," said Bonnie.
Everyone was left speechless. No one could believe the loyal Bennett would make such a venomous statement about Elena.
"What the hell, Bonnie!" Elena screamed, jumping from the loveseat.
Bonnie causally cut her eyes to her. Elena's words were immediately stuck in her throat from one look from Bonnie. No one has ever looked at her with so much hatred and there were plenty of people that wanted to kill her.
Damon seeing the fright in Elena's eyes, flashed to Bonnie. He snarled at her to gain her attention. However, when her head lolled up to meet his gaze, he had to take a step back. The look in her eyes was one he was all too familiar with, the look said she had nothing more to lose. She could give two fucks and had no problem with ramming a stake through his heart. Damon didn't stand down. He'd be damned if he was going to show fright towards the former witch. Tossing aside any self-preservation he had, he stepped back into her personal space.
"I'll watch the words that come out our mouths when speaking to her." Damon snarled at Bonnie.
Bonnie let out a boisterous laugh. "Or what Damon, or should I say Stefan two point O. You won't do shit to me. You're too afraid of upsetting, Elena," Bonnie said, jutting her chin up.
As soon as the words left her mouth, Damon's face transformed. He wanted to rip into her throat the moment she called him Stefan 2.0, playing into his insecurities.
"I see you finally got your balls back." Bonnie gave him a once over before continuing. "Nah...nah you didn't. So go ahead and look at her. Get her permission to rip my heart out."
"Enough!" Stefan yelled finally intervening.
Both Damon and Bonnie's chest were puffed out from all the aggression swimming in their system. They continued to stare each other down effectively ignoring Stefan. It was until Caroline put a comforting hand on Bonnie's shoulder that the stand-off ended.
When Bonnie's eyes met Caroline's, she wanted to break down, but she be damned if she allowed them to see her crack. They were not worthy of her tears anymore.
"Sweetie, are you alright?" Caroline asked, turning to face her. When she was finally able to see her friend's face up close, she was shocked at what she saw. Bonnie looked liked she aged overnight, she had heavy bags under her eyes and her skin was extremely dull.
Bonnie scuffed "Do I look alright to you, Care. I'm so tired and in so much pain all the time but you don't give a damn."
"What do you mean in pain? What's going on, Bonnie? What happened?" An alarmed Caroline asked frantically. She ignored the ending of Bonnie's statement as she focused on the hurt look in her eyes.
Bonnie stepped back from Caroline when she felt tears forming in her eyes. She lowered her gaze and slightly shook her head. She was willing herself not to cry. No more tears for them.
She looked around at everyone. Her eyes then fixed on Elena. "You guys are what happened." She stated matter of factly. She then glanced to the Salvatore brothers.
Before anyone could speak up or refute her claim, Bonnie continued. "I have lost everything! I have no Grams, no father, no mother. But you all have that, well most of you."
She turned to look at Stefan. "I have saved your brother on numerous occasions because you begged and said you couldn't lose him no matter what. But where did that get you. A stolen girlfriend….maybe not stolen. She just couldn't keep her legs closed to your brother. One would think you would return the favor, but no, you flipped a coin. We all know how that turned out. I save your brother and you took my mother. But that's not the first family of mine you took. Grams lost her life to free Katherine for that pathetic waste."
Steely green eyes slide to met icy blue eyes.
"We all know how you feel, Damon. None of us mean anything to you. We're all disposable to you as long as you get to swim in the golden vigina. Is that shit that good where the rest of our lives mean NOTHING! to you. She looks a little vanilla to me. I guess all that matters is that you one up your brother."
Her eyes then darted over to Elena. "I died for you! I have no family left now. And for what? What did I gain?"
Everyone was speechless, not knowing what to say. They simply stared at her in pity.
"No one has an answer to why I lost everything, I see." Bonnie chuckled, shaking her head.
Elena finally stood up and approached Bonnie. "We all lost something in this…"
Before she could make this about her own suffering, Stefan interrupted her. "You're right, you have lost everything. It wasn't for nothing though. It was for your friends, for the people that you love."
"Unbelievable!" Matt yelled, jumping out of his seat. "It was for nothing! She lost her whole family for what? For her friends, for us? The same people that didn't know that she was dead all summer long? We are worthless."
Hearing Matt's declaration, tears began to stream down Bonnie's face. It was the first time in a long time that someone truly stood up for her. She gave Matt a sad smile.
"I love you, Matt. You're one of my best friends. You too, Care. But the truth is...I'm all alone. I have lost everything without a second thought from the rest of you. How much more can I lose. I have nothing to give you, my magic is gone. There is nothing else that you guys can take, maybe my soul, but I think you guys have taken that to."
Bonnie wiped her tears away and looked deeply at everyone in the room before walking out of the boarding house.
Caroline, Elena, and even Matt were left in tears at the state of their friend. How can they be so wrapped in themselves not to notice how much pain Bonnie was in. She was always good at hiding her emotions, they had grown up with her, and still the couldn't tell when she was hurting. She had always been there for her friends and they let her down, time, and time, again. They didn't give back half of what she'd given them. Now it seems they may have lost her.
Damon's eyes were transfixed on the path Bonnie took out the boardinghouse. They accomplished something he didn't think was possible, they had broken the little witch. Bennett was the strongest person he knew. She never backed down from a fight and was willing to fight to her last breath. She was one of the only people besides his brother that he actually respected. Elena didn't even have half of his respect.
He was disrupted from his thought when he heard Stefan speaking.
"Maybe Caroline...and Matt, should go check on her. Elena you should stay here. She seems to have an issue with you as well as Damon and I."
"I'm going too. I deserve it." Elena demanded "She is my best friend as well."
Stefan rolled his eyes at Elena's conceit. "Elena...this incident is literally because of you. Let them go and when the they give you the go ahead then you can go."
"No," Damon said rejecting Stefan's plan. He headed to the wet bar to pour himself a needed drink. His guilt was slowly surfacing from all the abuse Bonnie had suffered by his hands.
"What do you mean no? No we don't check on her or Elena should go?" Caroline asked, irritated.
"What would checking on her do now, Blondie? It's too late. Maybe give her some space and let her cool down." Damon glared.
"You're suggesting we prove to her more that we don't give a damn. You might not care but I do."
"Unfortunately...he's right, Care. Let's just shoot her a text and see her in a few. Crowding her space is not going to accomplish anything, it'll just further irritate her," Matt said, trying to be the voice of reason.
Slamming his glass on the wet bar, Damon spared the group one final glowering glance before retreating to his room.
A loud bang on the front door in the middle of the night woke Bonnie from her semi-peaceful slumber. After purging her emotions to everyone, she was able to get some of the best sleep of the last few months. Dread was slowly taken over her peaceful state as the banging continued.
Throwing the blankets off of her, an annoyed Bonnie jumped out of bed and marched down the stairs. When she reached the door, she took a deep breath to calm her nerves. She was not ready to face any of her friends tonight. She didn't want to see the hurt look in their eyes due to the hurtful things that she had said to them. She didn't want to feel even more guilty than she already was for speaking the truth.
Slowly opening the door, she came face to face with the blue-eyed devil himself.
"So...came to finish me off now that Elena's not around," Bonnie said, smiling.
"Haha real funny Bennett. Elena will get over it. I killed her brother, and she still dated me."
"That's pathetic of her," Bonnie said rolling her eyes.
"Hey, it works in my favor. But truthfully….I'm here to see how you are. I keep reply your little "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" scene in my head and I wanted to make sure I don't have to keep one eye open at night."
"Really….and you needed to do it in the middle of the night like a creeper. I guess I'm alright, no need for you to keep a weapon on your bedside table. You can go now and let the others know."
"They don't know I'm here. I wasn't trying to make a big production of checking on you. It would be awkward trying to explain why," Damon said barely above a whisper. He didn't want to come across too caring.
Staring into his eyes, Bonnie suddenly felt a kindred spirit in him. He knew what is was like to be lonely, and not cherished. No one was risking their lives for him either.
Sighing, Bonnie stepped out of the doorway and made her way to the steps. Sitting down, she looked at the clear night sky above her paying no real attention to Damon staring at her.
"I'm so tired." Bonnie took a long breath before continuing. "worn out...Since you and your brother strolled through town, my life has done a one eighty…I want to go back to being...blissful, and naïve to the supernatural bullshit. Don't you ever get tired of it?" Bonnie finally graced him with a look.
"Everyday. We're just fighting to live. That part does suck. I don't know if I would give it up. It comes with being a supernatural. I like being this eternal stud of a vampire."
"Do you really? Like being who you are.? Bonnie asked skeptically.
"Not who but what I am. I couldn't be human even if it meant peace." He finally got enough courage to sit next to her on the steps.
"I don't know who or what I am anymore. I was a witch with every fiber of my being. It gave me life and it was ripped away from me. But it was the cause of my problems, I lost everything because I was a witch. I got used for the magic flowing through my veins."
"We did take advantage of you, mostly Stefan and I. We're selfish asses, all of us really. They care about you, but our own bullshit got in the way."
"I want to blame you and Stefan but can I really? No. You two were never truly my friends."
"What do you mean, never your friends? You hurt my feelings, judgy." Damon frowned, interrupting her.
"Shut up. You know we hate each other." Bonnie laughed. Her laughter caused him to smile. He couldn't remember the last time he heard her laugh.
"Like I was saying before you interrupted me. My friends, the people I view as my family abandon me. We grew up together, they know everything about me, but they forgot about me. I've been suffering alone. I'm lost."
"You're right, they did. They're shitty people. Just means now you need to be selfish, think about yourself. No more sacrificing yourself for us assholes." Damon nudged her shoulder with his, trying to get her attention. When her eyes met his, he continued. "No more."
All she could do was nod her head as she thought about what selfish truly meant to her and if she could really do it. Could she see herself say no when her friends lives were on the line. At this point it didn't even matter, she would have to learn. She was being driven insane with the self sacrificing.
"Yeah, no more. I deserve better. It's going to be hard, really hard. I feel like running away." Bonnie said lightheartedly when the truth of the matter was, she would have to leave. She wasn't strong enough to say no now or ever.
Lifting himself off the steps, he turned to face Bonnie one last time. Damon felt that this would be his last time seeing Bonnie. He let his eyes soak in the sad shell of a person that now sat before him. She looked liked she carried the world on her shoulder the way her shoulders slumped. Her skin and hair were dull and lifeless. The light had went out of her pretty green eyes.
"Goodbye and I hope you find a new you," Damon said softly as he absorbedly watched her looking up at the sky.
Before he could make it to his car, Bonnie stopped him. "Why did you come here? What was the reason for your pep talk?"
"I didn't want all my hard work bringing you back from the dead to go to waste. There was going to be no offing yourself under my watch." He smirked. The true reason he came was that she was a mirror of himself, of the loneliness he felt. The little witch was too good of a person to feel such loneliness and pain.
An ear to ear smile crept across her face at hearing those words.
"Goodbye...Damon," Bonnie said before going back into her house for the last time.
A/N: Thanks for reading and please leave a review or comment but be nice.