Food Fight!

By: the female apophis

Disclaimer: I don't own them, wish I did, but I don't. So don't sue me. This story is purely for the entertainment of the fans.

Spoilers: Not this time, sorry! Okay, so I lied. It does have a slight one for Brief Candle.

Rating: PG-13. Just to be on the safe side

Archive: Sure, just ask me.

Pairings: S/J later on

Type: Romance/Humor

Summary: During a feast, our favorite team gets into a little trouble. Told from Jack's POV.

A/N: Okay, this work is the result of something a friend of mine said. I hope you guys like this. It really didn't take me that long to write thanks to my muse. Her name is Tracy. Anyway, you know the drill. Plz R&R!

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"Welcome to our planet. You and your team are most welcome here Colonel."

It's the same thing every time. Nice new world, nice folks, not a whole heck of a lot to look at. Well, that is, from my point of view. Daniel just finds all of this fascinating. Carter even looks bored on this one. Ha, that's what you get for getting too involved with the Naquadah reactor.

She's looking at me. Not that that's really that odd, I just can't believe that she's looking at me. She has this smile on her face. She probably knows exactly what I'm thinking. I smile back. What else is a guy to do in this situation? Run for cover? I think not!

Right, start following the nice alien dude. One foot in front of the other, there ya go. She's laughing at me...again. We've finally gotten back to that point. We're not afraid of each other any more. I think Hammond knows, but he has the decency not to say anything. He's a good guy.

What's Danny going on about? Pretend that you're listening. Good, he believes you. Well, he's pretending to believe me. He knows I zone out. Hell, I do it to Carter too.

Butterfly!

Sorry, where was I? Oh, right. I was talking about Carter and me. I would like nothing more than to kiss her, just once.

Okay, we're at the place now. It appears to be some sort of dining hall.

Okay, we're sitting at some tables. Food is being brought forth. Wait, we're supposed to eat? Okay, I am soooo not going there. I really don't want a Kythnia repeat. Now, if Carter was doing the dancing, hell yeah. But otherwise, I am sooo not eating.

Danny, on the other hand, appears to not care. He's eating the food; come to think of it, so are Carter and Teal'c. Ah, what the hell. If I wake up tomorrow, and I have a woman clinging to me, I won't say anything. It'll be all my fault. I admit to it now.

We've been eating for a while now. The food seems to just keep coming. I'm still trying to figure out where to put the food I have now, when this guy plops more onto my plate. I look up at him and scowl. He scurries away.

Carter has an amused look on her face. I notice that she barely has any food on her plate. Apparently she told the people right off that she wasn't very hungry. Now why didn't I think of that?

The head dude is standing up. He has food in his hand. He aims the food and throws it.

At me.

You do realize, this means war.

Carter just looks at the guy. When I raise my eyebrows at her, she slowly stands up. She then picks up some food, and throws it at Teal'c.

"FOOD FIGHT!"

Man, Danny has a set of lungs on him. I barely have time to register the thought before I have to duck from on coming food from Teal'c. That man has a good arm.

People all over the place are turning over tables as a means of cover. I find myself doing the same thing. Carter quickly joins me. It's just the two of us. I can't help but smile at our position. She looks at me and smiles as well. I'm temporarily blinded by it.

Back to the task at hand. Carter has grabbed some serious ammo and has already begun to use it. She's also using some of the food being thrown as ammo. She's good. Apparently she's done this before.

After a few minutes, we both notice that we're running a bit low on ammo. Carter looks at me with a 'cover my six' look. She then gets down on all fours and slowly starts crawling towards the kitchen. I have to catch myself from staring too much. Damn, that woman has a nice ass.

Right, okay that's just wrong. Danny, stop dancing like that. Oh, wait, he's just dodging food. Ha, dodge that! SCORE! And he goes down, while the crowd goes wild.

Carter's back, and she soooo has ammo. Lot's of it too by the looks of it. I smile, raise my eyebrows, and then pick up some food and chuck it at some random place. I hear the disappointed cry that comes as my food finds a target. Then I hear another one as Carter's finds one as well.

After a little while, the fight starts to calm down. Finally, it's down to me, Carter, Danny, Teal'c, and the leader guy. With little effort Sam and I take down Danny and the leader. Woah, wait a minute, I just called her Sam didn't I? Dammit, I was hoping I hadn't, but oh well. Looks like her first name has now conquered me brain. What can I do?

After much struggle, Carter and I finally manage to take out Teal'c. It's now down to the two of us.

I find I can't throw anything at her. She seems to be suffering a similar dilemma.

After what seems an eternity, she picks up a piece of cake and smears it all over my face. I quickly pick some up and do the same thing to her. Then, something really unexpected happens.

Our tongues seem to be doing battle with each other. For some reason, I don't want to stop. Judging by the noises Sam's making right now, I don't think she wants to either.

"Jack...oh hey, woah, sorry guys, didn't mean to interrupt anything there."

"Daniel!"

Sam looks up at him. He quickly scurries away. She leans in towards me once more. But this time when we kiss, it's slower, and more tender. I like this just as much as the more heated one we shared a few minutes ago. She seems to feel the same way.

After a few minutes, we pull apart and out forehead's rest against each other's.

"What do you say we get outta here? I think we're supposed to check in with Hammond in a few minutes again anyway."

"Actually, we're due back home in about an hour. We should probably say a few things to the chief before we head out."

"Sure."

She looks at me and smiles again. I can't help but smile back.

We quickly set up some diplomatic ties with the chief, and then we head towards the 'gate. Daniel and Teal'c keep walking quite a distance ahead of us. At one point Sam grabs my hand and holds it for a little while. I give it a small squeeze, and in return get a small squeeze back.

Okay, Danny just activated the 'gate and we're all stepping through now. Hammond's waiting at the bottom of the ramp. He has this smile on his face. He looks as though he has some good news for us.

He sends us down to the infirmary. After the doc checks us out, we head to the showers. Carter somehow manages to get there first, and therefor gets to get washed up first. After about fifteen minutes, she's out and on her way to the briefing room. About twenty minutes later we all join her.

We describe, in great detail, exactly what happened on the planet. Hammond looks like he could bust out laughing at any moment. Hell, I don't blame him. We did leave out the little Carter and me making out thing. Don't really want to get in trouble.

Okay briefing is now over. What the general wants to talk to Sam and me? Okay, we're following him.

We're sitting to the general's request. He's handing us each envelopes. We're opening the envelopes. Carter reads so much faster than I do. What is she gasping about? Oh, that. Wow. Okay, I so don't know what to say right now. Standing up. Fighting the urge not to hug the general.

Give in to urge and give the general a big bear hug. He seems a little shocked but hugs me back.

Okay, Sam gets a really big hug. When we pull apart, she has this big grin on her face.

"Jack, I'm giving you three weeks off. I suggest you use it wisely."

I nod at the general. He has no idea. Sam smiles at me, and we walk off to her lab together. She turns off the scary looking computer stuff and then we head to the surface.

Twenty minutes later we're standing at her door, and she looks up at me like a girl does to a guy she just went out on the first date with. Oh crap...does this mean I'm gonna have to give her a goodnight kiss? Not that I'm complaining if it does...but still.

Okay, it seems Sam has other plans right now. She's pulling me into her house. We're going to the couch. She's straddling me. Her tongue is sooo in my mouth.

Okay, how did my hand get there.

Wait, why'd you stop? Oh, doorbell. Dammit!

She's going to get the door. Must pull self back together. Must hide self.

Down boy!

I said DOWN boy.

Good boy.

"Jack, I wasn't expecting to see you here. Was I interrupting something?"

"Not exactly. Come on in dad. Have a seat. You want something to drink?"

"No thanks Sammie, I just wanted to talk to Jack for a minute if that's okay."

"Sure, I'll be out in the garage. I'm sure the bike could use some work."

After she leaves, Jacob comes over and sits next to me. He looks...different.

"Jack, when do you plan to make a move on my daughter?"

Straight to the point I see.

"Woah, what? Jacob..."

"It's a simple question Jack. Are you planning on it anytime soon?"

"Actually, we're going up to my cabin sometime really soon."

He looks shocked. I don't think he thinks I'm serious.

"You are?"

"Yeah, I'm sure she'd love to go. I just have to ask her."

"Ask who what?"

Ah, she has arrived.

"I wanted to ask you if you wanted to go fishing with me."

"Sure, I'd love to. When do we leave?"

"Tomorrow, say at 0900?"

"Okay, I think I can do that. Jack, would you like anything to drink?"

"No thanks Sammie, I'm good."

Jacob is just staring at us. Well, we are acting like a married couple. Hey, when did that happen?

"Uh, Sam, something you wanted to tell me?"

"Not off the top of my head. Why do you ask?"

"I was just curious to know why all of the sudden you and Jack are acting like a married couple."

"Cause, we're dating."

Okay, we're both staring at her now. Me with a big stupid grin on my face, and her dad with a shocked look on his face.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Yeah, we're dating. Didn't the general tell you? The president said it was okay."

"Reeaallly?"

Oh, he sounds just slightly sarcastic. Actually he sounds kinda like me.

"Yeah. Do you have a problem with that?"

"Not really. Should I?"

"No." I answer. By the nod of her head, Sam agrees with me.

"Okay, well, I have to get back to the base. I gotta talk to Daniel. You kids enjoy your downtime."

"We will, thanks dad."

"Yeah, thanks dad." I give him a cheeky smile before he turns to leave.

He just smiles and shakes his head. I'm not sure he really knows what to say. He quietly leaves and then hops into the car and heads off.

Okay, now I don't know what to do. Sam's standing there and looking at me expectantly. I softly cross to her and pull her into my arms, content with just holding her there. She seems to feel the same.

"Listen, Sam, I'm gonna have to go. I gotta get some stuff ready so we can leave early tomorrow."

"Are you coming back?"

"When would you like me to."

"As soon as you're done tonight." She says it so softly I almost don't catch it.

"I'll cook." She looks up at me with a perplexed look on her face.

"Why would you want to cook? Isn't that kinda my job Jack?"

"Only if you can cook."

"What are you making?"

"Now that's something you'd like to know isn't it?"

"What, you're not gonna tell me?"

"Nope."

"Fine. Be that way!"

"Alright then, I will!"

We smile at each other. As I turn to go she pulls me back to her and gives me a light kiss.

"I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Don't take too long."

We smile again, and then I'm off. I whistle the whole way home.

Okay, I'm pulling into her driveway now. It's almost dark, and there isn't a single light on. God, I hope she hasn't had to leave. I found everything I need, and wouldn't it be just my luck that she had to go back to the base?

I'm walking up to the door, and she opens it. Guess she isn't at the base after all.

As I step in I immediately notice the warm vanilla and black cherry smell wafting through the room. Man, she has a lot of candles. Where did she get all of these things?

Dinner is now served.

I must myself say that this is excellent. I made this chicken and rice thing that Sara showed me once. It has soup, and rice, and broccoli in it. Sam really seemed to enjoy it.

Looks like Sam made dessert. Seriously! Even though she can't cook, she can bake. She's made some sort of pie thing.

Ooh, It's good.

What's with the whip cream? Ah, never mind. She's pulling me to the bedroom, and she's bringing the cream with us. Sweet!

She tastes good. Really, really, good.

What? Round four? Okay, if you insist.

I think we're both pretty much exhausted right now. She's lying in my arms; with really big grins on our faces, we drift off to sleep.

I think this is gonna get really good.

Okay, it's been almost a year since Sam and I started dating. Our anniversary is in two days. I have everything planned out, and thank god for Janet and Daniel. I really couldn't have pulled this off without these two.

The plan is, Janet, Cassie, and little Gwen (the newest edition to the Jackson/Fraiser family) are gonna take Sam off shopping for the day. Oh, didn't I tell you? Janet and Daniel got married just before Sam and I got together. Cassie needs some new stuff, and of course, Gwen always needs new stuff.

While their gone, Danny and I are gonna fix the house up some.

What I've failed to tell anyone yet, is what I'm gonna do for Sam.

I'm gonna ask her to marry me.

Okay, candles set, wine is chilling and breathing, and the dinner is ready to be served. Sam is down in the bedroom changing.

She looks amazing. That dress is absolutely gorgeous. I tell her as much. She smiles in thanks and then we sit down to eat.

After dinner is over I lead her over to the couch, and I sit across from her on the coffee table.

I take her hands in mine and look right into her eyes. They sparkle in the low light produced by the candles. The light glints in her hair as well. Her soft smile makes my heart skip a beat. I take a deep breath, and then continue.

"Sam, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

She looks so trusting. God, I love her so much.

"Sam, I don't ever want you to leave me. I've loved you from the moment I met you, and nothing would make me happier than if you became my wife."

She just looks at me and smiles. Then she utters one syllable.

"Yes."

As we make love far into the morning, I can't help but realize how great of a team we make. I also can't help but realize that I am going to enjoy every moment that I spend with this woman, 'til death to us part.

I also can't help but smile at the memory of how all of this got started. By that simple food fight back on some planet. Right now, I'm thanking that leader for throwing the mashed potatoes at me.

~fin~

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"DON'T EAT YOUR FOOD DAMMIT!"-Allie Matthews (a friend of mine)