Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Except the plot, and the characters I made up…but I want Harry Potter! Wah!

Chapter I

"What do you mean, 'no'?" Bellatrix shrieked.

"I mean no! Nay! Nein!" Voldemort replied. "For the last time, Bellatrix, I do not love you!" It wasn't the first time they'd had this argument. It always began with Bellatrix asking He-Who-Loves-His-Snake-More-Than-Women if he loved her. Every time, she expected him to say yes. And every time, she became manically enraged when he said no.

"Then why have you been leading me on for all this time?" She asked, on the verge of tears.

"I haven't!" He said, exasperated. "I filed a restraining order against you, for crying out loud!"

"But you didn't complain when I AK-ed the lawyers!" Voldemort shook his head.

"You…are…COMPLETELY INSANE!" He growled.

"You say that like it's news." Lucius said appearing in the doorway. "Honestly, Milord, she's been in St. Mungo's three times already!"

"That last time wasn't my fault." She scowled. She was sick of people making jokes about her sanity - or lack thereof, as it were – especially people with better hair than her. Regardless of all the therapy she'd been to, she still felt self-conscious about her hair, especially when she was being compared to a man who spent 2 hours every morning to make his hair look like Hannah Montana's.

"You know what you need, Bella?" Lucius said, flipping his Barbie-girl hair over his shoulder. "A break. Why don't you go to Ocean City?" Suddenly, there was a loud crash, and they heard Draco swear loudly from the other room. Lucius Montana lowered his voice.

"Why don't you take Draco with you? Who knows, the fresh air might rid him of his teen angst." And it'll get him out of the house, he added silently.

"Oooh! Sounds like fun!" Bella giggled, forgetting her previous negative thoughts.

"Excellent idea, Lucius!" Voldemort said happily. "Have a biscuit." He took out his wand. "Accio biscuit!"

Snape, who just so happened to pass by at the exact moment a large biscuit came flying through the air, rolled his eyes.

"Whatever happened to 'Punishment works better than reward, and even If it doesn't, it's more fun'?" He asked. Voldemort scowled.

"Take Little Sevie Cynic with you." Little Sevie Cynic looked at his master questioningly.

"Come on, Sev! We're going on a field trip! Road trip! Vacation! Holiday! Ferien! WEEEEEE!" She stole Lucius' biscuit and ran off, screaming Draco's name and giggling maniacally.

"Great…" Snape said.

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