Chapter 1

Plan 9 from the Writers

..I don't own anything...

In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories.

-chung chung-

...Okay, to mix things up, we're gonna skip the first part of the episode and move straight on to the opening music.

Play opening music.

Benson: Hey, wait a minute. How come we don't get cool music like Criminal Intent does? I mean, we're the highest rated Law & Order of the entire franchise, and we're stuck with the loser intro music?

Stabler: Don't try to understand, Olivia. We're just lowly... whatever we are.

Benson: Oh come on, that 'new' opening for Criminal Intent was from Trial By Jury! That's like saying TBJ never existed!

Stabler: Come on, Olivia, we have to let the show get started.

Benson: I dunno, Stabler. This doesn't just doesn't seem right. I mean, doesn't this break the law of not using opening songs from other tv shows on your own show?

Stabler: You know that only Japanese anime follows that law. Besides, who's going to enforce it, the theme song police?

Benson: It's too bad TBJ got canceled.

Stabler: What, do you want to use the Conviction theme song? They got canceled too!
Benson: No, no, that's okay.

The rest of the SVU squad: GET ON WITH IT!

Benson: Eep!

-chung chung-

The Awesomely Cool World of the Writers
Time and Date Incomprehensible to Mortals

"So, we need to shake up the Law and Order SVU story. We've alienated our fans by getting Elliot back with his wife. Have any ideas?" The higher up writer for SVU asked his slightly lower compatriot.

"Well, I was thinking, since we've been working really hard recently to reignite the whole Elliot/Olivia pairing and then completely destroyed it by having Elliot get back with his wife, I was thinking, well, why don't we appeal to all the other pairings as well? We should do a mass orgy with all the past and present main characters."

The higher writer looked stunned. "Are you crazy? We wouldn't be allowed on TV after that! Think of what the parent's groups would say!"

"I know, I know, but, this show airs after 10pm, so obviously it isn't for little kids! And besides, it would help our ratings. Other shows have had trans-gendered characters, so why can't we have a huge orgy?"

The higher writer stopped to think. "That's a good point. I like the orgy. How would we fit that in the story?"

"I was thinking we'd have a dream sequence, and-"

"Hold on." The higher writer said, stopping the lower writer. "A dream sequence? What do you think this is, a soap opera or something?"

"Oh, give me a break. We've been having voice-overs by the characters, and we even saw from Elliot's point of view when he was in the hospital after that schizophrenic poked him. So, I figure eventually SVU will have dream sequences and flashbacks, so, why not jump the gun and start now?" The lower one replied.

"Flashbacks huh?... I thought we'd leave that stuff to Cold Case... Well, okay, sounds good to me. So we'll make this orgy thing a dream sequence?"

"Yeah, and we have to get all the old main characters that have been kicked off and sent to the void to be in this thing too."

"Er, okay. Sounds like a plan. Get that plan to lowly writer in the cell 85, he's been complaining about those voice-overs."

"Will do!"

-chung chung-

SUV Squadroom

Olivia felt a shiver run down her spine, and she stopped writing and shivered.

"Hey, are you okay?" Elliot asked.

"Yeah, yeah. I just had this horrible feeling I was going to do something I really regret later." Olivia said, and continued working.

-chung chung-

SVU Squadroom
One day after the dream sequence

"Hey, where is everyone?" Huong asked, coming into the squad room.

"Yeah, I have no idea what's going on, but everyone called in sick, so I guess I'm in charge today." Generic office person replied. "And Generic detective 1, 2, and 3 are going to be working with us today."

"Okay." Huong replied. "I had the strangest dream last night... on second thought, I'm calling in sick too. See ya."

-chung chung-

To be continued

Lines from next week's episode:
"I feel so emo!"
"I'm Canadian, eh?"
"DIE LOG DIE!"