I open my eyes and try to blink the sleep away. I turn over to see my alarm clock on my nightstand. It was barely 4:15. 'Not again.' I thought to myself. 'I am never gonna have any energy for practice if I keep doing this.' After about five minutes of starring at the ceiling I decided I was never gonna get back to sleep. So instead I got up and headed to the restroom. 'Your a very strange girl you know that. Those dreams are not normal.' I turn on the water and start to undress. I made sure to turn on my radio next to my sink before stepping into the shower. I end up wasting a good ten minutes just standing there letting the warm water hit my head and back. 'Why do I keep dreaming about them? Or even about her? This isn't normal.' It takes me another twenty minues to finish. I sit on my bed with just my towel covering me and open up my laptop.

Entry 226:

Another dream about the cheerios. Another dream about Rachel Berry. It happened just like the other nights. I am doing a routine with the cheerios but I am out of focus. All I can do is stare at the other girls. And then out of no where the uniforms are gone and all the girls are doing the routine naked and based around me. And once its done Rachel is in the stands clapping and rushes down to great me. She throws her arms around me and we start to make out. This doesn't make sense to me. Why do I keep dreaming about her? about any of them? She is a loser and they are all girls. What is wrong with me? I should be dreaming about Puck or Finn or Mike or even Dave. But no instead my stupid head keeps having these dreams. Its unacceptable. I can't be gay. Can I? What am I going to do? What if these dreams really mean that I am like girls? No this cannot be happening to me. My family would never accept it. My sister would never let me accept it. This is Ohio there are no lesbians here. And how am I going to look any of them in the eye at practice today? Maybe I need to get my brain checked. Ill keep you updated computer.

I close my laptop and put on my uniform. I look at the clock again. 5:10. Its late enough now that if I make noise no one will mind. I begin to blow dry my hair when my sister walks in. "Hey loser you almost ready? Morning practice starts at 5:30 for you and I have to finish my homework in the library while you tumble." She says walking straight to my vanity and starring at her own reflection. She is so in love with herself it is annoying. "I'm ready just let me get my bag." "Well hurry up I don't like to be kept waiting." I rolled my eyes. 'Maybe if you did your home work the night before like your suppossed to instead of off fucking some jock you wouldn't have to worry about getting it done in the morning.' As I walk out the door I pull my hair up into a pony tail. Coach would kill me if I kept it down. We arrive at school just in time. "Alright you lazy plastic barbie dolls I have things to do so warm ups and then Santana will show you the new routine. I want it to be absolutly perfect do you understand? Becky will let me know if any of you slack off. So get to work I want all of you to sweat!" Caoch Sue walks off and Santana gets that Bitchy smirk on her face. 'Great now I have to deal with her.' We all get into position to start stretching. I see Ali jogging up to me and I smile at her. We set up and start supporting each other for the stretch excercises. "I am so glad you came. I thought for sure you were gonna bail and I'd be stuck alone again. You didn't get here early like normal." She scowls at me. "Yea I know I got distracted this morning." I look over to my right and see Santana and Brittany stretching together. Santanas leg on Brittanys shoulder. They kept smilling at each other and giggling. "Is it just me or do they seem just a little to close?" I ask Ali. "What do you mean?" "Well just look how they act together. They are always giggling and smiling at each other and holding hands in the halls." She looks over at them shrugs and then back at me. "We do that to. They're just friends." I look back at them. "I don't think so I think something is going on between them." She just laughs. "You think to much you know that." I shrug it off and continue stretching. Practice seemed like a blurr. I really didnt have much energy. At lunch I felt like I was going to pass out. "Why so glum bubble gum?" Ali said as she sat next to me with her food. "I'm not I just feel so sleepy. I haven't been sleeping very well lately." She offers me her water and I take it with a smile. "You know BB if somethings bugging you you can talk to me right." I nod and smile at her again. "I know thanks." Lunch went on and I managed to half way pay attention to the conversations around me in case someone tried to talk directly to me. Thankfully no one did. The day went on and I was still tired. I heard the final bell ring and I ran trying not to be late to my last class. "Hey Santana why don't you just come out of the closet?" My eyes open in shock. I turn around and see Finn closing the gap. 'Oh my gosh I shouldn't be hearing this. this isn't any of my buisness.' I rush to get away trying not to look Santana in the eyes as I pass her. 'Santana Lopez is gay? What there is no way. Can today get any weirder?' I try to focus but nothing my english teacher was saying was getting through my head. All I could think is I wasn't alone. The bell rang ending the day for most students. I really didn't want to practice. 'What do I do if I see Santana? What would I say to her? Should I say anything?' Half way to the foot ball feild someone taps me on my shoulder. I turn around and see Rachel Berry smilling at me. "um.. Hi. C-Can I help you?" I blush embarrassed that she caught me off gaurd. she looked so cute when she smile. She brighten up and with a perky voice said, "Yes you may. I was wondering do you know Santana and Brittany?" I couldn't find my voice so I just nod. "You do Fantastic! Can you let them know that New directions would like to have a meeting with the trouble tones? Today if possible." Again I nod. "Marvalous, thank you." She turned and walked away. I couldn't help but stare as she left. "GABBY!" I hear my name shouted. I blush realizing I was starring before I turn to see who was calling me. My eyes opened wide. 'Oh shit.' Santana and Brittany were walking my way. "What is it?" I ask once they reach me? "What are you doing here practice is canceled."Brittany says in her sweet voice. "Oh I didn't know. Thanks." I say timidly trying not to look at either of them. Santana rolls her eyes at me annoyed. "Why were you talking to the dwarf?" Confused for a moment I couldn't answer but then I realize she means Rachel. "Oh well she wanted me to tell you two that the New dirctions wanted to meet with the trouble tones or something." "Uhg she is so annoying." Brittany and Santana walk off in the direction Rachel had gone. For some strange reason I wanted to hit Santana for calling Rachel annoying. 'What is happening? Why am I so mad? Gah this is complete bull I shouldn't be wanting to defend her.' I walk towards Ali's car and get there just before she was about to leave. "Hey can I get a ride? I thought there would be practice after school so my sister left me." She just smiles at me. "For sure hop in." The whole ride to my house was actually fun. I always have fun with Alice so it made sense. We laughed and joked and sang badly with the radio the whole time. It was relaxing and just what I needed. I ran up stares to throw my stuff in my room when I see my sister with my laptop. "What are you doing in my room?" I yell at her yanking my laptop away from her. "What are you doing dreaming about naked girls?" She asked crossing her arms. "You read my entry? This is private. You have no right.!" I was so scarred. 'Shit Shit Shit Shit. This can not be happening.' "You are not Gay." I look back at her. "What?" "You can't be. This is Ohio. There are no lesbians In Ohio let alone our school." I couldn't control my anger. Everything was happening so fast. "Yea there is." "Oh yea name one." she demanded. I don't know why but my mouth moved before my brain could tell it to stop. "Santana Lopez." 'Oh shit. Oh no oh no oh no oh no. Quick tell her your lying. make up something anything.' She smiled, "Are you serious. This is awesome. Finaly I have something on little miss Queen bitch. Thanks Gabrielle, I cant wait till Jenny hears this." "No don't you can't do that." I chased her down the stairs and out the front door but I was to late. She got in her car and left. 'Shit this can't be happening. She is going to tell cousin Jennifer the biggest blaber mouth there is. What am I going to do? I am so stupid. None of this would have ever happen if it weren't for stupid Rachel.' I walk back up to my room and lay on my bed. 'Stupid beautiful amazing Rachel.' I felt a tear go down my cheak as I closed my eyes to sleep away the days torment.