this is a companion piece to 'Dream. for some reason i felt like i had to explain Glen's side of the story. any way, i hope you enjoy it.
I guess you can say the reason why I left is because I couldn't handle ruining my best friend's life. That's really the only way I can rationalize what I did. If the situation wasn't so complicated then I would've stayed and been the boyfriend she always dreamed of. From the moment I laid eyes on her, I knew that I cared about her more than a friend ever could. She was always there for me. If I was having a rough day or anything like that, all I had to do was look at her and it would make me forget about it. She really was the light of my life.
Over time, my feelings for her were overwhelming for me. I felt like I couldn't be around her without feeling like I was drowning. That's when I started becoming distant from her and everyone else. Of course everyone who didn't know me still kept making fun of me because I was different. That just made me more angry at the world. That's when the fights started. Anyone that looked at me funny felt my wrath. I wasn't proud of what I was doing. I just needed a way to escape my emotions. I couldn't help but feel like a slave to them everytime I was around Jen.
I'm not sure what I was thinking when I kissed her. It's just I wanted to be alone and I didn't expect her to follow me. That's one thing I remember about Jen that really made me smile. When she's hell bent on asking you what's wrong, she'll go to any lengths to find out. It really does shows how much of a caring person she really is. Sometimes I find it weird that she wasn't afraid when she approached me. Usually when others approach me the way she did, just one look scares them away. Not with her unfortunately. She didn't see me as a monster like everyone else did. She saw me as a person who just needed someone to talk to and confide in.
As far back as I can remember, I've always had a hard time trusting people. To me, all people ever did was betray you in the end. They may act like your friend in the beginning but something always makes them change. That's why I, more or less, became a loner. Fear is what I used to keep people at a distance. I freaked everyone out with my different color eyes. No one had ever seen anything like that before so I used it to my advantage. At the time, I didn't care. I just wanted to be left alone. Who knew that fate had another idea.
When I'm alone with my thoughts, my mind always drifts back to that moment. When I just threw caution to the wind and did what my heart told me to do. I could see it in her eyes that she felt the same way. I had no idea. Of course when knowing that made it a lot harder to leave than I had previously hoped. Deep down, I knew that I couldn't give what she deserved. Taking it to that next level would have been a huge risk for the both of us. I couldn't do that to her. I cared about her too much. She's better off without me. That's what I keep telling myself but I know better. I know I hurt her that day. I still remember the look on her face.
Maybe the choice I made wasn't the right one. I still find myself haunted by the kiss that I never should have given her. I didn't mean to break her heart. That wasn't my intention. I'll never get to know what it truly felt like to be held and cared for by such a beautiful angel. The only person to blame for that...is me.