A/N: (Slightly) late for Kyoya's birthday but it's better than my lazy-ass friend who didn't bother writing anything 8D This fic contains onsided!ALL18. And I mean All ^^ It also has no weird content.

Disclaimer: I don't own Reborn, yay. =_="

Outside a wonderful beautiful brilliant giant mansion, a gold sign in fancy, purple writing said:

Are you a princess looking for love? Prince Kyoya is looking for a bride! Come and try your luck! If chosen, a guaranteed life of riches and perfection. Apply today!

Leading into the mansion was a long line, made up only of beautiful princesses, all determined to 'try their luck' with Prince Kyoya. Each princess brought their own gifts, from small, caged hedgehogs to motorbikes to tonfas. Of course, why Prince Kyoya would ever need anything is a mystery. He was royalty, after all.

Inside the wonderful, beautiful, brilliant, giant mansion sat a displeased boy of 16, with pale skin, raven hair, and dark eyes which would strike fear into the bravest foes. And why was he displeased, may one ask? It was because outside of his wonderful, beautiful, brilliant, giant mansion was a giant crowd. And Prince Kyoya did not like crowds. Crowds were likely to be bitten to death.

But this time, the crowds were not allowed to be bitten to death or else his parents would be very disappointed in their one and only brilliant son. "Tch." To avoid further crowding which would scare away his pet birds, the prince called a servant to allow each person to come in, but only one at a time, and there must be no accompaniments. The servant bowed and left.

A few minutes later came a tall and slender princess, smiling sweetly. "Hello, my prince," she began, "my name is –"

"Too tall!" Kyoya snapped. "Next!"

The girl left looking disappointed.

The next girl who came in was considerably shorter and slightly chubby. "Hi!" she said brightly, "I'm the princess from the country A–"

"Too cheerful," the prince scowled. "Next."

The next few girls were not desirable. "Too fat! Too skinny! Too sweet! Too angry! Too much like me. Too stupid. Too smart. Too annoying. Too boring. Too quiet. Too loud. Too pretty. Too ugly. Too Mary-Sue-y. Next!"

The next candidate(s) was/were a bunch of giggling girls. Kyoya frowned.

"OH MY GOSH, IT'S HIBARI!" one of them screamed, and they all began squealing. "Isn't he so cute?"

"I want to hug him!"

"Could I please get your autograph?"

"MARRY ME, HIBARI-SAMA!"

"Hibari-sama is MINE!"

"Like hell!"

"You'll have to fight me for him!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Bring it, bitch!"

By this point, prince Kyoya was positively shaking with anger. A large purple cloud aura gathered, and his eyes darkened threateningly. "Crowding?" he asked in a soft yet carrying voice. He took out his brand new tonfa and twirled it expertly. "I'll bite you all to death, fangirls!"

A few hours later, the girls were found haphazardly thrown into a boat and set on a trip to Antarctica.

Kyoya sat back and sighed. What had he ordered about 'one person at a time'? His servants were getting fired. "Next," he said.

A man came into the room. Blue hair stylishly cut into the shape of a pineapple. A dark-green jacket was loosely draped around slim shoulders. A long trident was spinning around in one hand. Mismatched eyes, one blue and one abnormally red, looked up.

"Long time no see, Hibari Kyoya," Rokudo Mukuro smirked.

"You!" Taking out his new tonfa, already stained with blood, Kyoya stared threateningly at his new...suitor. "What are you doing here?"

"To request your hand in marriage," Mukuro responded smoothly, bowing and producing an illusion pineapple. "If you will, my princess."

Kyoya twitched. "Rokudo Mukuro. You should be arrested for even taking one step inside my castle. You're. Not. A. Girl. Get out."

"Kufufu, so cruel~," the pineapple complained. "But luckily, I already have a solution to that." His image blurred, and standing there was a girl with purple hair also in the shape of a pineapple. Her hands clutched the trident uncertainly, and her skirt fluttered in the breeze. Her right eye was obscured with an eyepatch with a skull on it.

"My name is Chrome Dokuro," she introduced in a soft voice.

Kyoya grimaced, resisting the urge to throw this girl out the window. "Too much like Mukuro! Out!"

The expression on her face changed from brief surprise to a pout as Mukuro materialized back again. "Don't be mean to my cute little Chrome," he complained. "Besides, you never said that you were looking for a 'girl' in your advertisement."

"Shut up," the prince hissed. "I said I was looking for a bride!"

Mukuro stared.

Kyoya fumed.

"A bride!" he repeated.

Mukuro stared.

Kyoya fumed some more.

"Go off and find Byakuran!" he snapped, infuriated that Mukuro hadn't caught on yet.

Mismatched eyes widened in surprise, then settled into understanding. An amused smirk played on his lips and his eyes glinted. "Oh, I see," he smiled, flexing his fingers. "If you insist, Hibari Kyoya." And he was gone in the blink of an eye, just like the creeping mist.

Kyoya sighed and rolled his eyes. Almost dreading the next person, he called "Next!"

"Ushishishi!" Out stepped a teen of Kyoya's age, a gleaming tiara sitting lightly on top of a mop of blond hair masking peculiar eyes. White boots standing out in the semi-darkness as slender hands delicately tossing a sparkling knife. He had a loose leather jacket and a striped shirt with plain yet stylish matching leather pants. His Cheshire cat grin was the single most visible thing. "Hello, fellow prince."

The raven-haired teen was not amused. "Who are you?"

The grin faded slightly. "Not even knowing your neighbouring kingdom's royalty?" the other drawled. "I'm Belphegor. Prince Bel."

"Hn." Kyoya was a lot less than pleased now. He had been sitting here for half the day waiting for some suitable woman to come along, and instead had met a pineapple and a brat. His patience was more than testing. "And? What do you want?"

Bel shrugged. "Shishishi, I saw the word 'prince' in your advertisement and wanted to have a look."

"Can you read?"

"Yes. Why?"

Kyoya twitched. "Get out."

Bel grinned. "No."

"I'm in charge here. Get. Out. Now!"

The blond shrugged and left.

By this point, Kyoya couldn't care less about choosing a stupid bride. He considered biting everyone outside to death. Last one, he thought to himself. "Next!"

Bang! Crash! KABOOM!

Emerging from the giant puff of smoke was another blond, covered in various cuts and bruises. His attire consisted of a dusty brown-and-green jacket with a red shirt. His tattoos stood out in the light and made Kyoya scowl.

"Yo, Kyoya!" The blond grinned cheerfully, reaching inside his jacket.

Kyoya tightened his grip on his tonfa. "Who are you to call me as such?"

"My name is Dino." Taking his hand outside once more, the 'Dino' produced an odd-looking turtle. "This is my present, Kyoya. His name is Enzio! He's cute, right?"

"No," Kyoya snapped. "What are you doing here? Get out!"

Dino whined. "I'm the prince of the Chiavorone family! Surely I'm allowed to visit a neighbouring prince?"

"..." Another ominous aura gathered behind Kyoya as he stood up, twirling his tonfa with a murderous intent. "Did you not see the sign outside?" His voice was deadly.

"What sign?"

If looks could kill, Dino would be six feet under by now. Seeing Kyoya's expression, he added, "Oh, well, maybe I knocked it over...Eh, I'm kind of like a klutz, see?"

The raven-haired boy's eyes widened in fury and he held up his tonfa. "I'll bite you to death!"

Dino blinked.

Exactly three times.

And then...

"AHHHHHHHHH! NO! SAVE ME! HAVE MERCY! KYOYAAAA!"

The screams were heard all over the continent.

After disposing of the annoying klutz, Kyoya summoned a servant and asked him whether there were any more idiots outside. The servant replied that yes, there were a few more. The young prince then twitched and demanded to go outside.

True to the servant's word, there were still a few more people outside. There was a brunette who resembled Dino, perhaps his brother? The brunette looked nervous and was being cheered on by the next person in line, a silver-haired, emerald-eyed maniac. Behind him was a tall dark-haired kid who was laughing while swinging around a baseball bat.

Some way behind him was a white-haired man with a bandaid on his nose with a pair of boxing gloves. As Kyoya watched, he punched the air and screamed "EXTREME!" Next in line was a giant crowd. He noticed the stupid blond prince standing amidst it, carrying a baby wrapped in purple cloth. In the front was a tall man with scars across his face and furious red eyes with a scowling expression. Next to him was another man. He had long silver hair which reached his knees and seemed to be brandishing a sword on his left hand.

An almost-bald man with a Mohawk, tri-coloured hair and sunglasses was next, and a man with a moustache who seemed to be carrying several umbrellas on his back. On closer inspection, the baby was not wrapped in purple cloth, but wearing a purple robe and hood which obscured his eyes. A robot stood at the back, with what looked like metal tubes sticking out of its head.

"...Why..." Kyoya hissed. "Is...everyone crowding?" He raised his tonfa. "And why does nobody read?"

A sadistic grin broke through on his face. "I'll bite you all to death, herbivores!"

A/N: Do you understand the Onesided!ALL18 now? xDD Sorry, Kyoya. Review, na?