Chapter 1: Cigarette
The sunset from where he stood was astonishing, yet he couldn't appreciate the loud noise going on outside the building. Well, he never could as the cars honked at everything that blocked its way from speeding past the traffic light. It was past work time and everyone was just trying to rush back home away for the long weekend. They had a Monday off for a certain national holiday, and it was nice to get away from the boring office life.
But, it was exactly the opposite for him as he turned and walked back to where his table was. The empty seat was covered with a fluffy grey blanket and an extra cushion. All of them were gifts from his coworkers and a reminder of how long he had been working in the damn good company.
The dark and tight lips escaped a sigh as he touched the blanket and turned the seat for him to sit down. He wasn't done for the day, not till three to four hours into the evening. It was the end of the month and end for Winter, which explained the additional workload he had to take despite not wanting to do so. The dark bags underneath his eyes justified his tiredness. He was there, on his desk, from early morning until now.
No one blamed him, to be honest. Everyone looked just as tired as he was, but the shorter man decided he wanted to have less work to think of during the weekend. The man deserved the rest after everything he had worked on.
"How's work going?"
A voice and smell of coffee decided to interrupt his mind. But, the man didn't turn to see who it was.
"You know better than to ignore me, Levi."
Levi took his eyes off the computer screen and met the man with the hoarse voice. Upon looking at him, he only took a long breath and exhaling it slowly to ease off the flaring nerves on his neck.
"You know how it's going when the stacks begin to collect dust," the man replied sarcastically but only to sigh and start typing again. "This is the last stack of the month for me. So, you know how it is going."
The blond man hummed in recognition as he sipped away the coffee in his hand. The sun had set as his eyes explored what lies beyond the outside windows of their office. Lights had begun turning on and so did in their building too.
"Seems like only you and me working overtime in this office."
He could hear his coworker low and unheard chuckled. The taller man moved his body to face the working man in front of him.
"You know what to do if they don't finish their work, do you, Erwin?"
Levi's eyes were off the screen again as he looked at the tall, white man with thick eyebrows. His face didn't change into any expressions at all but both knew how exhausted each other were.
"We all know what will happen if they don't finish this by the end of the month. It's a massive project with a lot of pressure," Erwin smiled before chugging down the remaining of his coffee. "You know how stressful it can be."
The shorter man only grinned before turning back his attention to the computer screen and the stack of papers beside him. The keyboard repetitive clicking indicated how much work he had done before his eyes trailed back to the paper. His stack wasn't as much as he said, to be honest. But, he liked to think of it as more because it'd motivate him to finish them all in one go. There was nothing he couldn't finish on time unless he had to take a sick day off.
Erwin was still standing close to his table, playing with his phone while holding the empty coffee mug. His tie was off as he undid one of the top buttons of his long shirt. Both Levi and him didn't need to look formal anymore when it was after work-hour, only when there were clients that they needed to.
"How's the new boyfriend going along?"
The bigger man was taken aback by the question. It was rare for Levi to ask him personal questions despite trusting him with everything. But, trust wasn't something that came easily from him.
"I love him," he smiled, a daydream in his voice was very apparent. "More like a little brother than a lover. But, I want him to stay with me forever."
Levi's eyes soften and the typing slowed down for a moment. Erwin's definition of love was selfish, yet he couldn't believe how much it hurt him. He was envious — jealous of what life had become to his friend.
"Selfish but good. You deserve it."
The standing man nodded as he looked at the cup in his hand.
"After all these times, maybe I do."
He returned to his work, typing in front of the computer and letting the silent to overcome the ending conversation.
"How's the search?" Erwin decided to continue the talk even as the gray eyes suddenly turned towards him.
"Far from being found," he said like a sigh coming out from his mouth. He was not only tired but exhausted by everything weighting his shoulder.
Erwin was still standing despite having the opportunity to sit down in any chairs close by his co-worker's desk. His friend could only imagine how uncomfortable it was to be standing for so long at the same spot.
"How long has it been?" The question tore his attention away from the computer. "You told me you've been looking for him, how long has it been?"
The typing stopped as the younger man looked at a small paper sketch pinned on the cubicle. It was someone who he had been searching for and the name was written on it too: Eren Jaeger. The sketches were rough because he did it from memory and his dream. People would've called him crazy if he said anything to them about the sketches, so he kept it there. Just a small drawn sketches that only he knew what it meant.
"Eight years," came out like a sigh. "It has been eight years, Erwin. Probably counting."
Levi forced to gain his attention back to the work, fighting his betraying mind.
"Sorry to hear that," was the reply as Erwin had finally decided to stop disturbing his coworker. "I hope you find him soon."
The younger man only nodded as the typing noise began to fill the entire floor and sinking all other noises around him.
It was completely dark when he had almost finished all his works. Levi didn't realize how late it was until he turned around to take a break from the last thing he needed to finish on. The outside was completely engulfed by the darkness with only street lamps and some restaurants emitting its lights to the street. The street wasn't as crowded anymore, only a few people passing by and trying to get home as quickly as they could from cold winter wind.
The thoughts of being home and relaxing filled his mind. It gave him the energy to finish the last piece of work he needed to do, knowing that he had been working late for almost a week now. He was done with his workplace, and thank goodness for the long weekend ahead of him.
His report was done, printed, and placed on his assistant's desk. It never occurred to him that working as the head scientist would be this hard. At the end of every month, he would have to write a month-long report that was basically the summary of what his regular reports were about. Plus, he had to meet people either to interview them or to work together with other professors and scientists in the field.
But, he wasn't complaining since he loved what he was doing with everyone else. That was the reason why he wanted to pursue this career anyway.
"Are you finally done with those stacks and the report?"
Levi turned his head towards the husky voice. Erwin was all ready to the building, just like he was. All he needed to do was to wear his sweater, jacket, and gloves before fighting the cold night.
"Fucking finally," Levi said as he wore his thick jacket after the sweater. "So tired from typing that stupid report. I don't get why I need to summarize the other reports if they already have it."
Erwin laughed at the statement and frustration that came out from Levi's mouth. He knew how much the head scientist was an annoyance with the organization's system, but this was his first time being so openly irritated at it. It was probably because of the recent and major development in their projects which was good, yet could be annoying at the same time.
"Don't complain about the progress. You've been stuck for a while, so this is a good thing."
That earned him a nod from Levi as he packed hurriedly yet carefully not to forget anything. He was done for the day and didn't need anything more than he already had. All he wanted was to go home.
"You know why I'm complaining. Don't change the subject, Erwin," he said and grabbed his phone and bag from the table. "Ready to leave?"
All Levi got was a smile on Erwin's face as they walked away from the desks. The smaller man tied the warm cashmere scarf around his neck when they entered the elevator. Silence filled the void of their ride; both of them were on their phones, catching up with the things they missed from the day or the morning.
However, the silence was broken when one of the phones suddenly rang, and it was Erwin's. He picked it up as he glanced at the number of floors they were passing.
"Hey, how are you?" Erwin asked sweetly over the phone. "What are you doing still up at this time?"
Levi wasn't listening to the conversation; he could guess that it was the boyfriend and probably worried. He wasn't bothered since he couldn't hear anything from the phone. He just went on with his business, checking his emails and unread texts.
The talking went on for a little bit before the blond man hung up with a soft "Good night," and "I love you." A smile still decorated Erwin's face, and they were only a few stories from the lobby of their building.
"Boyfriend, I'm guessing."
Levi's phone was out of sight too as he waited patiently until the elevator dings. They were almost there. Out from the elevator and out from this building for a good while.
"You guessed right," Erwin replied, still a smile on his face. "He was getting worried since I rarely worked till this late."
The elevator finally dinged and opened up, freeing them both from small space. Levi walked out first and waited until his co-worker did the same before continuing their steps toward the entrance. A security guard greeted them as they walked away and into the big lobby area.
"Go home to your husband, darling. I bet he missed you so much right now," Levi said sarcastically but they both knew it was just joking.
The bigger man only giggled as they kept walking towards the door. They both saw someone sitting on the side as if it was waiting for someone. It didn't bother them to be honest because if anything, the security guards would've already handled it.
The door opened for them to leave when suddenly, the person waiting suddenly stood up and turned around to see them. He was smiling from ear to ear, even as his green eyes smiled. Erwin froze solid on his feet as his eyes widen at the sight of the person in front of him.
"Eren, what are you doing here?" come out louder and higher than he would it to be.
The man paced towards Erwin and hugged his lover tightly despite the coldness. Eren was still smiling and happy to see his boyfriend after being swept off by works for the last couple of days.
"I was out studying and doing a group project around the area," he explained excitedly. "So, I figured that we could go back together. It's been a while."
Levi stood frozen, a different kind of frozen as he witnessed everything that happened. The cold wind didn't help to bring him back to reality when he saw the person he had been looking for all these years. All these years, the Eren Jaeger was in front of him and in his friend's embraced.
"...Eren?"
The name finally came out from his mouth as he saw Eren left the warm embrace to find him. Then, it dawned on him. Suddenly, he understood what just uncovered in front of his eyes. All the happiness laced with betrayal happened in front of his eyes.
He saw as Eren's eyes widen at the sight of him and immediately stepped back from the man he had just embraced. He shook his head as if he didn't want to believe what was in front of him, and so did he.
Levi didn't want to believe it either but there he was.
"Levi?"
His breath stopped when he heard his name called through those lips. He found him. Levi finally found him — the person who had been haunting him for all these years.
"How…do you do, Levi?"
The question came out softly against the cold night air but it soothed him after all this was the voice he had longed to hear. Yet, that was only the beginning of the endless questions in his mind. The question about his coworker, the truth, and the meaning of it all; there were too many to list them all, and he couldn't even think about it all.
"I'm...doing just fine," a lie that came out so easily from everyone's mouth. "How are you doing, Eren?"
Levi's heart was on his throat. Anything and everything could have made his heart jumped out if he wasn't trying to collect himself and calm down. He tried to keep himself calm but to see the person he had longed for embracing another man and clinging to it for protection, maybe he was in the wrong. Maybe he shouldn't have found Eren at all. Was this all a mistake? Was looking for Eren something that he shouldn't have done?
Levi quietly sighed as he glanced at Eren clinging to his boyfriend's hand while hiding behind him. Was this really the end of his search?
Erwin cleared his throat all as if trying to take his attention away from the boyfriend. It was normal since Eren looked at the bigger man with those eyes pleading for Erwin to take him away from this meeting. It was normal for the boyfriend to feel weirded out by a third wheel after all.
"I need to talk with Levi for a moment. Would you wait for me over there?" Erwin pointed his finger at the nearby cafe that was still open and with that Eren nodded. A smile formed on his lips and before the boyfriend could walk away, Erwin pulled him for a kiss and a hug.
His eyes were still on Eren even after he walked away. The breaths turned to sigh when he turned to face Erwin and those shining smile on his face.
"What is the meaning of this?" Levi asked. His voice was shaking but he toughened it up.
This wasn't a place to have a breakdown just because everything was drowning him. However, the silence from his colleague wasn't much of an answer too.
"You never had the intention to tell me, do you?" A follow-up question to the one unanswered.
"No," Erwin finally answered, a clear-cut no for a lot of things. "I never do."
His jaw clenched from the answer — the straightforward answer that made his heart boil despite the winter's cold wind. He had no idea how long had this been going on, how long had his colleagues been hiding this fact from him. But most of all, how much did they remember about the past.
His chest tightened as he tried to regulate his breathing slowly and quietly. He was tired yet angry and frustrated at everything. Yet, this was his reality. He was supposed to be happy, but how could such happiness turn sour almost immediately? The happiness that he had longed for so long just turned its back on him right away.
All he could do was laughed at it and at himself. His hand was on his temples, messaging and covering the droplets of tears that betrayed him. The laughs that were so fake and unhappy that anyone who heard it would probably pity him, and thank god there was no one around them.
The look on Erwin's face wasn't much better either as he stood there and did nothing. All he could do was watch and wait until Levi stop doing whatever he was doing. Besides, it was not in his position to give a comforting word since he had taken all those comforting words for his own.
"Tell me, Erwin," Levi breathed, wiping those tears from his eyes and looking properly at the person in front of him. "Why are you doing this?"
He smiled at the question and thought for a moment before answering. Erwin had made up his mind for a long time ago, and he could care less of anything that was going to be thrown in front of him right now. Eren was his and he would make sure it would stay that way.
"Eren was yours because I thought it could change you. But I need him right now, Levi," he paused and turned to the direction of the cafe where his boyfriend waited. "I need him more than you do now, Levi."
The moment he finished the sentences, another big smile decorated his face with quick greetings of good night and enjoy your weekend. Those greetings sounded repulsive, yet Levi just stood there in silence as he watched Erwin walked into the cafe and greeted by Eren — his Eren.
He took a deep breath and turned away from the cafe's direction, looking at the empty street while stealing glances at the happy couple exiting the place and walking away. Everyone knew he should do the same and he could, but could he walked away from the person he had been looking for years?
Each breath he took eventually turned to sighs as his hand searched through all the pockets he had. When his hand stopped, he only giggled quietly since he realized that he had quit smoking for a long while now. But now could be the perfect moment to smoke.
Now could be the perfect moment to drown in that ecstasy.
A/N: Thank you for giving this fanfic another chance. I know that I've let you down by rewriting it but I feel relieve for actually doing it. You can expect about 5-10 pages per chapter. I will be combining some of the old chapters when I see fit.
Please keep supporting me by giving a constructive criticism or telling what you like from the new rewrite. I know I may sound ungrateful but a comment telling me to give a faster update won't do me much favor. Those comments really bring me down and make me less excited to write the continuation.
But please do continue supporting me in a positive manner. I'm excited to be back writing this and actually giving it a closure it deserves. Thank you!