All Wet

by J. Ferguson a.k.a. Timeless A-Peel

Disclaimer: I don't own The New Avengers, nor the characters of Mike Gambit, Purdey, and John Steed. Sadly. They're the property of The Avengers (Film and TV) Enterprises. This story is for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's Note: Just a little bit of fun, inspired by a comment and the swimtrunks scene from Life on Mars, for which I drew the inspiration for Gambit's swimsuit. Good for a chuckle, maybe.

"Have a heart, Purdey-girl."

Gambit looked down at the frigid water of the Thames with considerable trepidation, hands clamped on the towel around his waist.

"It's not my fault Collins threw the case down there," Purdey pointed out. "The sooner you get in, the sooner you can be out again."

"I'll freeze," Gambit complained. "Are you sure you can't find me a wetsuit?"

Purdey sighed in exasperation. "I've checked everywhere within a five block radius and those trunks were all I could find. You know I don't have time to go any farther. If we wait any longer, the case will fill up with water and all the documents will be ruined. So just be glad you don't have to go in your clothes."

"Considering this swimsuit I think I'd prefer my clothes," Gambit muttered. Purdey had chosen a particularly garish print in brown and orange, so brief it had no legs at all, and only covered a thin strip in the middle of his body. Short shorts, in every sense of the word.

"Oh, quit complaining and get in. Remember, I have your clothes. If you ever want to see them again, hurry up."

"Blackmail." Gambit made a face. "Do you have any idea how polluted it probably is?"

"Then you'll have no shortage of scenery while you're down there. Come on, Mike, you can hold your breath longer than me, and we need that case now. Hop in."

Gambit still looked unenthusiastic. He leaned over the edge of the bank so he could see the water. Purdey rolled her eyes in exasperation. She really did have to do everything around here.

"Oh, look!" she cried suddenly, and Gambit's head snapped up in surprise. "Isn't that your mother?"

"You don't know my mother—gah!" Before Gambit could finish, Purdey whipped the towel away with one hand and gave him an unceremonious shove with the other. Gambit tumbled into the water with little grace, causing a very impressive splash. He surfaced, sputtering, a few moments later, looking decidedly blue around the lips. He uttered a string of oaths finally ending up with a much-tamer "Bloody hell!"

Purdey grinned. "Is it refreshing?"

"Refreshing? Refreshing? I'll have hypothermia in a minute. And I expect you to warm me back up again with body heat."

"I can tell you that won't be happening, so you had better get a move on."

Steed suddenly appeared behind Purdey, glanced down at the figure treading water. "Any luck?"

"Gambit's just been demonstrating his multilingual vocabulary. Do you know he can curse in 8 different languages?" Purdey said quite matter-of-factly.

"Wait a few minutes and I expect he'll add a few more. Any sign of the case, Gambit?"

"What? Sorry? I think my ears have frozen shut."

"Case."

"Right, right," Gambit grumbled, and dove. Purdey and Steed watched him until his form was no longer visible beneath the surface.

"I found a wetsuit," Steed said after a moment. "If I had known Gambit would be willing to go in without one, I could have saved myself a great deal of time."

"Oh, he was reluctant at first," Purdey said with a grin. "He just needed a push in the right direction." She winked and swung Gambit's towel jauntily. "He made a lovely splash."

"I can imagine."

They waited a minute. Then two. There was no sign of Gambit. Purdey began to feel uneasy.

"You did say Mike was good at holding his breath?" she asked, eyes riveted to the spot where he'd gone down.

"Best in the department," Steed murmured back.

"Um, how long, exactly, can he stay under?" She was starting to wonder if the hypothermia really had kicked in and Gambit was floating near the bottom, nearly comatose.

"Do you know, I never thought to check," Steed replied, brows gathered worriedly. "I'm starting to wish I had."

Purdey felt all the blood drain from her face. "Steed, we have to go after him!"

"Purdey, I'm sure he's fine."

"He's not! I shouldn't have sent him in without something to keep him warm. Oh, no." She cast the towel to the ground and put a hand to her forehead in dismay, searched the water frantically. "He must be frozen."

"Actually, it's not too bad once you get used to it," a voice said close to her ear.

"Gah!" Purdey screamed, jumping in surprise, which caused her to lose her balance and tumble into the water below. Steed whirled round to find Gambit, damp and dripping, but smiling triumphantly, case in hand. He handed it off to Steed and picked up his towel. "Sorry, did I startle you?" he asked disingenuously.

"Just a tad."

"Really? Did you know there's a tunnel under here that takes you to the other side of the river?" he asked conversationally as he began to towel off.

"No," Steed said with a grin. "And I don't imagine Purdey did, either. Have much trouble?"

"Not a bit. Fifteen seconds and there it was."

"Marvelous."

"Mike Gambit, I'm going to murder you!" came the indgnant screech from the water.

"I love you too, Purdey-girl," Gambit called back, and was rewarded with a string of oaths very much like his own a few minutes ago. "She's a fast learner," he mused.

"That's why we keep her," Steed quipped. "I'd better get this back to the Ministry. You have some fishing to do."

Gambit grinned. "Catch of the day."

Steed wandered off with a smile. Gambit shook his head and moved to the bank, where Purdey was clinging to the edge, bangs drooping into her eyes, lips pulled back in a grimace. Gambit dropped into a crouch in front of her, smiled beatifically.

"Come on out, Purdey-girl. That blouse looks like it'll be interesting wet."

"If you knew what I can see at this level, you wouldn't be laughing," Purdey snapped, eyeing Gambit's trunks between chunks of soaked hair.

"Well, just to show you there's no hard feelings, I'll be happy to share my body heat with you."

"Oh, good," Purdey choked, grabbing his towel with an iron grip and tugging hard. "Come on in, then, and warm me up."

Farther up the bank, Steed heard the splash, and smiled.

End