Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts; it belongs to Tetsuya Nomura and Disney.
Rating: M
Genre: Romantic/Tragedy
Summary: Sometimes you hurt the one you love because you love them, sometimes you hurt the one you love to make them realise how much they love you. But what if love was never there? Lemon, Vexen/Marluxia. ONESHOT.
History: I had this story carved into my brain and it wouldn't let me sleep. There aren't really too many fics with this pairing, and I think it's starting to become one of my favourites. Oh, and I really love that title : p
And it might get quite a bit OOC, at least at the near ending. I'm not sure; it's so long since last time I played COM… doom on me.
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Vexen was that kind of a nobody who always knew where he placed his stuff. He liked order, and he liked to know where his equipment was if he'd come to an urgent need of it. Yet, today he couldn't find his best scalpel anywhere. He had turned his laboratory upside down, but no luck whatsoever. He knew he had brought it with him to castle Oblivion, and he knew he had placed it in a drawer. But now it was gone. Had someone taken it? Had someone dared to take his equipment without asking? He was the highest ranked member on this mission, and no one should dare to oppose him.
The first person he thought of was Zexion, but… no. They were old friends. He thought about it for a couple of minutes.
Marluxia. Why didn't he think of that before? Vexen might be the highest ranked, but Marluxia was in charge at the castle, and was allowed to do anything he wanted inside its walls as long as he carried out their mission.
Why was he getting so worked up by a missing knife? Because the Chilly Alchemist had never, ever misplaced his equipment before.
He dashed through the hallways, earning a concerned look from Axel, finally reaching the door to Marluxia's room.
He took a deep breath to calm himself before knocking. When no one answered he decided to enter anyway. He opened it carefully, ensuring himself that the room was empty. He then slipped inside, taking little time to look around, in case the botanist was on his way back. It looked more like a garden than a room, with countless plants covering most of the floor and walls. The air was thick and wet with the smell of damp soil and flowers.
There, on the table next to a pot full of forget-me-nots was his knife. It had apparently been used to cut of dead leafs as it was covered in dirt.
Vexen felt an unfamiliar sting of pain in his chest at the proof of his suspicions, but he hurriedly shaked it off and scowled, grabbing the knife and turning to leave.
He decided to return to his work, instead of pursuing Marluxia to force out a confession of crime. It wasn't such a big deal after all, he thought, and if he actually did confront him, it might be the last thing he did.
But it wasn't long before it happened again.
Vexen, having just finished one of his many experiments, was about to write down his conclusion as he realised he couldn't find his pen. He looked around his laboratory, certain he had at least ten extra somewhere but soon found that every single one was missing. He once again decided to look for Marluxia.
And so he abandoned his work and went for the Graceful Assassin's room, frustration building up inside him once again as he knocked at the door, and once again, no one answered. So he entered to find the room empty just as last time.
He located his pens in a number of different flowerpots, used as support for small climbing plants. Vexen sighed. That sting of pain once again calming him down, but stronger this time. He started wondering what it could be, as he picked up one if the pens and retuned to his laboratory, only to find he'd forgotten what he was supposed to write.
But it didn't stop there. Every day Vexen found some of his equipment missing, every time returning to Marluxia's room to retrieve it, finding the place empty as always. The sting of pain had become an ache. Vexen would have called it heartache if he were unaware that he didn't have a heart, but he knew better, though it didn't remind him of anything else.
He wanted to cry out in frustration, but knew better than to do that. He was glad he never encountered Marluxia. Right now he didn't think himself able to look him in the eyes. He was slowly getting used to finding his things gone, as if a trip to the upper floor was a routine every time he was to conduct an experiment, sometimes finding other things missing as he came back knowing number XI had been there only minutes before.
Why? It was the only thing he wanted to know right now. Why? Why did Marluxia find it such entertaining to torment him like this?
"Vexen, what a surprise. To think I'd find you here, sneaking around in my room at this time of the night"
Vexen froze. He had been engulfed in his own thoughts, regardless that the biologist was on his way back there any minute.
He put on his usual cold, stoic expression and turned slowly to face Marluxia, standing in the doorway.
"I came to look for my journal," he said casually, though his insides were screaming. "I believe I might find it here"
Marluxia gave him a smirk, his eyes as cold as ever.
"Why, that was a harsh accusation," he answered. Vexen struggled to keep calm, but found his voice rising every second.
"I know you took it Marluxia. You've been taking my equipment for weeks now!"
"So you noticed?" he said, still smirking, still unfazed by the anger growing in Vexen's voice.
Vexen was almost crying, but no way he'd give anyone the satisfaction of seeing him do that, especially not Marluxia, so he did the only thing he could. He yelled at him.
"Will you just leave me alone!" He immediately regretted his outburst. Seeing the smirk vanish from Marluxia's face was almost frightening, even so as he took three long steps towards the scientist forcing him back towards the wall.
"No, and what are you going to do about that?" Marluxia's tone was low and deadly now, making Vexen take two more steps back. He was going to die now for sure. He felt fear creeping up inside him as his back hit the wall. Marluxia was more than a head taller than him, and oh, so much, much stronger.
"What is it that you want?" Vexen forced forth, knowing it'd be his last sentence.
"What it is that I want?" Marluxia repeated, pretending to be thinking as he forced Vexen into the wall. They stared at each other for a moment. Marluxia was actually looking kind of sad. Suddenly he pressed his lips onto Vexen's.
The scientist was in shock with a capital S. It was the last thing he'd ever expected.
After what seemed like an eternity Marluxia pulled way, still looking sad, still with his hands on the other's shoulders. Vexen didn't know what to do, except embracing the botanist, who returned it, both realising just how lonely they were. But Marluxia once again pulled away, and left Vexen quite startled, though he soon returned carrying a book.
"Your journal" He said, handing it back, his voice hoarse. "I am sorry." And with that, he turned away, expecting Vexen to leave. And so he did.
The ache was still there, perhaps even worse, though it wasn't alone now. There was this strange sensation each time he was looking for his equipment, always finding it there he expected it to be.
He hadn't seen Marluxia for a week, and he found himself missing him more than anything. It couldn't go on like this.
He thought of what to do, when suddenly a grim idea came to his mind. It had worked one way, why not the other?
This time it was Marluxia's turn to get frustrated. Flowers didn't walk away on their own accord, that was for sure. Would Vexen really use his own trick against him? No way. Perhaps it was Zexion. Yes, probably. But then again, why would Zexion steal a rose? Simple, he wouldn't. It was off to the laboratory then.
He wasn't surprised to find the room empty as he arrived. He cached sight of his rose, but as he was going to take it, he stopped, fingers only inches away. It was covered in a thin layer of ice, making it sparkle in the dim light. It was beautiful. And it wasn't just the rose, but seeing both his own and Vexen's powers together like that…
"Marluxia" Vexen's voice sounded from behind him. "We need to talk." Marluxia turned to face him. He wasn't as cold as he used to. Marluxia got aware that his own features had to look softer than usual too. Vexen had wanted to see him again, even after he had tormented him for so long, even after he had forced him to kiss him. There was a pause, not really willing to hear Vexen's rejection of him he turned back to the rose.
"It's beautiful," he said.
"I suppose it's because you are a clever botanist," Vexen answered.
"Looks like we are both skilled with our own specialities." He let his fingers glide ghostly over the ice petals, realising the ice didn't melt. "I don't regret what I did last time we met," he stated like an afterthought. There was a pause.
"Nor do I"
"Then I suppose we don't need to talk"
"I…" Vexen leaned back against the wall. "Then what?"
He really should have known. As soon as the words escaped him, Marluxia was pushing against him, lips locked, and as he gasped, he found the botanist's tongue taste the caverns of his mouth. As the shock evaded he did what he could to return the kiss, his arms around Marluxia's strong neck. He felt the ache in his chest disappear within less than a second, replaced by a slight throbbing between his thighs. They finally broke up for air, both panting, thinking that breathing was overrated. Then Marluxia started tugging at Vexen's zipper.
Another gasp escaped Vexen as he started kissing his bare chest.
"M-Marluxia, s-stop." He groaned in displeasure, but did as he was told. "A bed is much more comfortable" Vexen smirked after having reassembled his voice.
"I don't care" Marluxia smirked back as he lifted Vexen over to the surgery table with ease, pulling his zipper completely open.
"Anyone can find us here" the scientist stated, trying to pull his cloak back together before Marluxia undid his pants too.
"Oh, fine. Have it your way" he said and rolled his eyes. After a short walk down the hall they found themselves in Vexen's room. It wasn't heavily decorated as Marluxia's, seeing Vexen had all his stuff in the laboratory. High, white walls with arched roof high above them like any other room in the castle. Vexen found himself pushed down on the black, silk sheets of his bed, almost before entering the room, lips locked, his cloak once again yanked open, though this time, his wasn't the only. Marluxia broke their kiss to pull his gloves off with his teeth, sliding the cloak of Vexen's shoulders and opened his pants, pulling them down and throwing them away, leaving Vexen naked underneath him. He stared at his scientist's glorious indecency for a moment.
"Gawd, you are beautiful," he whispered into his ear making Vexen blush slightly. But Vexen didn't get to answer as he felt two fingers entering him, making him squirm of both pain and delight as Marluxia started moving them inside him. He grabbed the Graceful Assassins strong shoulders as he inserted a third finger into the scientist, who moaned silently, burrowing his face in his hair, tracing his hand along his body. But now it was Vexen's time to groan in displeasure as the other pulled away for the third time without request. But then he caught the drift and helped him off with his pants, but slowly, as to tease him, if anything it got Marluxia even more worked up, and he tackled Vexen down again, kissing him hard and deep, thrusting his length into him making him moan, and lock his legs around Marluxia's waist, clinging to his powerful frame, sweat drenching both of them as they rocked their hips together. None of them had ever felt so whole ever since they became nobodies.
Vexen couldn't sleep that night. No matter how right it felt having Marluxia tucked under his arm with his head resting on the scientist's chest. He had countless questions buzzing inside his head denying him the act of sleep. Why had Marluxia chosen him? Why had he tormented him like that if he wanted him so badly? Nothing made any sense. Love? Definitely not. Nobodies couldn't feel any emotion, especially not one as complicated as love. Though Vexen knew that if he did have a heart, he would have been in love with Marluxia, but he hadn't, and therefore wasn't. A nobody could only feel weak illusions of feeble emotions. Like anger and boredom. Perhaps even lust, but that didn't make it real. It was only shadows of the true emotions they once had and still remembered… So Marluxia had only lusted for him, or perhaps it was but boredom. One way or another, it still didn't explain why he had turned to him, of all people, and as the once curious scientist he was, he had to know, and the first thing he did as Marluxia woke up was to ask him about it.
"Why me?"
"I'm not sure," he said, pulling himself into a sitting position. "I think… hmm… I just get this feeling every time I'm around you, it's hard to explain." Vexen got a sudden sharpness in his features.
"You know very well we are not able to feel anything," he said, perhaps even a bit cold. Marluxia simply sighed.
"Our hearts has to be out there somewhere, so our emotions aren't completely gone." At this, Vexen thought of the unfamiliar ache he had felt as his equipment had been stolen. But he was not in love with Marluxia. He simply couldn't be. It had been but a shadow of sorrow. It wasn't real. Nor was he or his hope of regaining his heart. After a long pause he came to a conclusion.
"I don't think we'll ever be able to feel again." This was followed by an awkward silence. He had said straight out that he'd never love Marluxia, and Marluxia would never love him.
"Very well" was the only answer he got.
But they kept seeing each other every night, never speaking of their reasons again, though Marluxia kept believing in his illusions, while Vexen wondered why he had let the botanist have his way with him. He just figured it had been long since last time. He kept accusing the shadow of boredom, until the fatale day when he went to battle Sora outside the mansion in Twilight Town.
"What if you don't survive?"
"Then you'll just have to forget all about me. There is no reason to dwell with things that never was"
"There you go again, speaking like we don't exist, like what we do does not matter!"
"Well, it's just the truth. Like Axel says; Nobodies can't be Somebodies."
And with that, Vexen kissed Marluxia on his cheek, and went for his last battle. But Marluxia knew that as long as he lived, he could never forget about the scientist that had taught him so much. He watched the ice melt away and their rose die, knowing Vexen had just perished. He touched his cheek, wich was still warm and damp after the kiss. He knew now that he'd never feel again. But it didn't really matter as he waited for the keyblademaster at the top floor of castle Oblivion. No matter what happened, Vexen was gone and he'd never see the ice petals again.
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So what do you think? I'd love to get response, especially since it's my first lemon ever. I know it sucked, but hey, rub it in. I was thinking of a Xemnas/Saïx pairing next, cuz it's my favourite pairing after all, and there are so few fics with them. I think I'm satisfied with this one though. Now please click the big shiny review button!