"Too much time on my hands, I've got you on my mind. Can't ease this pain so easily"
- Adrian Smith, Iron Maiden, "Wasted Years"
Note: I don't own anything you can find in the movie Underworld. And I've still got no spell checker, and I'm still Swedish, 15 years old, which mean there are spelling mistakes here, and grammar too, but I can't find them. If I could find them, they wouldn't be there.
Det här innehåller massor av på tok för långa meningar. Förlåt mig.
Heaven and Hell
Do you believe in Heaven? That those free from sin will, after the pain of death, come to a place without fear, pain and sadness? Do you believe that?
More important, and certainly more relevant to those still alive, do you believe that all of us could find our own piece of Heaven on earth? Could you believe in such a thing?
I could, once. I believed that everybody did something good in their lives, and therefor deserved some sort of Heaven when they still were alive. I believed in love, in the goodness of everybody, and in life itself. How naïve I was once. Of course, I knew that people made mistakes, did cruel things and even killed each other, but I still believed that there was goodness in everybody, and that they deserved a piece of Heaven because of that. I even believed in the goodness of those blood-sucking devils I was forced to call my lords. Oh yes, the vampires. Why do you honestly think I married one in the first place? Because she was different from her kin? Oh, well, she was, and I loved her for that, but I hadn't found out if I hadn't believed in her goodness.
Could you believe in that? The fact that I harboured them no ill will, that I didn't hate them, that I accepted them as my overlords, that I tried to make the best out of my situation as their slave? If I asked my pack members that question, they would answer no. They know me as their stubborn, vampire-hating leader, not as a humble slave who believed in Heaven. My view on vampires has changed since then. Oh yes, they have changed. I don't believe in Heaven anymore. I felt Heaven once, I had it resting in my arms for a short while, actually in the shape of a vampire. Yes, Heaven to me was my beloved Sonja. I loved her, when I still believed in love, and life itself. I guess you can say I still love her, but it was such a long time ago, and during that time which has passed since Heaven was taken away from me I've given up believing in those bright, optimistic and naïve things. Sometimes I think that I've had my share of happiness, that I've had what was mine, and now I won't feel really happy again, until I die.
Do you believe in Hell then? A place full of fire, where all sinners shall me punished?
I believe in Hell. Sometimes the thoughts of Hell is all that keeps me going. Without a place of eternal punishment, everything I've done since Sonja died have been for nothing. Without a Hell, all I've ever done is stopped those bloody (sorry, bad pun) vampires from going on with their lives, or rather ended them, but without a Hell, that would be all. Then I've more like put them out of the misery of living. That's why I have to believe in Hell. Because I want the vampires, an especially Viktor, to suffer. Viktor took Heaven away from me, and therefor you could say that he is the Devil himself. Viktor was the one who made my life a living Hell, when he killed the one thing I feared to lose. My beloved Sonja.
There's one thing that I want to make very clear to you all. Yes, I've killed hundreds of vampires. I'm not ashamed of that, and I'm not embarrassed to admit it. But none of these killings, murders, fights and endless battles, have been for Sonja's sake. I don't kill because of her. I kill to heal my own wounds, caused by that damned blood-sucking species. But one day I will kill for Sonja's sake. One vampire shall fall down dead because of her. I've never killed for her, because she was so full of love, and would really have disliked it, but one will be for her. It all will be for her, when I rip the heart out of her father's body, if he still has one, that is. Her own father, who condemned her to the most painful of deaths, for loving me. I was never his slave, though. I was Sonja's, or rather a slave of love, and I still am. And as a slave, I've endured the Hell my life has been, since she was taken away from me.
The end.