Um…Wayne's World
A girl stepped out of her shower, squeezing the water from her brown hair and quickly wrapping a towel around her body. She was home alone and decided to pamper herself on her first day of Spring Break. She hadn't gone anywhere, but most of her friends had booked it down to Florida, leaving her behind in shitty, cornfields amongst cornfields Indiana.
"Fucking rap song…get out of my head." She grumbled to herself, putting her glasses on her face and wishing the catchy phrases and rhymes would leave her poor mind alone. It had plenty going on in it already. She hurriedly dried her brown hair and brushed it, the length of it starting to bother the teen girl as well. She walked to her room, pulled on her undergarments and looked through her wardrobe, wondering what to wear.
"Yellow shirt…blue jean shorts…yeah, I'm not going anywhere anyway." She mumbled to herself, quickly getting dressed and walking from her room, down the hallway and to the kitchen. She opened each cabinet, eyes reading over every edible item, helping her decide on what to eat.
"Mmm, French Fries and why am I talking to myself? I don't know. Because I keep replying. Damn, I am crazy." She said, turning the oven on and spreading the frozen fries out on the pan and sticking them inside the oven, praying that they cooked fast. She was hungry. She stopped moving when she heard faint music playing. She strained her ears while carefully looking around, realizing that it was "Gel" by Collective Soul playing.
"Oh, duh, my phone." She said to herself, running back to her room and picking up the silver BlackBerry phone, hitting the green button while stroking her hair back behind her ear.
"Hello?" she answered.
"Heeeeeey, Jesssssssa! What's up?" a hyper and loud voice asked excitedly.
"I'm making lunch, bitch, what do you want?" Jessa replied with a fake growl.
"Just calling to see what my girl is up to and I just wanted to say, Panama City is the shiiiiiiiiit!"
"Rub it in."
"I am. So, who all stayed back in the Corn and Soybean State?"
"Well, not you, Kat. I guess Ali and Uncle Sam stayed." Jessa yawned, opening the fridge and looking in, wondering what to drink next.
"Sooooo did you watch the new episode of InuYasha on Hulu yet?" Kat asked excitedly.
"I haven't watched any of them sense Sesshomaru the Gecko grew his arm back." Jessa said back, snapping open a can of Mountain Dew and taking a long, savored drink. Her throat was a bit dry and now it felt better.
"Haha, why not?"
"Because, unlike you, when I take hard college classes in high school, I actually study and do my work instead of cheat, cheat, cheat." Jessa said back, her voice toneless and emotionless.
"Ouch, dude, ouch. Haha, when you talk like that, you remind me of the Gecko-Dog Demon."
"I'll try to stop."
"Well, I have to go now, my phone is dying and the beach is calling! Bye Jessa!"
"Bye, bitch." Jessa giggled back, clicking her phone off and walking to the living room. Her parents had gone to see her older sister, who was graduating from college in California. They were going to be gone all Spring Break, leaving Jessa by herself. Jessa didn't mind and she quite liked the peace and quiet…and the large amounts of food her parents bought to keep her happy. Jessa even rearranged the living room to her liking, the couches being off to the side and her favorite black recliner chair was front line and centered in front of the fifty-two inch plasma screen TV with surround sound speakers hooked and placed strategically throughout the entire living room.
"Oh buddy, we are going to connect really well this week," Jessa commented with a small smirk as she collapsed in her chair, pulling out the remote from the remote holder that was built into the chair's arm. It even had a cup holder and the chair had a massaging machine inside it. She turned on the TV and saw that she still had a few recordings of older InuYasha left on and they were a few of her favorites. One was a Naraku-centered episode and the other was filler.
"Naraku, my homie, let's see some Kagome heads rolling, please?" Jessa asked, pressing play and frowning when she found a pill bottle stored in the other arm of her beloved chair.
"Oh sweet Jesus! Hydrocodone, AKA Vicodin! Yessssss!" Jessa cheered, popping a single pill in her mouth and drinking it down with her Mountain Dew. She looked down at the remote to find the volume button and instead, she saw a six-pronged star button below the power button. Jessa cocked an eyebrow as she pressed it.
"Does it control Satan? Ugh, stupid technology and its useless buttons…oh shit, my fries are burning!" Jessa said quickly, placing the remote down and running towards the kitchen. She saw a bright light flash throughout the entire house, but she didn't care. Her fries were burning and she needed food. She pulled the food out of the oven and placed the pan on top, seeing that they weren't burnt at all, but they were ready to be devoured.
"Haha, yum, yum in my tum." Jessa sang in a low voice, frowning when she heard the floor behind her creak, but she just assumed it was the dog, Milo. He was a lazy dog that only woke up when he was hungry.
"My food, Milo, go away." Jessa growled possessively at the yellow lab, which whined as he sat down, staring back up at her as she poured the ketchup on her plate, picking up a fry and dipping it before eating it. She walked back in the front room and found herself instantly become sleepy and tired. She figured the pills kicked in early. Jessa sat down in her chair, reclined it and ate another fry.
"Human, tell me where I am," a deep and smooth voice demanded. Jessa turned her head and saw the tall man standing next to the couch, his long hair slightly messy. Jessa quit chewing her food and reached on the table next to her, grabbing the pill bottle and reading the side effects.
"May cause drowsiness. Alcohol may intensify this effect. Taking more than recommended may cause breathing problems…nothing about hallucinations…oh well, you're not real." Jessa said out loud, eating a few more fries and staring at the demon man intensely, blinking a few times to see if he would disappear…he didn't. His golden eyes blazed into hers, showing his irritation and maybe slight confusion.
"I am real. I'm talking to you, am I not?" he replied, his voice toneless except for a slight growl at the end of his sentence.
"I have schizophrenia and I just haven't been diagnosed with it. Schizo Jessa. Schizo. It's just schizophrenia." Jessa repeated to herself reassuringly, shrugging as she looked back at the TV, seeing the screen had gone completely white.
"Fuck! Noooooo! Not the fifty-two inch plasma with surround sound!" Jessa cried out dramatically as she placed her fries down, running up to the TV and almost hugging it.
"Are you ignoring me?" the dog demon asked.
"Please, TV, come back on…ahhh! Milo! Those are my fries! Nooooo!" Jessa cried out when she saw the yellow lab had engulfed the fries and was licking his lips.
"You are an asshole!" she snapped. Milo flattened his ears against his head before running away.
"Answer me." Sesshomaru ordered, grabbing the girl's arm merely to get her attention.
"Look, Figment of My Imagination, go away!" Jessa shouted frantically, wishing that he really was a figment, but his hand grabbing her arm felt all too real.
"Are you ordering me around?" Sesshomaru asked, the iciness in his voice making Jessa gulp slightly. She pushed her glasses back up her face and let her hand rest over her mouth as she looked at the floor mindlessly. What was she going to do? She was high, hungry and now a cartoon character was in her house.
"Human girl, I will give you one last chance to answer me," Sesshomaru stated, letting go of her arm.
"How about this…I don't know! I don't know! I don't know! I was just watching TV and eating French fries and then you're here!" Jessa replied, seeing the instant blank look spread across the demon lord's face.
"TV…French fries?" he repeated slowly.
"Schizophrenia! You're Japanese! I don't speak Japanese, so how can I understand you? I'm only crazy! You're not real! I'm just crazy! Hahahaha!" Jessa laughed nervously and loudly as she grabbed her empty plate, striding back to the kitchen to clean her mess. Sesshomaru watched the girl with no emotion. She was hyper. Crazy? Maybe. Hyper? Definitely.
"Do you have any idea on how I got here?" Sesshomaru asked her as he followed her back to the kitchen.
"Well, when Mommies and Daddies love each other, they get in bed with each other," Jessa began as she stared at Sesshomaru.
"…" The dog demon could only glare back.
"Naked. And then they,"
"If you care for your life, you will not finish that sentence." Sesshomaru warned, crossing his arms inside his sleeves. Jessa stared back, her mouth closed tight, but the rest of the sentence was burning her very throat.
"Intercourse." Jessa stated slowly, seeing Sesshomaru's hand ready to rip her to shreds.
"If you kill me you might never get back home!" Jessa shouted quickly, pointing at the demon lord boldly.
"You've already admitted that you didn't know how I arrived here. How can you help me get back home?" Sesshomaru asked dangerously, his claws still at the ready. Jessa blinked when she remembered the button on the remote.
"I have an idea! Come on, Spanky!" Jessa exclaimed as she ran to the living room. Sesshomaru followed her slowly, his arms now crossed inside his sleeves again.
"Oh what the fuck? It was right here! That's bullshit! Fuck my life!" Jessa groaned as she threw the remote down after discovering that the star disappeared.
"What button?" Sesshomaru asked skeptically.
"There was a button on there and it was the Six-pronged Satan Star, so I thought if I pressed it, it would summon Satan, but I got you instead…pretty damn close, but no cigar and now the button has disappeared off the remote, the plasma screen TV won't fucking work, Ashley Simpson can't rap, Goddamn, fuck the world!" Jessa exploded angrily as she turned the TV off. Sesshomaru almost flinched when the girl whipped around, a wide smile on her face.
"Duuuuuuude! You're Sesshomaru!" she stated, pointing at him boldly once again.
"I am." Sesshomaru replied, thinking that she already knew him.
"Kat LOVES you! And she's in Florida! And I wanted to be in Florida, but I'm not, I'm stuck with you and Kat loves you more than she loves Florida…oh my God…the ultimate revenge! I can totally get proof that I met you and she's going to be in Florida, being a whore while I'm spending time with you! Ahhhahahahaha! Revenge, revenge, reveeeeeenge!" Jessa laughed crazily while pointing at the ceiling for no reason. Sesshomaru said nothing back. He decided that in situations like these, it was best to keep quiet.
"Now, I just need to find my camera, take a few strands of your hair, quit getting high and then I'll be ok…uh oh," Jessa groaned when she saw the name, "Mom" pop up on the screen of her BlackBerry. She gulped as she answered it, slowly walking away from Sesshomaru.
"Hello?" Jessa answered, trying to sound like her bored, typical self.
"Hi honey! How are you?" her mom's voice sang loudly.
"Just FREAKING peachy, Mom! Hahaha!" Jessa laughed, raising her voice when she saw Sesshomaru get curious and reach for the expensive vase sitting on a random table. He looked at her and saw her lip the words, "Do NOT touch anything" at him dangerously. She even pointed at him while doing so. Jessa almost laughed at herself. What was she going to do to him if he did touch something? Beat him with a newspaper? Somehow get a shock-collar on him and buzz him every time he did something wrong?
"Oh, well you sound annoyed," Mom replied curiously.
"Nope! Just playing the Wii! Keeping out of trouble! Boring!" Jessa replied, almost throwing the nearest book at Sesshomaru when he picked up the four-foot dragon statue in the corner of the living room. He saw her almost foaming at the mouth when he did, so he placed it back down effortlessly and moved on to the kitchen. Interesting and somewhat delicious smells were enticing him back there.
"Oh, I bet you're bored without me! Hahaha!" Mom laughed teasingly.
"Haha, yup! Me and Milo, maaaan…we are fricken lost!" Jessa said back with a laugh as well, wondering where Sesshomaru was heading.
"Well, we miss you and we will see you before you know it, Jessa. Love you." Mom said.
"Yeah, love you too, Mom. Bye." Jessa replied, clicking her phone off and walking to the kitchen where Sesshomaru and Milo stood at the fridge. Sesshomaru opening the door and then closing it hypnotized both dog and dog demon. He cocked an eyebrow and opened the fridge again quickly, then closing it slowly. Jessa had to keep repeating the phrase, "Don't laugh, Jessa. Don't laugh, Jessa. Don't laugh" in her head. She hoped he wouldn't ask her the question that she knew he was thinking about. Sesshomaru opened the fridge door once more and pointed at it, looking at Jessa.
"Does the light stay on when I close the door?" he asked, entirely serious, but Jessa forgot to not laugh. She covered her mouth and snorted loudly as she bent over, almost as if she were in pain. Sesshomaru glared at her when he realized that she was laughing at him.
"I'm being quite serious about this." He growled.
"Ahahahaha! Hahahaha! I knooooooow! I'm so sorry!" she cried out, still laughing and still doubled over while pressing her hand against the wall for leverage.
"Irritable woman," Sesshomaru commented, closing the door and crossing his arms.
"Haha, oh God, that hurrrrrt! Ok, ok, I'm ok, I'm ok…hahahahaha!" Jessa dropped to her knees as she fell back into a painful laughing fit.
Later on that day, Morgan sat in the living room, watching TV because the TV began working again. She had gone through the house and opened up all the windows to let in the spring breeze. She let Sesshomaru explore the house on his own terms and he insisted that she not be around when he was inspecting it. It didn't bother her, as long as he didn't flick the power switch and turn of the electricity.
"Son of a bitch." Jessa growled when the TV, lights and clocks shut off without warning. Jessa didn't even get up. He would come crawling to her eventually to ask what happened and if he was the cause. She refused to tell him "Yes" because if she made him mad, he would remember just what to do to piss her off. Right on cue, his footsteps alerted her of his presence.
"Did I do something?" he asked uncaringly, as if the answer didn't matter to him. Jessa took another pill and swallowed it down with Mountain Dew.
"Nope." She replied tonelessly, her face showing utter boredom. Sesshomaru cocked an eyebrow and looked at the TV, seeing the screen had gone black.
"Aren't there usually moving pictures on there?" he asked.
"Yup." Jessa replied shortly.
"So I did, in fact, do something…interesting." Sesshomaru replied, his arms crossed inside his sleeves once again as he stared down at Jessa with a blank look…maybe slight content was in his eyes. Jessa looked back up at him and glared icily.
"I will give you until the count of three," Jessa began, her teeth gritted as she held up three fingers.
"Heh," Sesshomaru replied, snorting slightly, closing his eyes and giving a small smirk before returning to his exploration and possible decimation of the house. She waited a few minutes before getting up to turn the power back on.
"Fucking idiot…turning the fucking power off…watching my fucking game…fuck." Jessa grumbled under her breath as she walked to the back door that led to the basement. She jogged down the stairs, dodging a few boxes and finding the box and flipping the switch back on. She ran back upstairs and just as she went to sit back down in her chair the doorbell rang. Milo howled defensively as he ran to the door.
"Shut up, stupid dog…hey," Jessa said when her friend Ali hugged her, stepping inside.
"Hey girl, I thought I'd hang with you for a while. Heeeey Milo! Cutie pie!" Ali sang with a smile as she petted the dog lovingly. She watched as Jessa walked to the couch and sat down on it. Ali pulled her black hair into a ponytail and sat on the couch with Jessa.
"What's wrong, Jessa?" Ali asked, her brown eyes filled with worry. Her only reply was Jessa slapping her forehead and pointing at the approaching dog demon.
"What are these?" Sesshomaru asked, holding up the box of Tampons.
"Oh…oh my fucking God!" Ali shrieked with disbelief, covering her mouth with both hands. Jessa looked up and sighed.
"Power sticks." Jessa answered the demon man, who cocked an eyebrow.
"Do they increase your power?" he asked, pulling one out of the box and staring at it.
"Uh, yeah, I use two of them at once usually." Jessa replied dryly while exhaling.
"How do you use them? Do you eat them?" Sesshomaru quizzed, pulling another out of the box.
"No, you stick them up your nose…duh." Jessa answered.
"There are different sizes," Sesshomaru stated.
"For different levels of power. I think you need the biggest ones." Jessa chirped sarcastically. Sesshomaru nodded as he turned around.
"I couldn't agree more." He replied as he disappeared. Jessa cocked an eyebrow as she rested her chin on her hand. She felt the couch shaking and looked over at her friend Ali, who was convulsing on the couch with silent laughter. She had tears flowing down her face, which was red from the lack of oxygen. After a few minutes, Ali was breathing as she sat up, looking at Jessa as she wiped her eyes dry with her jacket sleeve.
"Oh my God! Who is that?" Ali asked with a broad smile.
"Holy shit, who do you think?" Jessa asked back with slight disbelief, both girls looking over at Sesshomaru, who approached with two gigantic Tampons sticking out of his nose.
"I don't think it's working." He stated with a growl. Jessa kept a straight face, but Ali collapsed backwards as she began convulsing again.
"Keep trying, it takes a few times for it to work." Jessa said, somehow keeping from laughing. Sesshomaru glared as he turned around.
"You had better not be lying to me." He warned.
"Or what?" Jessa asked with a growl.
"Ahhhhhh!" Ali screamed joyously as she continued laughing.
"So, it's really him by the way…just saying." Jessa announced with a victorious smile.
"Whatever dude, but still, so fucking funny! Hahaha!" Ali giggled. She watched as Sesshomaru walked back out, the two Tampons held in his hand.
"You lied." He growled at Jessa as he melted the Tampons with his poisonous claws. Ali immediately quit laughing and went silent. Jessa ignored Sesshomaru and looked at Ali.
"See? I wasn't lying." She chirped. Ali gulped as her face went slightly red.
"He's hotter in person. I'd really like to get in his poofy pants." Ali stated, only to recoil when the demon lord almost killed her just by glaring too intensely.
"Yeah, he can understand you, too." Jessa stated as she stood up, yawning loudly.
"Thanks for the warning, bitch." Ali growled.
"No problem." Jessa replied before falling to the floor and passing out. She was tired. Ali and Sesshomaru stared at her before looking at one another. Ali grinned and waved.
"Hi, I'm Ali." She said. Her only response was an icy warning glare.