Missing Moment from Anthropology 101
I: Mistake
"I don't like where that's going."
He watches Annie round the corner, her hair swinging gently as she looks back one more time. From the library he hears his name, followed by derisive laughter. He turns to find the entire gaggle of Britta-Fever Fans glaring daggers at him. Britta stands amongst them, a haughty and yet daring smile on her face.
Jeff clenches his jaw and turns to stalk off down the hallway, tugging his books up tighter to his chest. Dammit, he hasn't even been back at Greendale for ten minutes and already everything sucks.
Nothing is worth this.
He's so busy fuming and self-pitying that he's not paying attention as he rounds the corner, almost running full-tilt into someone small and brunette.
"Oh." She tumbles back a few steps, holding her hand to her chest.
"What are you doing?" he growls low.
"Um." Two spots of pink bloom over Annie's cheeks.
Jeff looks down the hallway over her head, then sighs in exasperation and grabs her arm, yanking her into the first empty classroom and shoving the door closed behind him.
"Annie, listen to me."
But as soon as he turns toward her he realizes that this was a bad, monumentally bad, idea because a slow smile is spreading across her face and before he can say anything else she's launching herself at him.
"Woah! Wait!" He panics and raises his books in front of his face in a defensive measure so that she knocks into him awkwardly. "Annie. Stop."
He waits until he can feel her move an inch or so away, then chances a peek at her around his book. She's dropped back to her feet but still standing too close and smiling all coy and flirtatiously, twisting that damn piece of hair around her finger again. Jeff lowers his books and maneuvers them under one arm, warding Annie off with his other hand. He presses back slowly on her shoulder, moving her backwards until she's perched on the edge of a desk.
With as stern a look as he can muster he says, "Stay" and then moves back a few paces.
Annie's shoulders drop as she frowns at him. "Jeff." And her voice is a touch too whiny because the pressure in his head intensifies and he's throwing his books on the teacher's desk with too much force.
"Annie," he says darkly. "You're a smart girl. Do you not know what 'discretion' actually means?"
She looks indignant for a moment so he continues, " It means that you can't look at me like that and you can't call me babe and lurk around corners and hug me inappropriately and it means that for all intents and purposes that kiss last May never happened."
"How was it inappropriate? Everyone else was hugging."
He raises an eyebrow, "There was lingering."
"Oh." Annie crosses her arms over her chest, "So lingering hugs aren't okay but you get to drag me into a dark classroom anytime you want?"
The pointed look she gives him makes his mouth drop open.
"That… this is not going to be a thing," he stutters out, not really sure if his words are making actual sense.
She seems to melt a little at his discomfort and how the hell does she do that because her eyes are wide and truly curious with just the subtlest hint of smoldering I can be an adult, watch me simmering under the surface. He absolutely cannot have her looking at him like that right now.
"It was a mistake," he blurts out, sounding harsher than he intended and she shrinks back in surprise.
"You're a teenager and I'm an adult and It. Was. A. Mistake. Nothing is ever going to come of it other than complete silence from both of us," he continues. "It's not going to happen again, I'm not going to be your boyfriend, we are not going to walk around here holding hands, and you are going to stop acting childish and talking about fucking make-out meters. Got it?" He leans forward, his palm pressed into the desk, face flushed and heated.
Annie's staring at the ground with her chin pulled into her chest. When she finally looks up her eyes are flashing with an intensity he is not expecting.
Jeff sort of forgets how to breathe.
"You keep saying that," she whispers.
He stares at her for a moment as she pulls herself together, standing taller, "You keep saying that but you kissed me back."
"Yeah," he breathes out in quick defeat, because… well, he did.
"Why?"
Jeff searches her eyes and thinks about that night, how in that moment she wasn't nineteen and he wasn't Jeff Winger and this thing between them wasn't wrong, and how the second she kissed him anything resembling reality had fluttered away into the void of who the hell even cares.
Of course, he can't actually tell her this. This is reality.
"I don't…. Annie…" And he not even sure when they started moving toward each other but suddenly she's standing too close and her hand is on his arm, fingers clutching at the material of his shirt before she presses up and he bends and… what was that about reality again?
There are alarm bells going off in his head- red flags and shit- but it only makes him pull her up closer and tighter, probably kissing her too hard because she gasps against him as he tugs her lower lip between his teeth.
She doesn't try to pull away though, just crosses her wrists behind his neck and holds on, so he fists his hand into her hair at the nape of her neck to keep her still and manages to spin them around so that she's pressing back against the desk.
"Jeff," she murmurs as they break apart for air.
He ignores her and trails his lips down her jaw, nipping at the sensitive skin under her ear until she chokes back a moan and tilts her head to allow him better access. Her skin warms under his ministrations and he smoothes his tongue over the spot before kissing down the line of her throat, hands sliding to her waist.
But then his lips brush up against the straps of her backpack and reality rushes back with a string of mental curse words and he suddenly can't move away fast enough. In his haste to untangle himself he knocks his hand into a pencil cup and pens go scattering everywhere across the floor in a loud cascade of sound as he lurches back and away from her.
Fuuuuuuuuuck.
The room falls silent and Jeff has to count backwards from ten (twice) before he can even look in her direction again.
She's leaning on the desk for support, looking a little dazed. Her lips are red, face flushed and she looks like she's trying to figure out what to do with her own hands.
He hates himself right now.
"This is not going to be a thing," he mutters, uselessly.
Annie's still breathing erratically when she looks up at him. "Okay." But something sly skitters across her face and… that's not… shit.
Jeff scowls and turns away. "We're going to be late for class."
She nods quickly and stoops down to start gathering up the fallen pens. He sighs and moves to help her but as they reach for the same pen their fingers brush and she looks up at him sweetly, blushing.
Jeff swallows hard and stands, pulling her with him, but making sure to keep her braced away from his body.
"We're going to be late. Leave it." He grabs his books and stalks towards the door. Annie looks perplexed as she takes in the disarray they've left behind on the desk, where it's almost obvious what's just happened.
"Leave it Annie," he repeats and opens the door.
She nods and scurries after him, smoothing her hair down with one hand.
As they make their way to the classroom she chatters nervously but he can't quite look her in the eye.
XOXO
Jeff gingerly makes his way through the hallway, each step a straining effort for his aching muscles. He briefly considers curling up on one of the couches in the library and sleeping it all off there. Hell, he spent three days last year sleeping in his car. He's almost used to the homeless bum thing by now. And it's not like his fold out couch is any better.
As he passes by the library he chances a glance in through the glass doors, startled to see someone sitting at the table in the study room. He stops and lets out a sigh, pushing through the double doors after only a brief hesitation.
Annie's sitting in her normal spot, hands folded in front of her. When Jeff limps unto the room and eases gently into his chair she looks unsurprised. He faces her direction; legs sprawled out in front of him.
She eyes him in concern, "Are you sure you're okay to leave?"
"I'm pretty sure there's nothing that the Greendale infirmary can do for me that a glass of scotch and a shower can't."
Annie flushes and stares down at her hands.
"What are you still doing here?"
She doesn't look up, "Waiting for you."
Jeff rubs his hand over his face, "Annie," he says warningly.
"I know. I was serious about what I said before." She finally looks up at him, her nose scrunched up, "You still kind of smell like pee."
"Great."
He slouches down further in the chair, resting his head back and closing his eyes. Annie's quiet again and he has to fight down this urge to continue being an asshole.
It's unnerving because it's counterintuitive to everything last year when these Annie-centered moments had only ever prickled up a sense of protectiveness or general feeling of hey, I can be a good guy why not try every once in awhile? Now he just wants to yell at her and be a douche and make her go away.
Either way, he's screwed. Because no matter what, she's still Annie.
He stares at the inside of his eyelids and sighs, "I'm sorry."
She doesn't say anything and he's momentarily confused. This is the part that's always been easy. He acts like an idiot, learns his lesson, apologizes and Annie instantly melts into forgiveness.
It doesn't feel like there's any melting going on so he cracks an eyelid open.
She's staring down at the table, biting her lip. "What are you sorry for?"
"Geez Annie."
"I just mean-" She squares her shoulders, "You have a lot to feel bad about. I just wanted to know exactly what part of it you were apologizing for."
He stares at her until she finally meets his eyes. Fuck. She looks sad. Actual sad, not even just I'm trying to manipulate you sad. For the first time he wonders what the last three months have been like for her, what it means now that he's been added to this list of things she's been disappointed by in life.
The fact that it's the first time he's even been bothered to consider this sort of cements in his mind the fact that this whole thing is a terrible idea.
"All of it. Annie… for everything. I'm sorry."
Annie nods and moves to stand up, "Okay."
"Okay?" he repeats.
She shrugs, "What else is there?"
Jeff stares at a point on the desk. "Nothing I guess," he mumbles and pushes down the unexplainable surge of what feels like disappointment.
"I'm glad you didn't die today Jeff."
When he turns his head to look back at her she's in the doorway, smiling. It doesn't quite meet her eyes but it's something.
Jeff chokes out a huff of dry laughter, "Me too."
And then she's gone.